Does anyone worry they wont have enough love for more than one child?

Question

I already have one absolutely gorgeous 6 year old girl and have just found out i am 12 weeks pregnant with my second child. This wasn't a planned pregnancy and although I am happy about it I worry I won't feel the same way about this baby as I do my daughter. She has been my world for the past 6 years and I cant imagine having enough love, time or energy left for another child. i feel as though any love I have for this child will be taken away from my daughter (who is probably a bit more than spoilt!) and I worry our relationship will suffer..

What if I dont feel the same love for this child as I do my daughter?

Please help! No one seems to understand and if I hear "it will be ok" one more time I will scream... anyone else had the same feelings?

Answer 1

I worried about what life would be like with no 2.  No 1 had spent 24hrs a day with my partner and myself for years (as we worked together from home) and we just couldn't envision making the emotional room for another.  When No 2 came home it took about 3 days for No 1 to get used to it and they've been best friends ever since!  The first few days were strange, but things fell into a natural pattern very quickly.  

Your next child is coming and as you get more and more pregnant you'll probably find your daughter will start getting excited about the newcomer.  Every kid wants a brother or sister deep down!  It's more than OK to have these thoughts - it's still early and you're processing everything, as time goes on you really will be wondering what you were worried about!

Answer 2

Yes - I totally felt the same - when I was pregnant with my son - our first child (we tried for about 6 months before we got pregnant with him) I bonded with him while I was pregnant and we have a really close relationship - we always wanted 2 children and thought that we would have a two year gap but when he got to about 15 months we both weren't ready and just wanted to enjoy our little boy by himself for a while longer.  When he got to his 2nd birthday we thought that we better just go for it otherwise it would never happen and a couple of weeks later discovered I was pregnant.  It was a shock that this time it happened so quickly and I never really felt that closeness like I did with my son - we found out we were having a girl which we were excited about but I always worried that I would not love her like I did our son.  I worked three days a week and the two days we were home I spent alot of one-on-one time with him and couldn't imagine having more energy, love or time left for any other little person.  As she was breech I ended up having a caesarian and even the night before it felt more surreal than anything - with my son I was excited about going into labour and meeting him and with her I was more scared!  

But the moment she was layed in my arms all those feelings disappeared and all I felt was an incredible love for her and I didn't worry any more about how she would fit into the family.  Obviously the love grows stronger as you get to know your new baby and now my daughter is 20 months and my son is 4 1/2 and I love them both so much - equally - but in different ways aswell as their personalities are so different! One thing I do suggest that I felt was important was to include your first child in everything - make them feel like they are the big kid and are such a great help with the baby and a wonderful big sister and really prepare your daughter for everything while you are pregnant - if you need to do any changes in preparation for babys arrival do it earlier rather than later - we changed our son to a different room so that babies room would be closer - so we did this when I was about 3 months pregnant.  Get your daughter to pick out a present to give to the baby and get one to give your daughter from the baby too.  While baby is sleeping set aside a special time that is just for her.

Answer 3

I think you will find the time, and love for your second child...the first is always special...but she will enjoy the new baby as well...my granddaughter is 6, and my daughter just had a baby 3 months ago...my granddaughter adores him (except when he cries), so it makes it easier to adjust to having him around...

I have to tell you though, that as the grandmother, I can understand your thoughts...my granddaughter is everything to me, my love for her goes beyond love,,,and I have feelings that I won't ever feel the same about my grandson...I pray I get over it!!!

Answer 4

First of all congrads on the new addition! I wish you nothing but the best! As far as the question, well I have 5 and love for them is abundant! You are toooo cute to say the least with this question. That shows how much more love you have to give! Have yous 6yr. old experience this pregnancy with you! Make things with her for the baby on the way, have her sing to your belly, read a book with her and your belly...etc. As long as she is part of the experience of you and your pregnancy she will be more than happy to share the love..Before you know it there will more love to go around than you'll know what to do with..Heck you might even want another after this one comes home! LOL! God Bless you and your family

Answer 5

love does not get divided when you have more. Love grows. You won't understand till you have your second child. But trust me you are not alone in those thoughts. you hear it often. But you will have as much love for this child as your other. Most likely your love for both will grow

Answer 6

Remember those physics experiments where you connect lightbulbs up? Put two in a row and they get dimmer, but put them in parallel and they both get all the electricity they need to be just as bright as when there was only one?

That's what having two kids is like. I hear you, I understand your concern, I've been there - and it will be OK.

Answer 7

I have a 12 mth old daughter and a few months ago I was asking the same question. I also felt like I had no more love to give coz all my love was indulge by my daughter and I kind of felt like I didn't really want to have another child coz I didn't really want to share my love but I am now 8 weeks preggies and this wasn't planned either but I have been told by so many people that as your pregnancy progresses each month you will start to love this child in your tummy and by the time it comes out into the world you will have just as much love for it as you do for your 6 yr old. Im also worried about the work load I will be facing coz I will then have two kids under two. Your love will grow in time. I think a little sister or brother will be good for your daughter.

Answer 8

I have just read the answers most peole have all ready given

I have to say that i agree

Even thou you doubt it now, when the baby is born its not a matter of dividing your heart down the middle and giving each child a portion. You will find your heart will grow, and MORE than double.

people who say you cant love child number 2, 3 or 9 as much as the first, usually don't have 2 3 or 9 kids!!!

our heart just gets bigger with each child!!!

Each child will hold that special, unique, all-their-own,  place place in your heart.

Answer 9

Im having the same feelings at the moment, im currently 34 weeks gone with  my second son.

Ive had almost 5 amazing years with my son and i love him so so much and i do worry that cos ive been alone with him for so long that i will love him more than the baby and i feel SO guilty for thinking that.

My mum said she was the same with me and my brother and it just naturally happened but i do worry that i will favour one child over the other and i would really hate that to happen!!

I do hope that you feel just the same way about your next baby as you do about your daughter as it is an amazing feeling - but have you thought about talking to your health advisor about these feelings? you may find its alot more common than you think and they can maybe tell you how to go about dealing with it?

i personally havent done anything, im hoping that when the baby comes the situation will fix itsself, as i worried before i had my son that i woulndt love him cos i just wasnt interested in having kids at all and then found out at 17 weeks i was pregnant with him. but i completely fell in love with him the second i saw him and im HOPING its the same second time around. if not then i think i might speak to my health advisor and see what she can suggest!

i hope all works out well for you, and just make sure your daughter is as involved in yoru pregnancy as she can be, its helped me alot to see my son is looking forward to meeting his new brother!

take care and relax!!

xxxxxx

Answer 10

I totally felt the same way during my 2nd pregnancy.  Our first daughter had just turned 3 when our 2nd daughter was born.  I'm a stay at home mom, so our oldest had me all to herself for 3 years.

As it turns out... you do not have to cut your heart in half and make them share.  Instead, your heart simply doubles in size!  You will absolutely love and adore BOTH of your children.  It seems unfathomable now, but it happens.  Its truly magical.  Your children are individuals, so you will love them in different ways, but no more or less.  

Dont think of it as something that will cause your relationship to suffer.  Think of it as an opportunity for your relationship to expand and deepen as you share in the love of a new little person together, and you enjoy getting to know him or her together.  

I was 8 years old when I became a big sister.  My mom and I were like best friends, and the arrival of my little brother didnt change that.  However, when I was older, I became Mom's built-in babysitter, so avoid abusing that with your daughter.  Its frustrating to be removed from the sibling role and tossed into being Mini-Mom.  Allow her to help out and bond with the new baby, but avoid forcing her into doing too much.  She should be in the sibling/friend capacity.  Not an authority/parent capacity.

Anyway... congrats!!!!  You wont lose love by having this new baby.  You will GAIN a lot more love.  You wont believe how much your heart can hold!

Answer 11

You will feel different as the pregnancy continues. there is no limit to a mothers love, and nothing will change the bond you ahev with your daughter. Because she is already 6 it will be easy to work together with both. You oldest is gonna be a big sister and a big helper. Love isn't an issue. Time isn't either, you can make that work. As for energy, I dont think any mom can come up with enought energy :) For even one kid...lol

Answer 12

i want 2-3 kids and i know i will love them all the same! don't be so selfish... once you hold your new baby in your arms, your whole world will change

Answer 13

I have 6 kids..each I love for their individuality and the people they are. Your sicx yr old will be in school and you will have a wee one to nurture and love. And the 6 yr old can learn to love others and realize she isnt the center of the universe..because the outside world of school isnt going to love her like you and baby does

Answer 14

This is your initial reaction and your daughter is probably thinking the same thing like attention will be taken away friom her and the spotlight will be put on your new baby...its just worries! THe new baby will come and youll be so over it the love for both of them will just come automatically the same

Answer 15

i know how you may feel that i have 8 children and thats always a worry it's normal to go through emotions like you describe but trust me love once you hold the new baby in you arms for the first time all those feelings will just be totally forgotten and your other little angel will still have her special little spot in your heart it just all falls in to place all my 8 are spoilt and you can never over spoil love

Answer 16

The feelings I have are more like "will I have enough patience for more than one child"!

I do know that what you're feeling is normal. I've found an interesting article on the topic. Yes it is a bit "it will be okay" but I thought it might give you a bit of an insight.

http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/pregn...

Good luck!