Does anyone know any ways to spot or tell if someone is a vampire?

Question

be serious about this.

and nothing cheesy like "if they turn into a bat"

ive tried google but nothing very helpful came up

Answer 1

Vampires do not exist. Period. First, a short discussion of the human digestive system. I am a Nurse, and the human body is not designed to process large amounts of blood for nutrition. There simply is not enough protein, carbohydrates, and fats present in blood to maintain a complex creature such as Homo Sapiens or any theorized offshoot mutations. When a human ingests food it is first broken up by chewing, then churned up in the stomach with digestive juices to form a bolus called chyme. It then passes into the small intestine where it mixes with bile salts which continue breaking it down on a molecular basis, mostly affecting fats at this point. The broken down nutrients pass through the wall of the intestines and into the bloodstream where they are carried to each cell or stored for later use. Indigestible bulk continues through the intestines, turning a dark brown from the bile. Water is absorbed from this mass in the large intestine depending on the needs of the body - a well-hydrated person will usually have a softer stool than a dehydrated person will. Water also enters the bloodstream, and this is what helps to maintain blood pressure. The pressure tends to balance itself in a healthy person because the bloodstream goes through a formation in the kidney called the Loop of Henle, where the narrowing blood vessel forces excess water and cellular waste such as urea out through the cellular wall into the kidneys, where it is excreted through the ureters into the bladder, and then out of the body via the urethral passageway.

A person physically unable to process his own food for nutrition therefore also could not process blood - it's the same process.

Theoretical ingestion of blood to supply these nutrients would therefore have to occur at least once a day, and would require the ingestion of the entire blood supply! which could not happen as the stomach is far too small to hold that much liquid volume. Furthermore, such a mass would be difficult to pass thru the intestines as it has no fibrous bulk, would most likely create an intestinal impaction, and any "real" vampire would have to eventually expel the waste, which would come out as a black, tarry, smelly goo. The word "vampire" is defined as an undead monster that drains the blood of the living. These humans that affect the whole "vampiric lifestyle" are NOT vampires. They are simply humans playing their own little game, in their own little fantasy world. I too, play my own little game, in the SCA, but mine is a game where the deeds that I do are determined by the strength of my arm and sword - I am a warrior, with just as much skill and ability as any warrior of ancient times. The difference is that I am claiming to be something physically possible: a warrior, and I prove it everytime I strap on my armor and walk onto a SCA battlefield. The so-called "vampires" are claiming to be something physically impossible: a walking corpse, and all they prove is that black Victorian clothing, a pair of false fangs, and a little makeup make for a good Halloween costume - it does not make you a vampire.

Also, consider this: if a vampire has to (per my earlier example) feed at least once a day, and if this results in a new vampire every time (per the original legends) then the original vampire creates 365 offspring in just 1 year. The first one he creates then sires 364 more that year, and the second sires 363, and so on and so forth, do the math - almost a million vampires in the first year alone! Reproducing at an exponential rate, even with today's global population, they would totally convert every human on the planet in less than five year's time! (In 1 week's time alone that would be 35 vampires, and by the end of the 2nd week there would be 7 more for each of the 35, for a total of 245 plus another 34 for the new ones, or a grand total at the end of 14 days of 279 vampires!) This falls therefore, under the logic of Occam's Razor - which states that when you have removed every impossible answer, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. Since there is no "vampiric plague" swarming the earth, the logical deduction is that they don't exist.

Point of clarification about "vampire" bats: vampire is simply the name we have given them because they do drink blood, same as a flea, mosquito, or spider. Are these creatures vampires? No. They are living creatures, not legendary monsters. Drinking blood does not make you a vampire anymore than eating raw meat (steak tartare or sushi) makes you a werewolf.

Answer 2

Try reading Twilight.

Hints: Vampires don't eat food, they don't get too close to humans, they are crazy beautiful and graceful.

Answer 3

aww guys, come on. there are tell tale signs ^_^. 1. you can't see them in a mirror, they have no reflection. 2. they cannot enter a building without being invited in. 3. an aversion to garlic. hope that helped ^_^

Answer 4

The question is irrelevant since everyone knows that modern vampires spend all their non-blood-sucking time hanging out with Super Mario and Nessie in her invisible flying saucer flying around Atlantis listening to Elvis sing his latest numbers accompanied by Jimmie Morrison on the glass harmonica.

If you're seeing people who have no reflection or shadow, maybe you should ponder for a moment how this might come about. The only rational explanation is that a hallucination would not cast a shadow or reflect in a mirror because the person you "saw" was solely in your own mind. Are sure you're not having a psychotic break?

Answer 5

1) Seriously, there are no real vampires.

2) However, if you insist: All folklore is certain about one thing: Vampires go back to their graves to rest. Unless the person you are thinking about sleeps in a coffin underground, I think you have nothing to worry about.

3) Confrontation with religious symbols also is a fairly sure-fire method.  

Answer 6

I expect the teeth and nocturnal habits might arouse some suspicion.

Answer 7

The only way so far has been either using a spell or the common mirror.... Or your pet giving you a warning that there is something not right about whom ever you have in your home..........

Answer 8

if you want gooood info on this, go to haemavore.com

Answer 9

There's no such thing.

That makes it pretty easy to tell.

Now if someone is claiming to be a vampire, it's still easy to tell.

They're not a vampire, they're a loser desperately trying to find a personality.  They are begging for attention because they want to be special.  But since vampires aren't real, all that makes them is pathetic.

Answer 10

theres this guy who is always eyeing my neck. it freaks me out. so i guess if a creepy guy with sharp side teeth eyeing ur neck must be a vampire :P

Answer 11

Drive a Stake through their Heart.

If they die, they could have been a Vampire.

Answer 12

First - to comment on the no reflection thing.  Back in the Victorian years, mirrors were made with lead, the more lead a mirror had in it, the less of a reflection you'd get.  Also you have to consider whether or not you were focus on him as he passed by.

You can't spot a vampire because some are just blood-feeders.  They get together just to suck blood.  Others wait to go to special clubs and hang out.  Usually these probably have a great charisma - i.e. smoke and mirrors to make something spectacular out of something that is just sickening.  There are real vampire cliques but I doubt seriously you'd probably be allowed in one because they are seriously close-knitted and you most likely have to have some sort of reason why you are there.  In order for it to be special, they can't let everyone in.  You have psychic vamps - those who able to feed on other people's energy and take it.  Then you have vamps who are more demonic-like in nature which means they are perhaps Satanists and do evil junk.  

Aside from reading from Anne Rice,  Satan's bible, sucking blood, and berating normal people, vamps are your everyday lonely people who were nerds and loners back in high school.  

Answer 13

okay? haha.

Bleeeedyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy teeeeth, duh.

or they might have a bite mark on their neck.

something like a hicky, hehe.