Does cheating help guys love their wives even more

Question

when a guy secretly cheat behind his wife's back, but don't divorce his wife and comes home to his wife right after the "act" - does he feel more loving toward his wife, and why? or why not? thanks

Answer 1

I don't think he loves her more, but he might feel more sexual and it might slightly improve their marriage a bit.  But generally it kills a marriage because the woman on the side is "new."  She laughs at jokes that he told years ago.  She's probably younger and stupider and makes him feel special when he doesn't deserve to feel special (assuming the wife is an angel).  Cheating ruins a marriage because the man always starts to see minor problems in marriage as major ones to justify his cheating.  It's not fair to the woman.

Answer 2

In most cases, I'm going to say he doesn't love his wife more. He's sharing love with another woman (both physical and emotional) which chops off some of his love for his wife. Secondly, there is the possibility he might love the other person more and cheating we'll make him realize that possibly. Lastly, any guy willing to cheat must not really be in love with his wife all that much, if he's willing to try new things and try love with someone else.

Answer 3

In a word, "no."

If there's even the possibility that this dynamic (infidelity leads to increased love for the spouse) exists within the spectrum of human behavior, I'm not so sure that the purported elevated love for the wife is the same love (emotional, spiritual, and physical) that built and -until the point of the infidelity- sustained the wife/husband relationship.  In my view, that elevated love (if it exists) is most likely a function of guilt than of any increased bonding initiated by the husband.

Answer 4

That has to be the silliest thing I've ever heard! If a guy tells you that he is SERIOUSLY jerking your chain.

People like the buzz of ilicit s*x, the feeling of "getting away with it", of having secrets. Then they feel guilty so they overcompensate by showing more attention to the spouse, which is often what gives them away. Some idiot men actually feel "entitled" to extra s*x, because they're so "macho."

Other people just want what they can't or shouldn't have. If they actually leave their spouse then they soon get tired of the new s*x partner, and it starts again.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Answer 5

If a guy cheats then he is not capable of loving his wife.

Best wishes. UK

Answer 6

I'd say "No," because "cheating" is not a moral or ethical issue so much as it is a statement: "You (the cheated upon) disappoint me, you do not live up to my expectations of a wife/husband, you do not match my mental image of the ideal partner...so I get to/deserve to find someone else who comes closer to what I want."

So one says to oneself, in effect, "Because my partner disappoints me, and doesn't want to change or cannot change, I therefore have the right to seek someone else who will not disappoint."

There are two basic ideas here:

1, As a child, we each look at our parents as partners and see what a husband/wife is like. We then decide how much of that we accept for ourselves, and what we will change for ourselves. The result is a mental Ideal Image of the "perfect" partner. In adolescence we begin to seek out a partner who satisfies some of our ideals.

The problem, of course, is that no one is perfect...that is, no one will be able to live up to our mental image of the perfect partner. This leads us to disappointment and, at first, attempts to change the partner to conform to our ideal image, and at second, anger and resentment and thoughts about finding someone better.

2. From Dr. George Herbert Mead we get the sociological approach to partnerships called "role theory." In it, we come to a relationship with definitions of ourselves and the otehr person. As in the above, we create mental images of what we and the other should be like in a "partnership" relationship. Again, because the other will not or cannot live up to our definitions and "role expectations," we do things to change the situation, finally teling ourselves thast it's "OK" to step outside the partnership to seek someone more pliable, more like our role defintition, etc.

I hope this isn't too techncial, but you DID ask the question, and there you have the answer: No, he does NOT love his wife more (even if it appears so, it's guilt, not love, thast's operating).