Does anyone know how to get over the life long fear of rejection ?

Question

& as a result being afraid to contact people ?

these are my circumstances in general :

ive missed out all my life on happiness, goals, friendships, relationships, work, education, lifestyles..

never achieved any of it because ive suffered such a miserable life of trauma, let downs, rejection, bullying ~( physical and mental ) - abuse, assaults, attacks, time in a psychiatric hospital, time in jail....a criminal record...a mental health record etc...

today ive lived on my own since 2005 in a small messy flat without anybody....i have no social support network exceptt my mother and 1 internet friend.....my mother who is aging and cannot do the things she used to.

i live on disability, i own nothing except a few books and an old dusty computer.

because of the severe bullying and abuse i suffered i developed a rage and aggression problem....iam diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and ptsd..

i used to have rage outbursts many times in crowded public places and lash out at strangers.....get confrontational.....stare at people act out of control aggressive..

because of this sometimes i thought could i have intermittent explosive disorder ?

but have accepted my bpd diagnoses, ive made lot of progress controling my aggression and outbursts for years now...and are waiting for an appointment for psychotherapy..

for a while ive experienced bad anxiety, flashbacks, panic that keep my staying inside my apartment except when i need to go out..

struggled with aggression because of unresolved anger of the past, severe bullying etc..

paranoia that im being deliberatly alienated by people, ostracised and socially excluded.....like my lifes being opressed and controlled..

im not sure how the paranoia started but ive had it vertually all my adult life.

sometimes in an average day, some people are abrupt, cold, stand-offish, non accepting of me, aloof, exchange glances, and seem to be deliberatly making me feel like an outcast..

supermarket workers, cafe workers, store cashiers ...authority figures..

this reinforces my paranoia im being socially ostracised.

i feel society....the local community has a negative perception of me which, just the thought they have makes me feel incredablly angry.

i feel deliberatly shut out of society.....like im stigmatised, like a lot of people know about my past....rage episodes....my background etc..

i feel vilified by people who used to victimise me years back.

i feel people in the community remember my countless ragew outburst or im somehow stigmatised and labelled in other ways..

otherwise, why are people so aloof, and stand-offish from me and seem to distance themselves from me ???

obviously i struggle with aloofness myself, and im very wary and guarded towards people......but no one can blame me for that considering everything i have had to go through....

in spite of my c**p life ive had to endure, and my past, and history and possible stigma surrounding me im still going on....making progress with my rage.....have the odd setback with anger showing - but on the whole ive done well.

im trying to be positive and work towards future goals of a good paid job and to move away from england to live near the quiet coast somewhere....to live a peaceful life..

im 30 now and obviously missed out a great deal on everything..

i need treatment for my injured ankle and torn ankle ligaments, i have to watch how i walk, or else i can go over.....it is very weak......

its depressing to because with it i feel like a cripple.

the skin on the head of my p***s is all cracked and teared, covering the head.....so im waiting to hear from a dermatologist about that.

so theres alot of things causing me insecurity and anxiety at the moment.

and ontop of that, when i go outside....or i browse myspace, in england at female profiles or other countries in myspace i see beaming happy grins.....like everyones happy....oblivious to my life of torment and torture..

flirty, wide grinned, rosy cheeked, fair haired grins and i feel incredablly angry at that !!!!! ( clenched teeth )

because ive missed out all my life at starting from scratch at 30, on my own in a small flat.

how do i handle this ?

because i feel angry and jealous toward those happy people and want to take it out on them

i know that its wrong to feel that way thats why im asking for help

Answer 1

There is a therapy on the NHS called cognitive behaviour therapy,CBT it is absolutely superb at completely getting rid of those feeling.You have to tell and persuade your GP that your problem is serious in order to get on the list.Tell him what you have told us.It is very good treatment.If you get rejected (but you won't) ask the GP how much it costs privately.

You can't beat this on your own,as it's very deep seated

When people get older,they never have this problem,as they care far less about things that mean a lot to younger people.

So get determined and talk to the GP and you will be surprised how common this problem is.It can be sorted by counselling.

Answer 2

The best way to get over a fear of rejection is to get rejected a few times and realize it's not your fault and most people are happy to make a new friend and have no desire to hurt somebody else.

Answer 3

I agree with lord yua crazy name but he makes sense. The only way to overcome a fear is to face it. By putting yourself out there to get rejected not only will you develop more as a person but you will find it easier taking risks that might lead rejection and your life will become more enjoyable. JUST TAKE THAT FIRST STEP :)

Answer 4

This is just a cold world we live in. Everybody is not going to like you, that's just life. And I'm sure you don't like EVERYbody yourself. You think being rejected is bad, I think being led on is worse! I rather someone be open and honest right then and there and tell me they don't want me than to lead me on making me believe they want me, when really they don't. When you think things are bad, things can be much worse. Always keep that in mind!