Does anyone know of any PAP's or AP's that wore maternity clothes?

Question

Before my daughter, "Lauren", was born, my PAP wore a denim empire waste dress almost everyday. We got it at the maternity shop. She wore it to the hospital everytime she came to see me and when she took my daughter home. I wasn't really aware of this at the time, but looking back at the pictures, I can see it.

Answer 1

If it was a maternity outfit, that is pretty creepy. If she is wearing the same think over and over I would wonder if she was being frugal knowing she would have the expense of a newborn soon. I don't know...Sounds kinda strange and it would make me wonder.

EDIT: No, it isn't you...That is really strange. And the fact that they left you home to go to child birth class is really strange behaviour.

Should it have sent up red flags? It's hard to say. I was not in your position so I can't even guess at all you were going through. So, please don't beat yourself up thinking you should have seen this or anything.

Answer 2

I find this incredibly creepy. It reminds me of that scene in the book 'The Handmaid's Tale" where the wife stradles the woman in labor to symbolize that it's really 'her' child being born. Ick.

Was this woman overweight? I will say that my sister gave me one of her old maternity dresses because it actually was flattering on me and hid a multitude of sins. So if she bought a maternity dress for that reason, yeah ok ...

-------- BUT! -----------------

to wear it everytime she saw you, and also the day she took your daughter home, creepy, creepy, creepy

Answer 3

wow, creepy and weird.  I've never heard of anyone doing that.

Answer 4

Yuck.  Why would anyone wear maternity clothes if they didn't have to?

Answer 5

What the...?! That is very strange & would definitely throw up a red flag for me! That is verrry creepy.

Answer 6

honestly red... why would anyone WANT to buy maternity clothes??  they're poorly made, frumpy; and the designer stuff is ridiculously over-priced. h**l, if given the choice, i'd rather wear my cute little pair of size 6 skinny jeans, baby-tee and cropped "bcbg" jacket.

nowadays, i might require a good lube job with crisco and a hydraulic piston in order to slide my voluptuous "baby curves" into that outfit. so it now sits in a drawer next to the other "cute" clothes i HOPE i can fit again... it must be nice to "pick and choose" when to wear maternity clothes..

i equate maternity clothes with bras: sure their nice and pretty, but would you really want to wear one if you didn't HAVE to???

so, you see, i find it very difficult to see why anyone would WANT to wear maternity clothes, given that they are soooo darn expensive and if reasonably priced, ugly as h**l.

wow...that's deep, deep, deep, deep delusion.

Answer 7

I think that is very wierd, of course I never saw the AP's since my daughter laid in an adoption agency for six weeks, with casts on her legs. We didn't know that until we reunited. Maybe she just wanted to pretend.

Answer 8

my first impression was that she wanted to put the idea out there that she was having a baby, not "getting a baby".

Answer 9

OMG Red.

I'm really not surprised they closed up the adoption then.

They wanted the baby - and want to pretend that it really is theirs - and if you were around - that would spoil the fantasy.

I'm so sorry Red.

And I'm scared for the adoptee also - as this type of scenario talks to me of never telling the adoptee that they're even adopted.

UGH.

It's not until later - that certain signs seem so obvious.

You trusted these people.

And they betrayed you - in the worst possible way.

Answer 10

The woman who adopted from one of my friend's children went father than that! See, the adopting mother was unable to have kids so, when she met my friend and saw the trouble she was having with her back, she went out and bought one of those preggo bellys that some guys use to understand their wives's pregnancies, well she wore it every day and night for the last 2 months of my friend's pregnancy, even to work! She wanted to really understand what carrying a child was like and was able to experience the strain on a mother's body (minus childbirth, by hey, she tried with what she could do) and didn't take it off until my friend went into labor! She had a new respect for birthmothers after that.

Her and my friend are very close now and my friend has taken on the role of an aunt to her son. Her doing the preggo belly thing really helped her understand my friend's task of carrying a child and I think it really helped build a better birthmom-adoptive mom relationship!

Answer 11

Sounds weird, but maybe her way of feeling part of hte process.  I have heard of men who wear the preggers suit to feel what it is like. (okay really only in the movies, not in real life).  I don't know maybe she wore it for the comfort.  

Sounds odd to me, but we all come at this in different ways.

More importantly was how she treated you and your child the remainder of the time.

Answer 12

That's beyond a little strange, it's flippin creepy.

Especially the birthing classes and leaving the actual pregnant woman at home.  Hubby and i went to parenting classes and one that was geared for adoptive parents.  I would have felt d**n silly in a birthing class.  What woujld i be preparing to push out?  My bladder?  That is really really creepy.

But I wasn't in your situation so I won't say it should have been a reg flag.  Red flags are only obvious when you know what to look for.  There's no shame in not knowing something's a red flag until you know better.

Answer 13

I'm confused on how the adoptive parents were allowed to do all this stuff for you. How were they legally allowed to buy you all these things and let you live with them? That's totally illegal where I live!

I have a 16 yo pregnant girl living with my family right now. She was sent to us instead of being shipped away to a maternity home by her parents. She is considering parenting and adoption. She really wants us to adopt her baby but 1) we don't want another baby 2)Legally she has lived with us way too long and we have spent way too much money on her for it to even be legal for us to adopt her baby.

Also, before we adopted my son, I bought a gift for his first mom. It was just some lotion. My adoption agency told me I couldn't do this because adoptive parents were not supposed to buy first moms anything.

Is this not illegal where you live?

Answer 14

I  have to say that sounds creepy to me also, bordering on delusional. From the first sentence I almost thought it could be okay--I mean I wear Empire waist dresses all the time, and have even lent them as maternity wear to pregnant friends, so that I can get, but an actual maternity dress is not just a regular Empire waist--it usually hangs down extra long in the front, and as Tish says they are usually overpriced and shoddy. AND she bought it with you, over your protests, at a maternity shop. Well all of that makes it deeply creepy.

But not as disturbing as the birthing class. WHAT!?!?!?! They went to a birthing class WITHOUT YOU!?!?!?!  WTF?!?!?!  That seems really deeply delusional.

I'm so very sorry, Red. I can only imagine how I'd feel if my daughter were with these people. I can't say it would have been a red flag, though. In retrospect, sure, but you were living in their house and trusted them. And they abused that trust. I'm so sorry.

Answer 15

sorry but those people sound weird.

Answer 16

Oh my! Sounds like one of the fruitloops escaped the cereal box.

Sorry Red.

Answer 17

No -- I have never heard of anything like that.... seems a little strange.

However, there are some cute maternity clothes and --- ummmm it still seems kind strange to me.... Odd....

Answer 18

The only time I've ever worn maternity clothes is when I was pregnant.  

I've never heard of PAP's doing this in preparation for an adoption.

Answer 19

Yeah that does seem a bit weird.

Answer 20

Um.  TO ME, that sounds pretty weird.  (That's just me.)

Red flag?  Maybe it's just what she likes to wear.  There are alot of "poofy" clothing out there that look like "maternity" wear but are not.  How can you be sure that's what it was?  Did she SAY that's what it was?  Maybe that outfit was a "happy" outfit because she wore it the first time she met you?

When I met my son for the first time (the same day I gained physical custody of him) I kept the outfit he was wearing even though he's outgrown it.  I just associate it with that day and smile every day I see it hanging in his closet.

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Personally, that is weird... but as I always say, there are all kinds of parents, I guess "weirdly dressed" is included

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Wow, the whole birthing classes seem even weirder...  and not including you?  It seems as though they were living through you.  Were/are they nice and all?

Answer 21

Nope, don't know any PAPs or APs that wore maternity clothes.