Does anyone understand teenagers???

Question

ok this is the deal.... my 13 year old son was caught stealing a soda with his friends yesterday. I am so hurt, I cant even explain. My son has always been a very good boy, he has never been in trouble before and he has money to buy it. So I dont know whats going on with him. We are a very close knit family and he is the first boy in are family in 17 years, so he is very loved by his father (which cryed when he found out what his son did) and his grandparents (i have never seen my father cry for my son before) he has change everything in my heart, dont get me wrong. I love my son more then life, but i dont think i can trust him. I dont know what to do.....

we are so hurt

Answer 1

I have a 17 year old son that pulled a stunt on us a couple of years ago.  Somethings I still hate what he did.  But the lack of trust does eventually heal and so does the pain from what he did.  Believe me however you punish him I am sure will be appropriate.  Even after the punishment he will be feeling the tention you are feeling with trusting him again..  Therefore the punishment will last much longer then however long you ground him for.  Your family will bounce back..  Don't be affraid to tell him you are assamed and it will take time to trust again that will be the hardest punishment for him to accept...

Answer 2

hello mochie,first of all we as parents have to understand that at age thirteen kid's whether it's a boy/girl become a teenager as to we call it adolesence,and they tend to become very vulnerable and curious as to what they can get away with,they don't never think of the consequences that will arise in the aftermath-so if this is his first time doing such a thing,then you sit him down as parents and speak with him to let inform him of your feelings about the entire situation and assure him that you will not tolerate it,you don't just give up trust in him because that's where we go wrong and cause them to stray away from us as a family....good luck.

Answer 3

Kids rebel at that age. Talk to him, make him feel sorry and guilty. Then take away something he enjoys[wii,ipod, etc.] away. Tell him how he could have gone to jail.

Good Luck

Answer 4

Hanging out with a bad group of friends by the sound of it.  I am guessing that the boys did it for the thrill of being bad more than wanting a soda.

All you can do is talk to your son about peer pressure, and staying true to who he is.  

When I was a teenager, my mum gave me a wonderful gift - she gave me permission to use her as an excuse for not giving into peer pressure.  It may be different for boys, but it was handy to be able to say - "all the soda's in the world aren't worth the c**p mum will give me if we get busted" LOL

Also, be careful not to over-dramatise things too much, or your son is going to discover a new way to get your undivided attention!  

Being 13, and giving into peer pressure is not a major catastrophe.  He got caught, and that's a great thing, because he will remember that, and that will probably be a bigger lesson for him than all the crying family members in the world!

Answer 5

Well, I'm 13 myself, and I think that (some) teenagers like to test boundaries a lot, and they also give in to peer pressure at times. I think you should talk to your son about what happened and why he did it, and he should probably get some new friends. =/

Answer 6

A soda? By 13 I was drinking and planning contastly how I was going to sleep with girls (didn't happen until quite a few years later). A soda? honestly I can't see why you're too worried about it, seriously if he wasn't doing stuff that was considered wrong then you should get worried.  Ease up on him, nobody is perfect and that is very very true when you are 13.

Answer 7

We like to Explore and see what Happens. But, I'd never go that low. Maybe He didn't want to and his Friends were pressuring him.

Answer 8

Good question -  I'd like to have an answer to that myself!  Teens are very impulsive and often act before they think about the consequences.  So when parents ask, "what were you thinking?"  the answer might very well be  "I wasn't thinking at all."   But the teens may not even realize this. So when asked why they did what they did, they often can't explain, and parents think they're just refusing to talk.  They look like adults, but they don't always reason like adults.

Answer 9

He is thirteen.  Peer pressure is very common.  Plus I'm sure he feels a lot of pressure from his family to be "good".  So this was his opportunity to act out.  Not so much that he sought to steal but because he had his friend with him.

Just to see what he can get away with.....in relation to you and the family as well as store which he stole from.  He's testing you.

Answer 10

been there, i know its shocking, but you have to teach your son to be a leader and not a follower and that's what he was doing when he was with those guys, he just wanted to fit in. just let him know that you don't trust him right now and he's will have to prove his trustworthy again, maybe he'll feel guilty. who knows, but a soda is small., what if he steals something bigger, than you'll have to get him out of jail. Good luck to you!!!!

Answer 11

Explain to him what he has done and let him know how much he is loved by everyone in the family and how it hurt everyone. Also you might want to start screeing his friends and just who he's hanging out  with. Explain to him how you want his future to be bright and so far it is, but he's hanging around negative energy then it could bring him down very easily and fast. GOOD LUCK

Answer 12

Calm down, he didn't mess up that bad.  He could have been caught doing something much, much worse.  I am not condoning shoplifting but as far crimes go, it's not the top of the list.  

His friends probably talked him into it, or the adrenaline that seems to come with youth finally got its way.  

Do I understand teenagers?  Pretty well think I got it down.  They can be sweet as pie, rotten as garbage, smart, stupid, whiny, vengeful jerks.  Just like adults, except we're taller and can hold things out of their reach while going "na na na na na".  

They are basically mini copies of adults- just not with the glory of having to hold down a job and pay taxes on things you could care less about.  Like whether or not my governor could order Armani to come and make his suits at home.

The point of this little charade is this- all kids experiment with bad behavior at some point.  Despite the fact that we may want to believe that they are angels disguised as relatives- they all mess up sometimes.

He's 13, give him a chance to make up for it and let it go.  He'll probably do some pretty stupid things in his life and not that stealing is a minor offense, but it could have been worse.

Answer 13

The first thing is to tell him (he should have seen his dad cry if he didn't) is how disappointed you are with him. That he doesn't have to steal what he wants. And that if he is doing it to be cool around his friends, he needs to not see these friends for a time.

Regardless of how good you think he has been, if there are no circumstances to his actions then he will not stop his actions. You can punish him, but also tell him why he is being punished and that there is no "out" of the punishment and that you still love him, just not the actions he has taken.

Answer 14

I understand your disappointment but he's just a kid getting caught up in peer pressure. Talk to him about it - he's still the same boy - he just messed up.

Answer 15

Well if your son is a good kid then its the people hes hanging around. im a teenager. and i definitely feel pressure from my people to do things. your son just need to find the right crowd.

let your son know you cant trust him and your disappointed in him. because trust me.. that's the absolute worst punishment. maybe ground him for a week or so. but try to avoid those friends. and be thankful it was just soda and not something he could get in a lot more trouble for.

Answer 16

The thing that will get trough to him most will be seing his family so disapointed and upset over him, teenagers uasualy do theese things because of peer pressure or for the kick, hopefully it wasn't the last one for your son.........

Answer 17

That is called peer pressure. When youth get together a Mob mentality takes over. You should keep him in constructive activities and get him to volunteer his time.

Answer 18

its called peer pressure. stop winning  and being whipy and talk to him.

teens may not act like it but they do listion