Does convincing a natural mother to parent their child when they don't want to ...?

Question

create possible abusive and neglect issues down the road? What if the reason is lack of finances {they are too poor to raise a child; never had a job and never plan to get one}? If someone coerces a natural mother to parent their child are they not setting that child up for a lifetime of (or generational continuation of) poverty and welfare dependence?

Answer 1

d**n that Mother Nature for "coercing" human beings into loving their own offspring!  Where does she get off?  You'd THINK she'd be all for giving away the worthless thing that grows inside humans for nine months.  Just not right, I tell you.  Just not right.  People need to start giving away more babies.  There are people who want kids, dammit!  What are THEY supposed to do if everyone just wants to KEEP the things?  

Answer 2

I understand what you mean by this question. So many people on YA or so against adoption and seem to think that, no matter what, a child would rather live with their biological family. No, I don't necessarily think that a child should be given up because the biological family is poor, but if the parents are drug abusers, refuse to work to provide a stable home/food/necessities, or just plain don't want to be parents, why should they be talked into keeping a baby? There are so many people in the world that would love to be parents. Why would you want to talk a woman out of adoption and force her to raise a baby that she's not willing/ready/able to raise? People get pregnant and think they have to keep their babies. Many babies are abused, neglected, and end up in foster care because women are not properly informed of the choices they have.

My biological father was, and still is, an alcoholic and addicted to cocaine. My biological mother is manic depressive and bipolar. They knew they couldn't be good parents to me, so they gave me up. I am grateful to them that they had the sense to know I'd be better off with my adoptive family! I am glad I was adopted, and yes I WOULD RATHER HAVE BEEN RAISED by my adoptive parents!

I know I'm setting myself up here to get totally blasted by all of you, but I've been reading some of your rants here for several days, and I just don't understand why some of you seem so angry. I think many of you all are doing more harm than good to yourselves. This site is here for people to learn and relate to/from others. Not to slam everyone elses' thoughts/opinions/ideas.  

Answer 3

I think this is a very tough question...there are many reasons someone may decide to give there baby up.  A friend of mine had a family lined up that backed out last minute.  Her reason was that she had too many kids, not enough money and just didn't want to raise another child.  She kept the baby and they are all doing great.  On the other hand(depending on the person and the situation)  I think it certainly could lead to resentment and neglect/abuse.I don't think anyone should be coerced to make that decision either way.  I think they should be given all facts and allowed to make an informed decision on there own.  

Answer 4

As long as it was not killed before it was born it has a chance

Answer 5

I don't think it is possible for someone to really "coerce" a parent to keep their own child. To "coerce" someone generally means to trick them, or lure them, or lie about the situation.

I'm not sure how a parent can really be "tricked" into keeping their own biological offspring considering the hormones in a woman's body are specifically geared to have the primal instinct into wanting to keep her own child.

However...

If the parent really doesn't (and not "can't", "DOESN'T") want to keep her own child for any reason, then I'd support adoption. I'd support someone adopting that child because that child needs a home - and not because the parent wants to the child to fill their own emotional needs.

No one "deserves" a baby more than any other.

But to sum it up: yes, I'd have to agree with you that if the parent really doesn't want their own child, then adoption could be a solution.

ETA: Flowergirl - I have never said that it would be better for a child to remain with abusive BIO parents. Ever. In fact, I fully support adoption happening in the circumstance where a bio parent is abusive or an alcoholic, because the child is in obvious danger and should be removed.

And by the way, your point about bio parents not wanting their own child is an extreme rarity. The statistic is 2%; it has not changed over the years. It's so rare that it doesn't really make much of a difference if you point it out. *Not* saying it does not happen - I'm saying that it *rarely* happens.

And I can understand that you are very happy to have been raised by your adoptive parents - looking at your response, your biological parents were not fit to raise you, so it *was* a good thing you were adopted. I don't disagree with that at all. In cases like these, I do support adoption because there is no other plausible solution.

Answer 6

Unless there has been a cycle of serious dysfunction, parenting your child is natural. Encouraging women to parent their children is the natural thing to do.

Not encouraging women to parent their children is unnatural unless the patters of dysfunction are too much for them to stay together. At which point rehabilitation comes to my mind.

What are you advocating for here, encouraging women NOT to parent?

yeah okay, thats natural, suuuuuure.

I'm missing the point to this...are you trying to say that adoption is natural and if a woman says she doesn't want to parent, leave well enough alone and put her child into the industry?

If someone was going to get into a car and had never driven before, would you tell them of the pre-cautions?

If someone was going to have surgery would it be wise to give THEM the precautions and possible effects of what could happen to them?

In life when we make choices in any avenue, if someone knows about the side effects, or precautions isn't it usually a good idea to let the person know what could happen to them if they don't already know?

When children lose their mother they are traumatized. Regardless if they say they "feel" it when they're older or not, something happens to a child when that child loses his/her mother. Something dies, to the point that some adoptees won't even recognize losing a mother as a point of impact on their life. Who loses a mother and doesn't care? Only someone who has been severly traumatized.

Women should never be encouraged to just up and walk away from their child. They should know whats going to happen to THEM, and to their CHILD.

You need to read this: The Natural Child Project: Chapter One: Whatever happened to MOTHER?

http://www.naturalchild.org/whatever_hap...

Answer 7

I think your distorting the terms "convince"  and   giving "support".  

I have never heard or met anyone who has tried to "convince" a woman to keep a child she doesn't want. I certainly do see people trying to "convince" a woman to relinquish her child that she wants and loves.

I find it amazing how people so desperate for a baby to call their own, distort "words" to fit their personal agendas.

Its like the pro-adoption at any cost group in Guatemala calling the minimal "financial assistance" now starting to be given to nmoms...who can't get jobs because there aren't any...and don't want to relinquish their babies as "bribes".    These desperate for a baby Paps are sick and twisted.  

As far as your articles are concerned.

Norway doesn't look down upon welfare like Americans do. The average citizen there has a higher quality of life than Americans do.

England is having major problems with immigration in general. They pay more to illegals than even France.

Again how do these articles justify taking babies away from those less fortunate.

Answer 8

people can't be made to do something they don't want to do. In the case of adoption, it is the hiding sometimes of programs for help that leaves the b-mom no choice to but to give up her child. If choices were layed in front of her, of these are the programs that we can offer to you to help you keep your baby, and she still chooses to give up her baby, then i would be fine with the adoption. In the U.S.A i think there is an effort to do this, and in the end if the mom still chooses adoption, then there is no agruement.

However international adoption is a different story. Babies have been sold for money because the family is poor. Or the babies have been kidnapped by someone to give to an adoption agency for money. There have been stories in the news about this and a couple of countries have halted adoptions from these third world countries because of this corupption. How can you justify this? There needs to be more education for these families in these countries, because i feel they are not given an option expect for adoption.  

Answer 9

If you feel the need to CONVINCE someone to parent their child then they probably won't make a good parent. It doesn't sound like it's just lack of finances because if you want a child you'll do whatever you can for that child to live a happy life. Adoption would be the best for that child to live a more happy life rather than being with someone who doesn't really want him/her.

Answer 10

Yes.

Is it unconscionable.

Children and women deserve better than to be manipulated out of a good decision and into a very bad one.

It is interesting to see how many users who think a woman can be manipulate into adoption believe it is impossible for her to be manipulated out of it.