Does anything change after marriage for couples who already live together?

Question

My fiance and I have lived together for 2 years, it will be almost 3 by the time we get married in April. We both seem to believe that things will be different once our level of commitment becomes that much deeper. To us, living together as husband and wife will be so much more special than living together as an engaged couple.

However, a lot of our friends tell us nothing is going to change (We are only 25, which is really young for marriage in NYC, and none of our friends are married yet), but they don't really know for themselves, so we don't listen to their advice. A coworker of mine just got married and she said nothing changes.

What is your take on this? Do you start spending more time together and seeing your friends less when you are married? Do you feel more committed to each other? Does your love grow stronger after marriage?

Thanks!

Answer 1

I didn't live with my husband before we got married so I can't speak to your particular situation, but I'd really recommend you talk through your expectations of marriage.  We covered it during premarital counseling and it was really, really helpful.  If you fiance expects you to turn into Martha Stewart and start cooking fabulous home-cooked meals every night and you expect him to stop going out with friends and devote all his time to you...well, you might not both be on the same page.  I've just been married 3 months and a lot has changed for us, and we've also realized we did have some unrealistic expectations but were able to talk through them.

Communication is key and I'd just sit down with your fiance and talk about what you think should change so you have a basis for discussing things after the wedding.

Answer 2

well i dont i nothing will change maybe u guys might have s*x or do something but nothing big will happen  

Answer 3

well  my daughters aunt and uncle just got married themsleve and they said that nothing changed 4 them cuz they live together 2 so really ur answer is nothing will change everything will be the same for u and ur man so dont worry ok things will go fine for u  

Answer 4

I've heard of many couples who live together in perfect contentment, but after the wedding, it all goes down hill and they split. I'm not saying this happens to everyone though.

But, yes, things can change. I have no idea WHY, but they do.

Answer 5

I have lived with my fiance for 5 months and we are getting married in October. I don't think things will change either.  I don't think I even want them to change but as you said all I could wish for is a stronger bond.

Answer 6

Yes, things will change.  And you are correct that because of the commitment the level of intimacy deepens as the years go by.

That is why so many people who have been married for many, many years die after their spouse has passed.  They have truly lost part of themselves.

You are in for a great adventure!  Treasure what you have; protect it, nourish it.

Best Wishes to you!

Answer 7

I don't anticipate anything changing.  Like my honey said "it's not like changing into superwoman"

What you will have is a day to remember and a deeper love and commitment for one another.  If you end up coming home from your honeymoon and do laundry while he watches TV, then that's ok too.  Life is nothing like what you see on lifetime movies and thank God for that.

Answer 8

My fiance's answer to this.....

"Oh yeah it's gonna change... I can finally let myself go... no more staying in shape to look good for you.. (is round a shape?) no more having to make sure my laundry is done (so what.. now I will have to pick it up off all the floors instead of just the bathroom?) and I don't have to worry about my hair falling out!" (was there some sort of brain exercise that he was using to prevent this that he will no longer be doing?)

Every time he tells me this I just laugh at him and tell him that I love him.  If you knew him you would know that this is his way of saying... nothing is going to change.

Answer 9

Living together is different as been a married couple. Married you both became a "one single flesh". If you really understand what a marriage represents, of course things will be different (remember: what God joins must not be separated by human acts), so you will pass form just living together and have fun together to start a journey to work and live for each other and do every necessarry to avoid the ship to wreck.  

Answer 10

well..i'm in the same situation and around the same age, 26y/o. i havent go married yet, so i dont know. BUT my fiance's brother got married last sept. and they lived together for about 3 years before getting married, so a lot of their expenses were pretty much tied in already. i ask my fiance's sister-in-law if it feels different when they first got married and recently, and she said nope for both. so, almost a year gone by and nothing still feels different.

EDIT: i think people have A LOT of expectations as soon as they say "i do" and that's what changes the relationship, sometimes for worse and sometimes for better

i think things REALLY change when you have a baby. i know that my relationship changed a lot, some good and some bad.  when you have a baby, which you didnt, and lived together before marriage as well as have s*x, which i'm assuming you do, then not much changes. you start doing bilsl more and worrying about wills and blah blah insurance and all that stuff, but that's just paperwork.

i dont expect much to change now that we have a baby together and have been lving together for a while. i just think marriage will be official.

Answer 11

since you both already know what it is like to live together, nothing should change. yes it is special but nothing will be different, such as seeing your friends less, ect. unless YOU both make it that way.  

Answer 12

I didn't live with my wife before marriage but I have friiends that say things change because of the emotional ties and legal ties that you will share after marriage. Things might get better for you.

Answer 13

I have seen other couples who have changed.  I have seen the wives become very demanding and bossy.  They rule the household and make lots of demands.  Their husbands seem unhappy and argue back.  I've also seen husbands turn into lazy slobs and use the new wife as a maid.  Now, I don't act that way and know that we won't either.  I think its all about the relationship and who's in it.

Answer 14

It depends on your relationship and on your feelings about marriage. My husband and I lived together for almost a year and a half before we got married; I can say that for us, the main thing that's changed after marriage was other people's perception of our relationship. Before, his mom would have us stay in separate rooms when we visited (even though we were already living together at the time), and after we got married she suddenly started to attempt to put us in the same room - which actually was funny, as we ourselves always sleep in separate rooms because of his snoring. So we actually had to "request" separate rooms, just like in the old days. But, irony aside, I felt that while my relationship with the in-laws has always been good, I was fully accepted into the family only after we were officially married. Just in general, the perception is certainly different when you introduce yourselves as a husband and wife as opposed to b/f and g/f or fiancé or significant other or any such thing.

I think, if you yourselves feel that marriage leads to a deeper commitment, then it'll probably make a difference to you personally. A lot of it is about perception. The actual signing of the marriage license has never been a big deal to me personally, because by the time I'm taking this step I had already imagined myself in a committed relationship with this person for years to come, and the official marriage feels more like a formality than as something life-changing (the life-changing decision is usually making the commitment to a long-term relationship with a particular person, and this comes before marriage). Also, different people "save" different things for marriage; the thing we "saved" was combining our finances - so there was this change to deal with, putting our assets together, but it was not a huge thing as we already had a very clear understanding of how we were going to do it.

P.S. I would add that our love has definitely grown stronger with time, our relationship has become more intimate; but it didn't happen overnight when we got married - it's a gradual process that has been going on for as long as we've been together.