Does home schooling 'mess' children up?

Question

I'm writing an essay into home schooling, the advantages and disadvantages and the effects it has on the child or even the family.

Have you been home schooled ever, in your life? Has a sibling in your family ever been home schooled, what's your opinion on that? Are you a parent who teachers your child?

I'd really like help on this. Does home schooling prevent children from the social experiences they usually would learn in a playground or a classroom? Such as dealing with bullies, making friends, ect?

I'm basically stabbing in the dark here, so I'd really appreciate some help!

Thanks :)

(I've never been home schooled or met anyone who is being taught at home."

Answer 1

Homeschooling can mess up children because when I was 15 I was homeschooled and my parents never let me out or do anything so I ended up running away for 6 months. I have no problem with socializing, or making friends. Bullies I can handle cause we can just fight that out. My dad taught me.

Answer 2

People can be 'messed up' anywhere.  I've met a few in the public schools and on different jobs that that I've had since adulthood.

   I am a parent that teaches my son at home  and I am a classified employee of the public school system.  

Home schooling should offer more social advantages because contacts are not limited to children of the same age.

Social contact is so limited in the school system.   The schedule in the school day just does not allow time for people to have conversations on meaningful or idle subjects.

The adult world has very  few bullies.   Dealing with a 7 year old bully, a 17 year old bully, or a 27 year old bully  would not be the same experience.    I wouldn't think that if I came up against a 27 year old bully that I could use the skills I gained in elementary school and high school to resolve the problem.  It would be a totally different arena with different rules and requiring different tactics.

No.  Homeschooling does not 'mess' children up.

Answer 3

As a homeschool mom for 5 years, a public school teacher's kid, and a private teacher of several classes for homeschooled kids, I can tell you with all certainty - no, homeschooling (in and of itself) does not mess children up.

Bad parenting messes children up, childhood traumas mess children up, and sometimes those things happen to homeschooled kids - the same way they sometimes happen to public and private schooled kids - but a method of schooling, in and of itself, does not mess children up.

Homeschooling, in its truest form, means that a parent takes full responsibility for a child's education and tailors the education to the child.  They have the ability to pick curriculum that fits their child the best, to allow their child to choose from a wide variety of extracurricular and community-based activities, to allow their child to learn to socialize in actual society, and to give their child a chance to grow up at their own pace, rather than the pace set by their agemates.  How could that possibly mess a child up?

If you add a huge lack of parenting skills into the mix, of course the child stands a stronger chance of growing up dysfunctionally - but the same would be true in a classroom.  If you add abuse, neglect, or trauma into the mix, of course that is going to affect a child, no matter where they attend school.  If you don't allow your child to be around other people, of course their social skills will suffer...but these things are not common in homeschooling.  They happen - just as they do with classroom schooled kids - but they are not common.

I live in a city that has a huge homeschooling communities - well over a thousand families with several thousand kids between them.  I personally teach several dozen of those kids, and I only know of a couple that anyone could look at and think that they've got "issues".  However, I can't even take my 6th grader to the McDonald's near the high school (in a conservative, Bible Belt midwestern city) because half the kids there look and act like they're in the middle of gang initiation.  I'd say they've got worse issues, quite frankly, than a 7yo who's shy. :)

I've been homeschooling my son for the last five years, and while I'm far from perfect, I am very committed to his education.  I've seen him go from a child who was scared to learn outside a classroom ("You can *do* that??") to a child who is confident, social, and extremely motivated.  He's also very service and civic minded and is learning to deal with people of all different backgrounds.  Additionally, because he doesn't have to be around all the diseases and illnesses that go through a large school (or the stress, for that matter), his pediatrician has credited homeschooling with keeping him a lot healthier than many kids his age.  At 10, he knows how to schedule his time to get his subject work done, how to plan for extra goals, how to hold down a monthly job for a local business owner (delivering flyers to local neighborhoods), and how to work in extracurriculars.  I credit homeschooling with bringing him where he is today.

Hope that helps!

Answer 4

I was homeschooled K-12, my brother was homeschooled K-9 and then attended private school, and my sister has been homeschooling since kindergarden and is now in 8th grade.  I  don't think homeschooling is great, I know it's great!  I know because it allowed me to get into the college I wanted to get into, it allowed me to be in numerous activities (more than I could have been in had I gone to school), and it allowed me to start college classes during high school.  My brother has trouble staying motivated and my parents were at their wits end trying to figure out how to keep him focused.  He came to them and asked if he could go to school and they sent him the next semester.  I think it helped that he had other adults giving him deadlines and not his mom.  

I'm not a parent, but when I am my husband and I will homeschool our kids until they are old enough to make an educated decision about their school.

I have honestly never had to deal with a bully which is fine with me because no one should have to learn to deal with bullies.  Think about how ridiculous that is.  Why would you want your child to learn to deal with bullies?  It would not benefit them later in life because any from of bullying in the adult word is harassment and is dealt with by the law.  So any 'skills' learned on the playground would be completely useless.  

Most all of my friends were homeschooled and I bet the majority of us had more 'social experiences' than the average public schooler.  I was involved in dance classes, two quartets, another string group, orchestra, choir, volunteer work, my job, church, political campaigns, sports, study groups, friends in my neighborhood, and people I met through running my own business.  Pretty much every one of those activities involved a different set of friends.  If I had gone to school I would have only had time for my job and church and choir/orchestra/sports would have been through school so no new socialization there.  Kids who go to public school are limited to making friends with the kids in their classes and clubs.  There is not much room for making friends outside of those areas.

Answer 5

The biggest deficit I've noticed when home schooled students come to a public school is that they have little to no social skills.  When you aren't around others your age, you have no idea how you're supposed to interact.  They are usually very lonely and have no idea how to make friends.  It's sad.

Answer 6

My best friend and fiancee were homeschooled, but I went to public school. I would say roughly 3/4 of kids I went to church with (in kansas) were homeschooled.

Because Wichita has such a large homeschool population, there are lots of sports teams-- pretty much anything you can think of-- that played against church school teams, so there are plently of opportunities to interact with kids your own age, even if you don't attend a church.

I don't think homeschoolers are "socially retarded" or anything, it's all about the parents and the opportunities they give them. They can either give their kids the opportunity to hang out with other kids or they can keep them trapped inside the house, but really, isn't it the same with public school children as well?

I do think that my best friend especially, can be a little nieve.

My fiancee could tell you all about bullies! Just because it's a church doesn't mean there aren't bratty kids. He has ADHD and he used to tell me about when he was a kid and the older kids would get so annoyed with him they'd lock him in a closet or stick him in a trash can.

My best friend does have trouble making new friends-- she's not really an extrovert, which to be honest, I think does have something to do with being homeschooled. She just has a little bit of social anxiety. I think this could be the same as living in a small town and moving to a big city though-- she had the same friends throughout her whole life and then she got married and moved to Kansas City, she's been there for about 6 months and hasn't made any friends yet.

The effect on the family-- my best friends family are all homeschooled, she has three younger brothers. Her two younger brothers desperately want to go to public school, but her oldest brother just graduated and seems indifferent. I think her younger brothers are just a little more outgoing and want to spend all day with their friends. Plus, their mom is really strict and I think they are under the impression they will get off easier at school ;)

My fiancee has an older sister and a younger brother, raised in a strict christian family and they both have rebelled pretty badly. I think this has less to do with being homeschooled and more to do with being pressured to be good and cracking, BUT the downside is that their mom feels it is entirely her fault because she raised them by herself-- she doesn't have anyone else to blame it on but her since she was with them all day, every day.

Hope I helped! :)

edit// since this is for a paper, I figure I'll throw some more info in here!

I think homeschooling is also wayyy beneficial for people with disabilities-- like I mentioned before, my fiancee has ADHD. My brother does as well, but the difference is-- the school told my mom my brother needed to be on medication for him to be in normal classes. Homeschooling was not an option because she was a single mom, so he was on lots of different medications all throughout his childhood (one almost killed him) and he eventually dropped out of high school, because he had really low self esteem and kids made fun of him. My fiancee on the other hand, graduated high school and went on to technical school, graduated and now is a United States Marine. His Mom MADE him do the work-- she tells stories about belting him to the chair to make him sit and not get up! A one-on-one education like that is really beneficial in those situations.

Also, another girl from my church is partially deaf, and her whole family (all deaf) are homeschooled.

//sorry I keep making this longer!

One thing I can think of that can be a pro or con-- I KNOW a lot more people than they do. It may just be me; I went to a public school, attended one college for a year and now attend another, did volunteer work around town, and then I worked at a bank-- so every time I go into Wichita I ALWAYS run into someone I know. They just don't have as many "connections", which I find are really helpful for finding jobs, etc. Also, I can put things on job applications they can't, mostly officiar positions held in clubs and whatnot, but again, that could be different from regular public school kids too.

Also, they got to pick and choose what they were exposed to. I was exposed to pot and alcohol AT school at a young age-- the first week of middle school if I remember correctly! They decided if they wanted to go to parties or not. My best friend wasn't exposed to any alcohol until her late teens, and then not in a party setting, but in a formal setting where no one was drinking to get drunk. My fiancee decided to take the opposite route and starting smoking pot when he was around 16-- he stopped and doesn't really even drink now either, it was more of a teenage thing he's grown out of.

So you aren't really exposed to the same forms of peer pressure, which is a good thing in my opinion.

Answer 7

Have you been home schooled ever, in your life?

I've only just started being home schooled, and I'm in year 10.

Has a sibling in your family ever been home schooled, what's your opinion on that?

All my brothers and sisters have been home schooled, and they are doing quite well for themselves, my brother owns a successful company, my sister now gets A+s at school, And my brother is working towards being an architect. I find people who are home schooled get more out of life, than public and private schoolers.

No. It's the home schoolers choice if you want to be anti social, I go to church, youth groups, dance lessons, I'm going to start playing soccer again, and there is all sorts out there. There are even home schooling groups where you can meet some home schoolers, most are Christian clubs though

Answer 8

I homeschool my 11 yr old son because the public schools here in Kansas have told me 3 times, "dyslexia dosnt exists"! My husband has it really bad, as does our son.

Plus, hes on a feeding pump every 3 hours, the school here said they handle that, but ONLY if I  came up to hook him up, & stay with him. At that time I was working, but when they told me that c**p, I told my husband we might aswell homeschool him.

We cant go up there every 3 hours to hook him up, & I bet we would do a much better job then the teachers they have here. Not 1 teacher here we have noticed has a l**k of common sence at all!

what really peed me off, was when the teacher told me hes snowing you over, he can read.  We had him tested for dyslexia & when the consulor told us he is most deffentatly dyslexic, I told the teachers where to go, my son was in 3rd grade, & even with us working our butts off at home reading with him, he still couldnt read past Cat & The Hat!

My son is more socaible then both my husband & I.  He has a high IQ too.

I even let him pick out his work for homeschooling. He's the 1 learning about it, I figure let him chose what texts he wants to learn from.

I will say though when we 1st started homeschooling, I was against any religon in the studies, now I love it, because my son is asking us questions about God.

I didnt think he would really understand the concept of God. Now, Im happy he even asks, it lets me know to further his education,  & that how well hes growing up.

Some say homeschooling is bad, but its all about the child, & what there happy with.

While it maybe good for some students, it may not be for other students.

I went to public school & it was NOT a good thing either!  I shouldve been homeschooled, & my family knew it too, but told me when I did graduate, that they didnt want me at home! That was the only reason I got!

If your children talk to you about homeschooling, listen to them, they are our future!  

Some parents just say no & dont want to hassle with it, I feel because there lazy, & they even know & feel in their hearts that the public & private schooling is a bad deal!

Theres people on here that I can name that are there to tell you to follow there word ONLY, dont listen to them (ie teachershelper), just because they work in the school dosnt mean they know  a thing about real teaching.

I know in my heart Im doing the right thing, & people like who I mentioned earlier cant do 1 thing about it. She needs to just keep her mouth shut! Thats why her name is teachers "helper" shes only a helper, not a real teacher & probably will never be 1!

Answer 9

I was homeschooled for high school, and I turned out just fine.  I hope to homeschool all 4 of my kids. I've been homeschooling my oldest for 8 years, and he's a great, well-adjusted kid. He has numerous opportunities to socialize with friends, family, neighbors, etc.

Answer 10

I am just beginning homeschooling and have wanted to do it for several years now.  I know many families who have for better and worse chosen to homeschool.  IMO the only way homeschooling messes up a child is if (1) the parent fails to provide education and (2) the parent fails to provide socialization.  The "horror" stories we hear about those parents, who for one reason or another feel the need to isolate themselves from the world and all education become the work of the enemy, are the exception and not the rule.  When in a homeschool environment there is a steady flow of education and socialization; creative, vibrant, happy, intelligent products of society are created.

Answer 11

I haven't, but in a way both home schooling and public school can either help/s***w a kid over. It isn't always bad if the child has a place to go to so they can meet other kids. It's not like they're being confined in school. Plus with home schooling, there's focus on one child or at least a few children so they get more attention and educational help. But with public schooling, they can bring friends together and create a social environment, including school clubs. I'm sure a child home schooled will be fine as long as they have a way to meet other kids and hang out like a normal, public school kid.

Answer 12

I've been home schooled all my life except for middle school and  half of 9th grade.

I think in some ways it is a better way to get through school. There are less distractions, less driving children to and fro, more one on one time with the parent as the teacher.

There is less pressure  in not having due dates, forgetting your lunch, homework, or project, etc. It helps the child to work at his or her own pace, which is sometimes the key in helping a kid to learn. When I was in school, you had one day to learn a certain material, and then you had to automatically move to the next material the next class, which doesn't give much of a chance to review anything you might have missed in the last lesson. Some key points might have been forgotten in the time between the stresses of the day, whereas in homeschooling there is not so much of a rush.

I think I learned more in home school knowing that the teacher wasn't going to scream at me if I forgot something and asked for help.

Answer 13

I've known families who homeschool and have a relative who recently started sending her children to public school after 4 years of homeschooling.  The children have blossomed since starting school.  They were in a position where they wouldn't even play on a playground with other children because they didn't know them....  That had everything to do with their lifestyle.  Also, the children are behind academically and are receiving help through tutors and summer school to catch them up to grade level.  They are catching up, which is a good thing.  The main reason they fell behind was because they had a lot of time during their day that should have been devoted to academics and school work, but instead they were working at the family business and having "free time".  My neighbor homeschools her son and he is 17 and behaves like he is 12 (if not younger).  I have seen him stomp his feet and have a tantrum because he was told to pick up his room.  Just to let you know, I talk to the family often and the boy does not have any mental handicaps or disabilities.  It is just that he is so sheltered, babied and doesn't have any social outlets that he doesn't know what behavior is appropriate.  I personally don't think that it is a horrible thing to homeschool your child as long as you are going to provide them with organizations and outlets for socialization.  Education is more than academics and it is more than socialization, it is an entirity.  Just to point out I am not an anti-homeschooler, I just think that some families are more successful at it than others.  If you post this question in other areas of YA, like teaching, primary/secondary education, you'll get so many points of view.

Answer 14

It isn't the "homeschooling" that messes up the child, but rather the way parents treat their children and the Public school system.

People have to deal with bullies and making friends in everyday life whether or not they go to school. This is all a part of living. Now if you are locked away in the house and never go outside then yes that would affect you and how you interact with other people. This is a given. That is not what "homeschooling" is all about though locking some kid up so they can never have friends, meet people, etc.

We teach our Daughter at home. Why? Because I worked in the school system- both Private and Public and neither one of them is something that I want for our Daughter.

There are plenty of schools that are great out there. Just not in my neck of the woods here in California. we have one of the worse school systems in the States.

Answer 15

I am a homeschooling parent.

The only disadvantage I see is dealing with people that believe the perpetual myths surrounding homeschooling, i.e. socialization.

My children have the opportunity to socialize with a wide variety of people-those younger, their own age, older.  This is what I call "real world" socialization-because nowhere other than a school setting are children forced to socialize with 29 or so other children that were born the same year they were and that live in roughly the same neighborhood.

They also learn real life skills.  For instance, bullying is not tolerated.  Unfortunately, it still happens on occasion (because they DO socialize), but not to the extent it exists in school.  Bullying is not tolerated in the "real world" and should not be something they are taught is a part of life.  

My children participate in baseball (most of the children attend public and private school, though several are homeschooled), Scouts (all of those children are public schooled), and various other activities.  We visit the playground, where my children easily socialize with others and handle themselves in an appropriate manner, not what they are taught is normal at school.  Yes, they do miss out on some of those social experiences, but it is the ones I want them to miss out on-bullying, drugs, alcohol, s*x...you get hte picture.  

We do not expect for our children's classmates to teach them math, so why do we expect their classmates to teach them to socialize?  The other children are still learning both themselves-they need to be taught the proper way to do math and socialize, not left to fend for themselves.

There are homeschooled children that have some problems, but I think that often they are homeschooled BECAUSE of those problems, rather than the problems being caused by homeschooling.  Also, there are "messed up" children in public school.  An alarming number of them (I have volunteered and substitute taught in public school, not to mention the years I spent there myself as a student).

I hope this helps!