Does having two small children ever get better?

Question

I am not sure if it is the root of my problem - but having 2 little ones both under 2 is really getting me down. I used to have a job I loved - so something else to focus on but now I don't. I coped so well after the birth of our first but now the second one is 7 mths I am 'dropping my bundle' psychologically it seems.

My husband and I moved to be closer to family (mostly my family) after the birth of my first and the support there is good, but he is unhappy in his new job and misses old friends (who are now 8 hrs away). He comes home flat most days and I miss his old self. We are both often tired from running after the kids and don't get to talk much. After the kids are in bed he mostly just plays playstation to relax which is fine, but he does it so much these days I feel I barely speak to him and when I do its hard to find something to talk about. But I still feel I love him and he loves me. Its so hard.

If you've ever read any of my other questions you'd know about the first guy I ever slept with and how I have been hurting over that again (basically he was cheating on someone else he was already with and deliberately used the young, silly, naive me for s*x - I don't think she ever knew). I never got so emotionally 'stuck' on it before, ever. But now things feel so bad for me at the moment, and I heard how he is doing well etc - I just feel so hurt and ripped off all over again. I try to get it out of my head but I keep thinking/fantasising that he is happily married, has great friends, lots of money (this I know to be true), happy life with wife and kids etc..............as I said the only thing I know is that he is married and does have mega $$$ - but I keep building it up as if he has the greatest life ever. I guess I was just so shocked to find out about him already being involved at the time and now I am cutting deep again over it because my life is not the way I want at the moment. It seems every day is 'groundhog day' where I just do the same thing all the time.

I am trying to get a part time job to get out a bit. I am so up and down . Do any other Mum's ever feel like this? I want to be told that I am building that other guy up to be something that his life probably isn't - that he is just another guy...........and it all seems so good because when things aren't the way we want in our lives, then 'the grass is always greener'

end of ramble, but pls comment:)

Answer 1

I was stunned as I read your post, because I can relate so much.  I have a 1 year old and I am due with another baby in about a month and a half.  My husband and I are going through a similar patch where he zones out in front of the TV every night in order to numb himself to his work-related stress, and I miss working and making money and feeling good about myself.  Money is very tight for us so we can't do very much, and we're stuck in a small home in a less-than-stellar neightborhood, and that's a huge part of our problems.  In any case, I saw an ex-boyfriend's (my first love) profile on facebook and I also saw his wife's profile. I have been thinking of him so much and I wish I could stop.  They seem so happy and well off, and it's obvious that they travel and do alot together, and I did start wondering if the grass was greener.  In the end I know I have it good because my husband is so sweet and caring, and he's an amazing father, and you never know what troubles other people are going through.  I hope it helps to know that you are not alone in feeling this way. The children will only be young for a very short time, and we might as well make the best of it.  You can return to work in a few years, and meanwhile you can find other ways to feel good about yourself (such as a part time gig or working out or taking an art course or volunteering).  I hope it helps.  

Answer 2

I have 4 small children, ages 5, 4, 2 1/2, & 8 months.  It is tough because they are so young.  I'm not sure better is the right term, but different.  You have different worries for each age.  I would have to suggest to you to base yourself in reality.  Don't expect too much of yourself.  It sounds like you may have a little post partum depression which can last up to 2 years.  It is very common & nothing to be ashamed of.  We expect so much of ourselves & partner.  Starting very young we are read Cinderella, etc that all end in happilly ever after.  NOT.  Not blissfully happy anyways.  It just doesn't happen that way.  I search for things to talk to my husband about sometimes.  He is a truck driver, very boring stuff.  But now we ask each other how our day was & he listens to me & i listen to him.  Even if i just smile & nod he feels like i care.  talk about the kids if he's interested, usually a pretty safe subject.  ask his opinion on something to do w/ the children.  maybe what would he like to do for a reward system for the older one for potty training or helping pick up toys.  try to remember to say thank you when he does something nice.  or it's never too late to say thank you for something he did in the past that was nice.  we are trying to do that for each other & it really does make a difference.  Life can be rough at times.  You have ups & downs & that is normal.  If your lucky you have more ups than downs.  try to remember & be thankful for what you have instead of miss the things you don't.  and the grass is NEVER greener.  if you were meant to be w/ that guy you would be, so get over it & focus on your reality of the family you have now.  

Answer 3

hey.. u know what...life is never fair..u made me realize today i am not the only one who at times feel all alone and sad.. i had an excellent career with lots of money and a bright future.  i fell in love and got married..and left everything..i was working in a foreign country and moved to canada where my hubby worked. i got pregnant within 3 months and had my son within one year of moving to canada. my life went upside down. it is still not normal. my husband has a great job and good career yet he works soo much (almost 6 days a week) that sometimes i hardly see him. im pregnant with my baby number 2 and that i decided i wanted to do..my son is now 20 months old. im 3 months right now. its been 3 years in canada and i dont have a life here. the only thing im doing is raising my son and cooking cleaning.. ive been misrable. how much??????? u dont want to know.. my job's experince is not accepted here. so i dont work in the field i was in love with. recently ive been in such h**l mentally that my hubby decided it was time for me to do something. he said that he will finance and i can go back to college and get a degree and start teaching...which i love.. thats when i decided i want to have another child. the reason being im only 26 right now and i will be done with having kids and raising them within 3 years. i can go back to school.get a degree and who knows might have an excellent career by 35.. u know life never works the way u want it to be.. it gives u surprises and shocks. my sister recently got married to a filthy rich guy and i am very happy for her but she will not leaving all that i left to marry my hubby..she will be staying the same place and with same friends..(my sister is not in canada).. i feel so sad coz i left all my friends and my family is 18 hours away by air from me. i dont have any help raising my son. its been almost 2 years and i have not set my foot in a spa, massage center or cinema.. its life dear.. if ur gonna cry about it then the little good things will pass by you and u wont notice them. i live to see my son smile at me and hug me and kiss me. and u know it has been keep me going... i really hope life works for you..just be brave. things will be ok.though it will take time.