Does everyone realize...?

Question

That electronic communication is inherently ambiguous because we lack facial expressions, body language, and intonation cues?

I've noticed several people in just the last couple of days here on the adoption section get rather defensive because they say something very insensitive, and I've pointed it out to them. They start back-tracking and claiming they weren't talking about all "adoptees who are frustrated" or "all adoptees with issues" or "context" or whatever.

But this is a double standard. The adoptees they are attacking might very well point to the same thing. We are not talking about everyone, and there is a context to what we say that you might be missing. The benefit of the doubt is not being extended to "adoptees with issues" but is demanded by those people who continue to attack "adoptees with issues."

So, do you know that electronic communication is inherently flawed? Or is this just "another issue" I have due to my own experience that not everyone shares?

Answer 1

I think that anything and everything said in electronic communication can be taken the wrong way.    But I also think that everyone can and does judge people based on their own experiences (online or in the real world) and it is hard for anyone to look at things from someone else's perspective.  What is someone else's reality can be really hard for another person to understand.  I mean this in a general sense.  No two people's perspectives are the same.  Everyone has different upbringings, different experiences, different opinions and that, I think is a wonderful thing, because if we all thought the exact same thing, experienced everything the same way, we would live in a really boring world.  Don't you think?

Answer 2

You're right.  We don't often think about how much of human communication is nonverbal.  It's _much_ easier to misunderstand each other on-line.  It's something we risk on all forums and in composing every email, no matter what the subject.

Answer 3

I hope that your question motivates others to type kindly, read with gererosity, and respond with civility!

No one can ever criticize good manners.

Answer 4

All communication is flawed. Sometimes it is taken out of how it is suppose to be meant because like it or not some do not want to hear opinions that do not agree with theirs, in person or in writing. I think if everyone would try to keep an open mind alot of this would never occur. People are suppose to be different and have different views on all aspects of life. That is what makes everyone special.

Answer 5

Yeah, but the PAP and AP and adoption bashing comes through loud and clear also.

Answer 6

i agree.  that's why (as i've been often accused of) i tend to use very strong words in my posts, if i wish to convey a strong point.  

for instance, if i feel *ambivelant* about something, my words might read, "i really don't care too much to comment on it."

if, however, i am infuriated about something , such as "all birth mothers who change their minds are scammers" ...

...i then write, "i find it amazing that those who've NEVER placed a child; nor been placed in the position to make that choice feel so d**n justified in believing that some women are simply breeders for the infertiles of the world!"  

i agree, electronic communication is flawed.  yet, i think what it forces us to do is to become better writers so that we can convey our true feelings as accuately as possible.

oh...and i agree that the back-peddling on comments is lame.

Answer 7

Communicating is flawed period. Ever had someone lie to your face? I have. Its easier to lie or be rude if its not face to face. I don't think electronic communicating is flawed, people are. And I'd rather be just a avatar on a screen than people see me in reality. I don't want to brush my hair just to get on the computer (teleconferencing, computer camera).

Answer 8

Yes, that's true

But the Adoptee Bashing comes through loud and clear LOL

Answer 9

Look, if you have a problem with people on here, then ignore them or (me). If thats what your trying to say.

If you have a problem, then dont turn it into a question.

If the others or just me (again) turned our complaints into questions, then we or just me (yet again) would be reported by one of you lot.

You are all in your own little groups on here which I find offensive in itself.

Electronic communication is great by the way. Even better for "trolling" and giving people who make sense the "thumbs down"

Answer 10

Phil,

I do agree with you, and I do try very hard to give people the benefit of the doubt with what they are trying to say because I have been guilty of not sounding "appropriate" at times even though it was not what I meant.

My problem with the category is that there seems to be a lot of irony in that if one group of people categorize adoption in one way, and someone defends an opposite opinion, they are all of a sudden horrible people who don't belong here and aren't allowed an opinion.  Either everyone needs to be held accountable for their actions or no one does.  It can't be one set of standards for one group and another set of standards for others.  

I'll give you an example.  My tagline.  When it was brought to my attention that some people with negative experiences found my use of the word "miracle" insulting, I changed the tagline to read "what we consider to be our miracle of adoption".  In my family's life, we *do* consider it to be *our* miracle.  I don't expect everyone to agree with me but it is my personal opinion about our adoption story.  Yet, even though I have clarified myself umpteen thousand times thru my answers, revising my tagline, and personal emails, I am still attacked in other answers that have nothing to do with my questions.  The snide comments made about APs referring to *miracles* or the ones where infertile women are *fat* and that's why they have to adopt, are very clear in what they say - it's hard to misunderstand those direct insults.  I feel that they are meant to bully people into leaving - or at least that is my perception.

I will continue to try to give people the benefit of the doubt here, as I hope they will do for me.  You are correct, written/typed word is not the best type of communication in conveying thoughts & emotions.  I am as guilty as the next person for typing something that when read a few hours later didn't read "right".  I just wish that the direct insults and rudeness would stop.   People keep telling me not to take it personally, but I guess I do take it personally in an effort to protect my son.  I'm here for him - no more; no less.  : )