Does anyone know how to get over the life long fear of ' rejection ' ? - im getting no decent answers to this

Question

and how not to cause rejection ? - & as a result being afraid to contact people ?

these are my circumstances in general :

ive missed out all my life on happiness, goals, friendships, relationships, work, education, lifestyles..

never achieved any of it because ive suffered such a miserable life of trauma, let downs, rejection, bullying ~( physical and mental ) - abuse, assaults, attacks, time in a psychiatric hospital, time in jail....a criminal record...a mental health record etc...

today ive lived on my own since 2005 in a small messy flat without anybody....i have no social support network exceptt my mother and 1 internet friend.....my mother who is aging and cannot do the things she used to.

i live on disability, i own nothing except a few books and an old dusty computer.

because of the severe bullying and abuse i suffered i developed a rage and aggression problem....iam diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and ptsd..

i used to have rage outbursts many times in crowded public places and lash out at strangers.....get confrontational.....stare at people act out of control aggressive..

because of this sometimes i thought could i have intermittent explosive disorder ?

but have accepted my bpd diagnoses, ive made lot of progress controling my aggression and outbursts for years now...and are waiting for an appointment for psychotherapy..

for a while ive experienced bad anxiety, flashbacks, panic that keep my staying inside my apartment except when i need to go out..

struggled with aggression because of unresolved anger of the past, severe bullying etc..

paranoia that im being deliberatly alienated by people, ostracised and socially excluded.....like my lifes being opressed and controlled..

im not sure how the paranoia started but ive had it vertually all my adult life.

sometimes in an average day, some people are abrupt, cold, stand-offish, non accepting of me, aloof, exchange glances, and seem to be deliberatly making me feel like an outcast..

supermarket workers, cafe workers, store cashiers ...authority figures..

this reinforces my paranoia im being socially ostracised.

i feel society....the local community has a negative perception of me which, just the thought they have makes me feel incredablly angry.

i feel deliberatly shut out of society.....like im stigmatised, like a lot of people know about my past....rage episodes....my background etc..

i feel vilified by people who used to victimise me years back.

i feel people in the community remember my countless ragew outburst or im somehow stigmatised and labelled in other ways..

otherwise, why are people so aloof, and stand-offish from me and seem to distance themselves from me ???

obviously i struggle with aloofness myself, and im very wary and guarded towards people......but no one can blame me for that considering everything i have had to go through....

in spite of my c**p life ive had to endure, and my past, and history and possible stigma surrounding me im still going on....making progress with my rage.....have the odd setback with anger showing - but on the whole ive done well.

im trying to be positive and work towards future goals of a good paid job and to move away from england to live near the quiet coast somewhere....to live a peaceful life..

im 30 now and obviously missed out a great deal on everything..

i need treatment for my injured ankle and torn ankle ligaments, i have to watch how i walk, or else i can go over.....it is very weak......

its depressing to because with it i feel like a cripple.

the skin on the head of my p***s is all cracked and teared, covering the head.....so im waiting to hear from a dermatologist about that.

so theres alot of things causing me insecurity and anxiety at the moment.

and ontop of that, when i go outside....or i browse myspace, in england at female profiles or other countries in myspace i see beaming happy grins.....like everyones happy....oblivious to my life of torment and torture..

flirty, wide grinned, rosy cheeked, fair haired grins and i feel incredablly angry at that !!!!! ( clenched teeth )

because ive missed out all my life at starting from scratch at 30, on my own in a small flat.

how do i handle this ?

because i feel angry and jealous toward those happy people and want to take it out on them

i know that its wrong to feel that way thats why im asking for help

Answer 1

Treat everyday as a new day and forget the past

Build self confidence by finding your good points , even if there is only one, and work from there. Please yourself not others.

Answer 2

Don't know if this has been suggested but have you ever tried Cognitive Behaviour Therapy? (CBT)

Answer 3

Ok firstly I would say and I'm sure you realise this...that your thoughts are also causing the reactions in a sort of self fulfilling prophecy. Don't underestimate the power of your thoughts. (before I forget visit this website www.powertoshare.com it might interest you) . You might have heard of the expression fake it till you make it. I would suggest replacing your thoughts with the exact opposite even if you think it' s absolutely ridiculous or that the reactions you are getting from people do not support your new ways of thinking. If you persist in the face of adversity however, something will give. If you believe enough in what your thinking reality will follow. Reality in my opinion is a lot more malleable than some would like to think. This may exhaust you so be patient. The psychotherapy will probably aid this. You are creating your reality but you can change it. It seems more logical to focus on peoples reactions first and draw conclusions about yourself from that but you have to change that whole cycle introduce new thought patterns and create a new cycle. (sorry if i'm repeating myself) You could also try hypnotism and some alternative therapies. Branch off a bit from the mainstream treatments. If they work for you that's all that matters in the end anyway isn't it. Try to do one thing that scares you also every day. It will prove to you that you can come out alive on the other side and you can be proud of yourself. Everyone in this world has a right to be here. You owe it to yourself to push yourself. all your good qualities are being overshadowed by the bad. Don't let that happen. Reveal the better person in you

Answer 4

I Love You

Answer 5

I have read several of your questions and really do feel for you.

I think you need a strong person in your life who knows about your problems and accepts you no matter what you have done in the past or how you react to certain things. Once you find a strong person they will be able to stand up to you and tell you when you are expecting too much or pushing a little too hard.

Your attitude will gradually change and you will start to think differently. But you need to find the type of person who can be strong and will stand up to you otherwise, as you say, they just think you are coming on to strong and back off.

If you do not contact people you will never find the person that will help you. Rejection is a part of life that no body likes and never gets used to but in your case I think it is escalated by your other conditions.

You need to be strong and think "you know what, it is your loss if you don't want to speak to me"

I used to be a very timid person and had a couple of very traumatic events occur in my life. I was a mess. I met a man who, not only showed me that there was so much more to life, but also showed me that you will find the warmest people inside the most unlikely shells.

It was never a romantic relationship I had with this man but we were sooooooooo close. He taught me how to be myself again. Someone who I thought had died.

He is now passed away but the lessons he taught me never will. You need someone like this who will do the same for you but to do that, as already stated, you need to contact people. People who are willing to help you. But to do that you need to realise that not everyone you contact will help and some will brush you aside. It hurts. But not everyone will.

Good luck.

Please remember what I have said. You will get there someday.

Answer 6

I've had a tough life too, beaten & terrorized as a child, rejected by women. Recently had a marriage end through divorce after being cheated on. All you can do is keep trying, I look at life like a boxing match. It's me vs. life & I'm not going to let that weakling win. Life knocks me down I get back up. Those beatings I took as a kid made me stronger, I stare death in the face & spit at it. Eventually you'll find people who are like you & you'll be on your way.

Answer 7

ill try my best to answer and be a friend.  life is going to a b---h but yiou cant focus all you thoughts on a ton of things at once. you ahve to take one at a time and try to gather things in order. in order to overcome things in life you ahve to set up one at a time in order to set off a chain reaction that will lead you to defeating the next step on your list

Answer 8

hypnosis

I picked up a book yesterday actually that talks about getting over the fear of rejection. I went through the whole book yesterday, you should look into buying it.

It's called "New Age Hypnosis" by Dr. Bruce Goldberg.

It's a book about self hypnosis, and works through a few excersises, people I know that have read this book found it helped very well & there are plenty of success stories as well in the book.

Answer 9

Get a job...seriously  

Answer 10

You fight your fear, find someone and act like you've never been scared of rejection in your life, even if you're scared to death. And I know it's not that easy, but that's how. And if you do get rejected think of it as being able to get closer to the person who won't care about your fear.