Does anyone know any funny sayings or quotes???

Question

Does anyone know any funny sayings or quotes???

Answer 1

George bush "Those who enter the country illegally are breaking the law"

or something like that.

on a sign "No illegals, no burritos"

"win a free police car ride from shoplifting at this store!"

i got loads lol

Answer 2

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

- Winston Churchil

Answer 3

Yeah, it would take all day to list all of Dubya's funny quotes, but I like this one by Rodney Dangerfield: "My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend."

Answer 4

What an opportunity!

"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand."

~ Benny Hill

"I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception.

I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'no'."

~ Woody Allen

"God gave us a p***s and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time."  

~ Robin Williams

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."

~ George Carlin

"Women should be obscene and not heard." ~ Groucho Marx

"If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?"

~ George Carlin

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for

marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

~ Rita Rudner

"I was such an ugly kid - When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up"

~ Rodney Dangerfield  

"All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."

~ :-/

Answer 5

Guys are like lava lamps, useless yet so fun to look at.

Answer 6

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." - Mark Twain

"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read." - Mitch Hedberg

"I believe the children are the future...unless we stop them now!" - Homer Simpson

"I believe that s*x is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can buy." - Steve Martin

"I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are." - Groucho Marx