Does anyone like the poem i made up

Question

Do you like my poem?

Death

Another day

Another night

Nothing left to say

But to tell him to hold on tight

To hold on stronger

For a lot longer

He’s weakening by the hour

Not strong enough to take his own shower

Forever waiting

Anticipating

The truth is soon to come

This is making my whole body numb

This one day

Changed my life in a lot of ways

This day where he couldn’t hold on for any more

I try to forget this day because my heart becomes sore

Answer 1

aw I love it.  I write poems and books myself (though im only 13).  The sentence lengths work perfectly together

Answer 2

very good:)

Answer 3

this is some deep sh*t right here

Answer 4

i like it alot

it sounds like the lyrics to like a COB or metallica song

Answer 5

its really good.

Answer 6

li'l funny

Answer 7

Nope. It is not very good. You try too hard to rhyme, but it has neither rythm nor flow.

You seriously need to take a class or read a LOT of classic poems to gain a sense of style and/or rythm.

Michelles demonstrates an excellent flow, and is a good poem, but it does not rhyme. She decided to make a flowing poem that has no rhyme, but the flow itself reminds me of raindrops.

You shoud seriously try again, without trying to rhyme words. Write from your feelings, and hold it all in until it feels like it's going to burst out of your heart....

THEN...and only then....write.

Answer 8

No, sorry I don't care for death...

Answer 9

I'm sorry for your loss.

I got the feeling it was for someone you lost and their final days.

I like your poem very much.

Answer 10

ITS GREAT !!!!!!!

do u think u can help me with my Question well any one really its the poetry one well

yours is really really REALLY good no joke

keep writting

Answer 11

Very good. Reminds me of my mom :[

Answer 12

I liked it..

go to untappedtalent.co.cc its my website, where i have posted many of the poems and songs I have wrote. I would love it for you to go and read some of them and give me some feedback.

thanks.

no this is NOT spam. I promise.

Answer 13

That is really good. The best poem i've read on here. Very depressing though, that's pretty much how my grandfather was in the days before he died.

Answer 14

it sounds like a bad time...i lost my brother to suicide. your poem is good, but there your feelings and nobody can know how you feel. keep writing. you have talent...keep the private ones for only you...sorry about whoever you wrote about. life sucks sometimes...more than it should..peace

Answer 15

i dont like the way it flows. it seems to be choppy because youre so concerned with the rhyming. the substance itself is all right. not cliche like others be the rhyming, eh, its really not working for me.

Answer 16

Not strong enough to take his shower.....this is called 'desperate rhyming'

How about

When once he was a tower....or

Like a dying flower............or

He's losing all his power

Answer 17

yes this is great, i rele like it

Answer 18

goose bumps...

Answer 19

It's... different.

Do you like mine?

Peaceful falling rain

The raindrops fall from heaven

Rinsing away sin

A peaceful world would follow

If people were like raindrops

Answer 20

Depressing, but good!