Does anyone like the start of my story?

Question

Does anyone like the start of my story?

It's just the preface, oh and by the way I'm 13 :)

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/kirsten_roddyx/308290/

thanks:)

Answer 1

Wow - you're only 13? Hard to believe!

Look, as a published writer, I could tell you that you have a real chance of publishing your stuff some day - the only advice I would give you is to work on stories that have to do with your life and the people you know, because when you practice writing about things you can experience in front of you, it makes it a lot easier to "breathe life" into character you can imagine.

The story has a good start, you need to finish it. It's hard for someone 13 to publish a story, but even if this one doesn't get published, keep working and working at it - you 100% have the talent to pull it off if you practice a lot.

Answer 2

Try and create your own style of writing. Make sure you sound like a human, not like someone who's looked up the synonym for every other word.

Interesting story though.

Answer 3

Holy c**p thats good for only being 13, very nice in depth descriptions and the use of words is unexpected from a 13 year old. You have patience! Write the rest and publish it that way I can read it!

Answer 4

i think i would want to read tht if u published it.  its very good,  although the first bit about u seeing the boy, maybe u should give us more info because u said tht then went on about the family.  but good luck its very good,

Answer 5

There are a few things I get from a brief look at it.

Firstly is that the writing style comes across as quite stiff and unnatural and some sentences are rather awkward and stilted because you've tried to say something quite simply in what I suppose is meant to be a more 'sophisticated way of putting it.

It just gives the impression you've been looking too hard at the thesaurus. Try and write more naturally-don't think so hard about the words you are using and it will give more flow to your writing.

You also need to work on developing an individual style and voice within your writing, and giving your character more personality. Immediately your narrator comes across as kind of flat and one dimensional-a believable character and therefore a believable piece of writing, must be well rounded and well developed.

Answer 6

I thought it sounded pretty good. =)

There were a few grammar problems here and there, but nothing that couldn't be fixed fairly easily.

I like your writing style and I'm eager to see what happens next...

I think you have something here!

I sent you a friend request... My username is iheart5 on Writerscafe.

Will you read one of my chapters in your free time?

Thx. =)

Answer 7

the story sounds really good i felt like reading on you have done a great job for starters i would love to read the rest when you have done. i enjoyed the way you described Nancy-

her robust red cheeks her greasy hair hung limply, tangling itself in noughts like snakes entwined together.

keep it up and im surprised your 13!

Answer 8

it is very cool. keep it up.