Does anyone look at how some "goth" or "scene" kids dress and wonder..."Where are the parents??"

Question

I see a boy who comes in to school, hair down to his shoulders, heavy black eyeliner on and dressed in all black with different colors mixed into his hair.

He also has green and black nailpolish on and sports three holes in each ear and a nose ring.

He's FOURTEEN. His parent had to have signed for those piercings. I am a senior in HS and I wouldn't dream of signing that for my child. Where are these kid's parents when they get dressed in the morning? If my child tried that their *** would be in the bathroom scrubbing that eyeliner off, those earrings would be off, and the hair would be cut and returned back to a normal color.

I would be more accepting to a girl having eyeliner on and having earrings, but if my son were to walk into school like that i'd just murder him. Maybe ONE earring, but anything else? Absolutely not!!!

Answer 1

i'm an indie rocker and I have a 2 ear's done, we are normal people

if you don't like what you see, don't look

we are just like you but have different taste in music and dress different and i'm also guessing you have track state bot tons and a timberland t-shirt on or something

you are what we called 'chavs' low class people so please get better music taste and grow up

Answer 2

Why would it bother you so much that your child dressed that way?  It would only be them that had to suffer any negative consequences from it.

And if you did all that you say you would, you'd have an even more rebellious and also resentful teen on your hands.  Allowing teenagers to assert their independence with something like hair, makeup and piercings is far more safe than the alternative of drugs and alcohol.

And by the way - do you let your parents dress you in the morning?  There may be things about the way you look that they don't like.

Answer 3

You are making a generalization that because these kids dress "funny" that their parents are ignoring the important things in their lives too.  My experience is that kids whose parents encourage their children's self expression actually have closer relationships with their kids.  The kids feel that they are respected, and therefore are more open and honest with their parents.

I feel that if the worst thing my kid ever did was wear eyeliner, I'm probably pretty lucky.

Answer 4

You could be right. Perhaps the parents aren't doing their job.

or. they are.

Allowing their child to express himself, and not oppressing him and making him conform to what society thinks is right, or what a certain person thinks is right, takes away the freedoms that our so called wonderful country has adopted.

Plus, saying that a girl could wear eyeliner and have earrings, and a boy cannot, is very sexist. It's his choice, not yours. Not anyones. People are not to be controlled, not to be restricted of what they can do. We already do that too much with domesticated animals.

And BTW: usually those people have more personality than the people walking around with shirts advertising Abercrombie and Hollister - which is probably the biggest marketing success ever - having it be in style to advertise and support a corrupt corporation that feeds our society's downfall. I'd much rather my child become goth and wear clothes that other people have chosen for them, than for them to waste their money on designer and preppy clothes which fund abusive human labor in factories.

Answer 5

I dress pretty conservative.."urban cowgirl" if you will...

I have no problem with anything except tattoos...

And I wouldn't have a problem with them if they weren't permanent...

Hair grows out, holes grow shut, styles change, ....It's what is in your head that counts..

I have often thought that a lot of people are against all these trappings because they didn't have the cajones to do it themselves... even though they wanted to......just my opinion...

One other thing...I have a much bigger problem with other kids and adults who make fun of them.. if they don't like it , mind their own business...

Answer 6

Sometimes kids change at school like they go into the bathroom and change their clothes. He could have peirced his ears himself as well. I think it's kinda gross I'm not trying to be mean but gothic people scare me, don't gothic people know that they can't get jobs looking like that? Nobody will take them seriously.

Answer 7

He probably pierced the holes himself... without parental consent.

Dressing in Goth isn't hurting anyone.

Answer 8

I guess it just comes down to values and priorities. I wouldn't be too happy if my kid wanted to dress like that, and I'd put some limits on him, but ultimately I have other battles I'd prefer to fight.

As long as my kid is behaving, doing well in school, and adhering to our home rules and the rules of his school and society, I'm willing to let him have some leniency in the area of self-expression, especially when it comes to things that are not permanent, like makeup, clothes, and hair. Tattoos...now there we might have to set some firmer limits! And visits to grandma definitely call for toning it down a little. But other than that, if he's growing up to be a kind, moral, and intelligent person, I can overlook a little eyeliner.

Besides...how fun would it be 10 years down the road if he looks at old pictures and says "I can't believe I dressed like that! What was I thinking?"

Answer 9

I'd much  rather have them wear goth clothes then to be mindless clones who wear stuff from the Gap,Abercrombie and all those other preppy stores. I hope I never become as judgmental as you are.  

Answer 10

More than likely he did the piercings himself. Its also possible that they eyeliner goes on after he leaves the house in the morning.

While some kids have parents that just dont care or get involved in their childrens life, its possible this kid is a good kid. He may be getting excellent grades and is respectful to his parents. His looks should not dictate how he is being raised. I remember as a teenager I wanted to wear all black and the guys in my school all had long hair. It was the 80's and we all had "poofy" hair with super blond highlights. I laugh at my pictures now when I look at them, it was just the cool thing then. I know my mom didnt always like it. I was a good kid though, never in any trouble and now as an adult have a nice car, house, good job and wonderful husband. I turned out fine and I have the feeling a lot of these kids will also.

Answer 11

I agree with you I see it a lot especially when I was in high school. I think the parents don't want their child to feel like their creativity is being blocked or something like that. I think its c**p I would never let my child walk out of the house like that

Answer 12

I think it's just a phase. He's not hurting anyone other than himself and i along with his parents,  think it's perfectly alright for him to express himself however he wants.  It might come back to haunt him later,  but he's growing up and they're his decisions.  

Answer 13

Well I can see that you are judging based on exterior appearance!  I was in the "goth" scene (and still am) I hated it when people judged based on the appearance.  How do you know he's not an honor roll student with excellent grades?  How do you know he's not a trustworthy teenager and that his parents give him well earned freedom?

Since you are only a senior in high school, how do you get to judge how his home life is and how good or bad of person he might be?  Open your eyes and your heart and stop looking down your nose at others.  He just might be a good, decent guy.  People like you made fun of people like me in high school because I dressed in black and wore the typical goth attire.  I had no problem getting others to take me seriously.  I even earned a fantastic job in a scrap booking store that paid well before I had got married and after I was married I chose to quit when I found out I was pregnant to be a stay at home mom.  I turned out to be a much happier person because I knew the only reason I was made fun of is because I went against the typical mainstream teen look.  I was happy with who I was and still am.  Are you?

-Add-

You don't make fun of it yet you say it looks ridiculous?  That's called making fun of it.  I agree with BoSox27.

Answer 14

No, because I'm not narrow - minded or prejudiced.  I would tend to wonder where the parents of the kids in the Abercrombie polos who are drinking and shoplifting are before I judged the parents of the kid walking down the street with blue hair.  

By the way, there's a lovely young woman who volunteers at our local children's hospital who dresses like that.  My son looks forward to chatting with her whenever he has an appointment.

I'd rather have my child "look ridiculous" like the boy you're judging than be ignorant and intolerant like you.

Answer 15

He sounds like he's got issues, that's for sure.  Out of curiosity, what's a "scene" kid?

Answer 16

Older kids(espically the age group you are talking about) like to dress that way. As for me, as long as your not going to school with shorts and flips flops in 40 degree weather, the parents really shouldn't be involved in how kids dress.(Yes the 40 degree thing is a true story. I live in SC, and saw that on too many days.)

Answer 17

No, I honestly believe in giving children boundaries but that those boundaries should not limit their self expression. I believe the way people dress is their way of self expression and me telling my kid "that's not normal" doesn't make it any less or more offensive that what the next kid is wearing. Social "norms" are not always a good thing and if my child chooses to go his own route in life i will trust that I have raised him/her to know right from wrong...and THAT is more important than their outward appearance. I use to dress goth and  I love my parents for not only allowing it but embracing it. I still prefer black clothes and dye my hair colors from time to time...but i work in a suite and tie type atmosphere in an office and am in school, married, and have one child with one on the way. I’m as normal as they come. Just because they are one way when they are young means nothing about how they will turn out except to say that you two will have a better relationship because you accepted them the way they are and allowed them to find themselves without judgment.

Answer 18

calm down and worry about your own life. there are much more important things you could be stressing over.

Answer 19

Oh yeah, I wonder. I would never let any child in my care dress like that. They can express their own personal style, that's fine, as long at that style is one that will earn them the respect of their peers and the respect of the adults in their life. When they turn 18, if they want to dress like that and have people look down on them, that is their decision. But I want more than that for them. No one will hire them dressed like that. People will judge them for it. I want my kids to be safe. Plain and simple.

Help me out

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Answer 20

As long as my children are being polite, healthy & safe, I don't really care how they are dressed or how they wear their hair.  That's a really personal decision regarding how to present themselves to the world.