Does anyone know some realy good jokes????

Question

(dirty jokes and blond jokes to be exact)

Answer 1

These two friends are hitchhicking across the country. They are hungry with little money so they stop at a farm and ask if they can have something to eat. The farmer says sure but first you have to out in the feild and pick 100 of one of products. They go out into the field and awhile later the first friend comes back to the farmer and shows him 100 grapes. The farmer says great now start shoving them up your ***. The guy starts to shove them up his ***, around 90 grapes he starts to giggle. The farmer looks at him and says "what's so funny?" and the guy giggles "hehehe my friend is out there picking watermealons."  

My boyfriend told me that and I laughed.

Answer 2

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 3

                     Yo Mama Jokes

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Answer 4

Well this isn't a joke but it really happened I was in my boyfriends car and we over heard a woman on the radio she said she is a lost girl and has nothing to wear but her gee string and heels she needs someone to help her put wip cream all over her self. I was like wtf? and trucker guys got on and said ohhhhh ok lets go get her don't worry honey alarm goes off wowowowowowowowow pull over! wtf! It gets worse me and my boyfriend found out it was a guy making those phone calls ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww lol!  

Answer 5

Bill Clinton, George Bush and d**k Cheney die in an accident and go up to the pearly gates to be judged. They are each made to stand in front of a door. Then a voice booms, "Bill Clinton, you have led a sinful life, now this will be your punishment throughout all eternity." Then Clinton's door creaks open, and an ugly old witch comes out, grabs Clinton by the arm, and drags him off.

Then the voice booms, "George Bush, you have led a sinful life, now this will be your punishment throughout all eternity." Then Bush's door creaks open, and this really hideous old hag comes out, gives an evil cackle, grabs Bush by the arm, and drags him off.

So now d**k Cheney is standing there by himself, wondering what's in store for him, when he notices a keyhole in the door. He looks through it and sees Paris Hilton. Suddenly the voice booms, "Paris Hilton, you have led a sinful life..."

Answer 6

Seven Degrees of a Blonde

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."



SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street.

One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.

She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry.

She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.

She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"



FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.

She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class.

The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen.

I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman.