Does having a baby in your teens definitely mean your life is over?

Question

I'M 16 AND I KNOW PEOPLE WHO HAD BABIES AND MANY MORE PEOPLE WILL HAVE BABIES. I DON'T THINK YOUR LIFE IS OVER ONCE YOU HAVE A BABY, I THINK IT SHOULD GIVE THAT MUCH MORE MOTIVATIONN TO DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. I UNDERSTAND IT WILL BE MUCH HARDER BUT THATS THE CONSEQUENCES FOR GETTING PREGNANT. I THINK HAVING AN ABORTION IS TAKING THE EASY WAY OUT, UNLESS ITS THE ONLY OPTION FOR HEALTH REASONS... I THINK WHEN TEENS GET PREGNANT THEY LOSE HOPE BECAUSE EVERYONE PUTS THEM DOWN, INSTEAD OF ENCOURAGING THEM TO KEEP THEIR HEADS UP AND DONT GIVE UP!

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS?

SORRY IT SO LONG!

Answer 1

The consensus is: your life is not over.

I was enjoying my life with no responsibility and couldn't wait to get out of my parents house and start my adult life.  Teen parenthood was far from my life equation..plus the rest of my teen cousins (girls and boys) had kids, so it wasn't going to be me.

I went to school with plenty of people who had children who went on to have successful careers and lives...others didn't.  It's all about what you think is best for you and if you are the type of person to go out and get it...children or no children.

Answer 2

I wouldn't say your life is "over" by having a baby, no matter what age you are. But it does change drastically, especially as a teen parent. And unfortunately, most teenagers cannot handle the sacrifices required to raise a child.

I had my first son at 16. Like you, I do not believe in abortion except for medical reasons. I love my son but I really wish I had waited until later in my life to have him. I did not know how to take care of him and I was too selfish to put him first at times.

Perhaps you're right. Maybe we should give teen parents more encouragement. Honestly, though, I don't know how much that would help. Encouragement only goes so far. In the end, people will do what they want.  

Answer 3

Your life is definitely not over once you have a baby if you're motivated enough to do something then you can do it, but it is a lot harder. Even just going to the store or to visit someone becomes a much harder task, because you may be ready to go and then your baby needs to be fed, or you finally get to your destination and then your baby starts getting extremely fussy because they need a nap and they won't nap in your arms or in the stroller because there's too much too look at, so you have to leave and go home.

Answer 4

In the daily life of the average person, we get up, go to work and try to figure out how to get ahead professionally.  We make friends, we build a social life, we try to enjoy life so that we can better appreciate what we've accomplished at work.  There may come a time where we find that we aren't making quite enough money and so we have to do things like get a roommate, go back to school, look for a new job.  I can tell you from experience as a parent, an older parent with a husband, that if I had to be on my own, getting a roommate would not be a reasonable option because I have children, I couldn't (and I can't now) have a social life because I have to add the cost of child care to the cost of going out which is not the cheap proposition it once was as reliable child care providers charge some real money where I live, and as a person who already has quite a bit of college, I don't qualify for financial aid to do more work at the same level, so even though I'm finding that I have to go back to school, I can't afford to do it.  If I could afford to do it, I would still have the complication that I have a job all day and have to get to the gym to keep myself in shape and healthy for my family, and then I have to get to class at night, and when do I ever become the person who meets my child's nurturing needs?  I face all these complications and I'm 41 with a husband in the house.

Positive thinking is crucial, I'll never say differently, and it can be the only way you can find what you need inside to do what you have to do, but all the positive thinking in the world won't change certain things.  I agree that once a girl is pregnant and has decided to keep the child (which I think she'll come to regret -- not the child, but the timing), there's no point in beating her up, but I think the reason people feel the need to drive the point home that she's making a mistake is that they KNOW all of this about the realities of raising children and they want her to seriously revisit the abortion (or at least adoption) question before it's too late.  All you have to do is walk through the streets of my neighborhood and ride subways up here and you'll see what comes of people sequentially having children when they're still children and seeing no need to end the cycle.

Personally, I believe that our 20s are about finding out who we are, experiencing life, building professionally and financially, and I have learned the hard way because of choices I made in my own life that society sets it up that way for a good reason.

So should we beat these girls up? No.  But if we can see and hear that they don't appreciate the gravity of the choice, this is indicator number one that they in fact lack the maturity to do what they're doing.  I know that when I was younger, if anyone had told me that, I would have balked.  I would have been offended, angry and gone off shouting (using all caps like you did in your post which is why you shouldn't do that -- learn to hit the shift keys with your pinkies).  When I look back at myself making arguments about how I'm adult not in need of supervision when I was 15, I want to laugh in my own then-15-year-old face.  That's what maturity gives you -- perspective.

And I would be remiss if I didn' t add that sometimes, the difference between people who make successes of their lives despite having children before they're established and mature enough for it is that some people have families who can and will help and some people don't.  Actually, with or without kids, this is the difference for most of us.

Answer 5

I wouldn't think it would be the end of your life,maybe that young it would be a lot harder,I'm having my first baby at 21 and I myself think i'm still young,but not. I would think it would change your life for the best,definately mature you early on in life.

Answer 6

I had my daughter at 16.  I had never even babysat in my life and here I had one-totally reliant on me alone.  Today is her birthday and she is 24!  I won't even begin to say it was easy but it's not the end of the world.  I graduated HS at the top of my class with a 2 year old.  I graduated college and so did my daughter.  We both have done very well for ourselves.  As a teenager I had NO social life (boys don't want to date moms) and no help from her dad, my family or the government.  I did it ALL by myself.  I had to, there was no one else to do it for me.  I grew up in a small town so I was basically the town scandal for some time and I got kicked off Honor Society even though I had straight A's.  My life came to a screeching halt.  All I did the next 18 years was be that child's mother.  She was my top priority.  I may have sacrificed things for myself in every way but it was so worth the investment.  My daughter never gave me one minutes trouble-even in her teen years and now she is an educated and productive member of society and a definite asset to this world.  Yes, she changed the outcome of my life but it's definitely for the better.  I am who I am today because of her.  She has made me a better person.  You have to be willing to put that child first before ALL other things.  Being a young mom was difficult--even showering was an issue some times when she was an infant.  But, you have to be strong, dedicated, and motivated if you are to provide a decent life for you and your child.  There was no choice but to go to college to be able to provide for us.  I worked 3 jobs until she was 6 and still couldn't make it without college.  It was tough and took me 6 years to get through but we made it.  I married after she graduated HS and while I still have student loans, my daughter has her college degree debt free.  I entered a field where I could provide for us by myself.  Now I'm 40, she's on her own, I have a wonderful husband and fantastic life and pretty much am able to work only when I want to.  I consider this time as my reward.  It is now my turn.  I pushed the pause button for 18 years and now I am resuming!  It was a hard 18 years but so worth the investment.  She is by far my greatest accomplishment!  My only regret is that I was working and going to school until she was 11 so I was pretty stressed and busy (and grumpy at times) during her younger years.  I didn't really get to enjoy her when she was young.  Childhood parenting-it's NOT for everyone.  Again, you have to be strong and driven and willing to put that child above everything else.  But, it CAN be done.

Answer 7

its just beginning really.

Answer 8

It is by far not the end of your life. In actuality, it is the very beginning. You may not have a very extravagant social lifestyle, but that too for a teenager, may not be such a bad thing.  

Answer 9

No, your life isn't over.  It is made much more difficult because the baby's needs have to come before the mother's.  At 16, you are just starting out in life and it's your time to build your life, but if you have a baby, your dreams get put on hold.  Abortion is a horrible alternative.  Not only does it take a life, but it also has life long repurcussions for the mother...something that never gets mentioned in the pro-choice discussions.

So, no, your life isn't over....it's just altered.