Does anyone secretly wish they were a single mum?

Question

so they didnt have anyone nag them or expect loads of attention even though they can see you're busy with a new baby, and have noone to answer to?

Answer 1

I used to think exactly the same but then I became a single parent and its hard work. You never get a break if you are ill etc, going out anywhere is a nightmare sitters etc... and the loneliness is sooo horrible, Be happy you have soemone to be with!

Answer 2

not in any way! i love watching my husband and my son spend time together, they have the best time together, my little boy just loves his daddy! i believe children need a mother and a father as they offer different things to a child's life, all very important! i take my hat off to single parents who manage to do it all on their own, but i never would think of being a single parent as an ideal situation.  

Answer 3

With my daughter I was a single mom, I guess the only thing that was "better" about it as I could do everything for the baby my way. Its so hard getting used to my fiance trying to take care of the baby as he doesn't like to listen to any of my ideas. He will let the baby cry on his lap without doing anything to get him to stop, he just thinks that not talking or playing with the baby will get him to stop, where as I will talk or sing.

That's my only pet peeve with sharing the responsibilities with someone.

Answer 4

I am a single parent and I wouldn't change one little thing.

And Teddy...a lot of men can't or won't face up to their responsibilities so don't go on about the fact that women 'shut them out', because it's blatantly not true.

Answer 5

Yes men don't fully understand the responsibility that comes with having a baby as much as women do - my husband helps out as much as he can but really most of it is all down to me.  I know exactly when my baby needs feeding and when her nappy needs changing - my husband only does it if I ask him to - he doesn't complain but I just wish he would do it off his own back.  And he is very demanding off me - always wanting attention - it's like I have two baby's to look after - his life has hardly changed - But I feel that life will never be the same again. Just because I am on maternity leave and he works full-time he now expects me to do all the housework like a dutiful wife where as before the household chores was 50/50.  He thinks I have it easy at home all day but it's a 24 hour job - I'm the one who gets up every night to do the night feeds while he stays asleep unaffected.  He expects the house to be spotless and his dinner on the table when he get home from work.  Sometimes when the baby cries He'll call me from upstairs to see to her when she was lying right next to him!!  Now we argue all the time - we were happy before.  I don't regret having a baby - I wouldn't change her for the world but i wish I had more support from my husband.  I have to go back to work soon and there is no way I can manage being a mum, housewife and go to work all at the same time - I've spoken to my husband about this and he still thinks that because I;ll only be working part-time I can still fit in all my other duties as well - he thinks he's the one who has got it hard - He even said that being a full time mum is easy!!  So yes I agree - I sometimes think it would be easier to be a single mum - no-one to answer to but myself and my baby - I would also get financial help from the government too.  But on the other hand I have a friend who is a single mum and she said it is very lonely and tiresome.

Answer 6

I understand what  you're getting at. In the first three months after my baby was born, my husband drove me crazy! It was just the little things he did that drove me mad. I felt like he was so demanding and I really didn't want to spend much time with him. It was a shock for me because we were so close before that so I really didn't expect the arrival of our baby to make me feel that way. Looking back, I realise now that my feelings towards him was mother natures way of ensuring that I paid attention to my baby and not to him to ensure my baby was well cared for and fed etc.  It really wasn't his fault, it was a confusing time for him as well as for me. He felt quite neglected by me because the baby was so demanding. Things got much better once we settled into more of a routine and took time out to explain to each other how we were feeling. Now we're back to normal and loving each other to bits once again!  

Answer 7

I can only speak for myself (and my mom, since she's told me great stories about my dad helping out when we were little), but my husband is AMAZING!!  He's always been so helpful with our daughter.  I don't have to tell him to be a father, nor did he whine for my attention in those exhausting early months.  :)

I can't imagine being a single parent.  SO much work, and no one to lean on if it's been a rough day.

Answer 8

i love being a single parent

Answer 9

Its hard being a single mum nobody to share the load with!! It does get difficult i am a single mum my children see their dad so they have a male role model but not on a daily basis. I would not reccommend being a single mum to anybody. Yes i dont have to share the milestones all the fun but i choose to i send pics i record what they hav been doin to the children dads.  

Answer 10

Never. My husband is the most patient, understanding husband I could ever wish for. If I've had a bad day with the kids, he would be happy to come home (after a 10 hour shift), send me upstairs for a bath, clean, make dinner and look after the kids for a couple of hours. I know I'm lucky because my brother in law treats his wife like s***. And my husband never craves my attention whilst the kids are awake. Thats what the evenings are for.  

Answer 11

I used to be a single parent after I divorced my 1st husband. Yes stupidly I got married a 2nd time, because I met this bloke and his parents where nagging at us to get married, they even paid for all the wedding, they were that intent on us getting hitched. and apart from having a beautiful daughter with him, that I adore with all my heart, Why the F*** did I get married a 2nd time. I am now totally trapped in this marriage and there's not a thing I can do about it.

Answer 12

LOL...I was a single mom with my first child...and it sucked...I had no one to share my thoughts and feelings with.  No one to get frustrated with when my baby wouldn't stop crying.  I enjoy having a partner now...it is so much easier...we can talk about what we are feeling and relieve each other.

But I know what you are talking about with the nagging...this is my husbands first child and my second...I've already done this...so he has his way of parenting and I have mine...so we nag each other a bit about it.

Answer 13

I do sometimes, you have a lot of work to do, and still there is someone who does nothing to help and expects you to do everything like it was before the kids came along! YES! sometimes I wish I was a single mum, but then again I would have to go to work and right now I have the privilege of being at home and raising my kids. So, I take the bad with the good.  I see others have written that being a single mom is sad because you don't have help and it's lonely. Well I am married, I get no help, I am with my kids most of the time and my husband hardly spends any time with me except on weekends because he works. So, its not that much better.

Answer 14

No, never have, never would honestly. I love my partner, and our son loves him to bits, so why would i wish that we wernt all together?

Answer 15

no not at all never.  

Answer 16

no one should want to be a single mum, if men don't help its often the women's fault for shutting the man out. I have seen it so often that mum's are incredibly protective, which is good of course but often to the detriment of the relationship. Men often feel left out with a new baby, and that is understandable, now they have to compete with a completely helpless individual, as opposed to when they had your almost undivided attention. Better to have two parents, sharing the responsibility than one having to cope with it all. and depriving the child the father they need.

how about seeing it from their side, instead of just your own, your baby needs both parents.

its amazing to me that people seem to think, going on the thumbs down thats it obviously better to be a single mother, that i simply cannot understand.  And having been through this with quite a lot of people, the one thing that strikes me is how often the relationship comes apart because the baby is now the complete focus of the woman, to the detriment of all else.

Answer 17

No, I don't. My husband is a wonderful father and when our daughter was a newborn, he never once seemed to expect "loads of attention". In fact he was helping out as much as he could with the baby, himself. I was breastfeeding, so obviously there was only so much he could do - but he did everything he could - including coming home on his lunch from work to help out if needed.

I completely respect single mothers for what they do though! Raising a child is not easy, no matter what, but being single adds some new challenges that most married or partnered women don't have to deal with (such as only having one income unless by choice for example).  

Answer 18

You really think being a single mom will stop all of that?  Being a single mom will INCREASE all of that.

Edit: To the thumbs down fairy.

"so they didnt have anyone nag them or expect loads of attention even though they can see you're busy with a new baby, and have noone to answer to?"

How many single moms have all sorts of other things pulling them in a million directions, ESPECIALLY with a new baby?  Like, say, another child expecting "loads" of attention?  And how many single moms have NO ONE nagging them?  I don't know of any.  Or how many single moms have NO ONE to answer to?  I don't know of a single adult at all that has NO ONE to answer to.

Answer 19

i have a partner(father of our son) and when i think about it i feel like i am a single mum, my partner is up and out of the house most morning before 7am and doesnt get home from work till 6pm.

our son is normally in bed by 6.30pm so only has a litle bit of time with dad, my partner normally bathes our son every night and will do the last bottle of formula before bed.

the good thing i guess is that i dont have to do anything over the weekend as my partner does it all

Answer 20

Sometimes.  When my husband forgets that he can pick up laundry, cook and clean.  When I'm really frustrated that all I do is clean after him and not our daughter and that I'm due to have another baby in 3 weeks.  Yes sometimes I do very much :D

Answer 21

i am in relationship, even though i know i shouldn't but i am too naive and hope that he will change. Maybe i am lack of courage as well to finish it once and for all.

Answer 22

It's horrible you feel this way, i'm hoping you start to feel better with your situation. it is so hard to bring a new baby home and try to be normal in your new life with baby. Take some time out and sit and have a conversation with hubby, make sure you let him tell how you feel and he may open up to you,

i really do hope things get better for you

Answer 23

Nope wouldn't dream of it. I have seen my friends and what they have to go through as single parents and I have no desire to be so tired and so lonely and do it all on my own like they do.