Does anyone know of a good drinking joke? (Short, humorous and good for telling to drunk people.)?

Question

A classic "walks into a bar"?

Answer 1

How does a French woman hold her liquor?

By the ears. (pun on l****r)

Answer 2

Q: What is the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a women's track team?

A: One is a bunch of cunning runts.

Stumps the lushes every time.

Answer 3

What did the mexican firefighter name his two kids?

Hose A and Hose B

(Jose... get it?) ahahaha, people think it's funny when I'm drunk...

Answer 4

three men walked into a bar, the third one ducked?  i dont know, but my friend finds that hilarious when she is drunk.

here's something my friend did one time while I was wasted, well we both were, I'm not sure if she was serious, but it was so freaking funny too me.

she headbutted me in the stomach and said 'haha i'm spearing you' and i said 'no, katie, you headbutted me' and she replied 'NOT IF I"M A UNICORN'.  wow, i almost peed myself.

here's one:

A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner l*****g his balls.

He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."

Answer 5

What does light beer have in common with a canoe?

Too close to water !!!

Answer 6

If your at the bar drinking and your an American, what are you when you go to the bathroom?

*European!*

Answer 7

A woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre... So he gave it to her!

Answer 8

A panda sits down orders a beer and a sandwiches.  The panda eats, shoots the waiter, and gets up and walks out.  The bartender says what the heck just happened.......that was a panda...a panda eats chutes and leaves.

Answer 9

Hmmm..

A 3-legged dog walks into a bar and asks “I’m lookin’ for the man who shot my paw”

Answer 10

What's a fish with no eyes?

A fshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

its short and it kills with the inebriated.

Answer 11

* Ever hear the expression "hard drinker" ? Never made much sense to me, drinking's one of the easiest things in the world to do.*

* Personally, I think the health benefits of alcohol have been

overlooked. With all this emphasis on grain intake, you'd think

it'd be good for ya in liquid form as well*

*Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose name, and/or species you can't remember).*

*a guy asks a girl her name and she says she named herself carmen.. He asked why she named herself that. and she said because she likes cars and she likes men. then she asked her for his name and he said beersex.*

~~SIGNS YOU ARE DRUNK OR MAY BE A DRUNK~~

*"BeerTender! Get me another Bar!"*

*"Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol."*

*Mosquitoes catch a buzz* after biting you. *

*24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?? I think not!*

*You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. *

*Your job is interfering with your drinking. *

*Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. *

those are just a few....