Does it bother you if your parents don't approve of your boyfriend?

Question

okay so ive been dating this guy for a couple months now. the only problem is that my parents don't know about it. he is such a great guy and makes me so happy. but he made some mistakes in his past, that my parents can't seem to look over, like i can. the thing is that i have always been really close to my parents and not having their approval is killing me. i cant seem to make them understand that i am an adult and can make my own decisions, b/c they still see me as "their little girl." i don't know what to do- i want to keep seeing him- im just not sure what will happen later on when my parents find out.

Answer 1

Yeah...but if u love him ur parents need to find a way to try to get to know him better and if they can't accept him then, oh well, ur the one that's dating him.

Answer 2

let ur parents noe that u have a bf gently n tell them that ur not their little girl anymore n that u can make ur own decisions, but u r always careful about it, n that u wont make mistakes at all.  tell them that u will always be extra careful n cautious, but u should watch out, cause guys tend to do some "stuff", n let ur parents meet him one day....but make sure ur parents are "okay" with him

Answer 3

Well, one thing I've learned in life is secrets will always come back to haunt you.  I understand you're in conflict over this, and it sounds like it's taking a serious emotional and mental toll on you :(.

First of all, it depends on the seriousness of the mistakes in his past.  It's a little hard to give advice without knowing that, but I'll try my best. :)

I had a lot of boyfriends when I was growing up, and my parents didn't like some of them for various reasons.  The ironic thing: they were right.  About all of them.  I couldn't see it at the time, but in retrospect, they really did know best what was right for me and WHO was right for me.  It's hard to admit even now, but they had better judgment than I did.

That being said, I am now happily married and my husband is wonderful.  My parents love him, and his parents love me.  I cannot even begin to tell you how much EASIER this makes things.  When everyone is on the same page, it's like a great weight has been lifted. I can't even imagine if I would have married one of the boyfriends they hated...my life would be so hard.

So my advice is this: carefully consider WHY your parents feel the way they do and try to see it from their viewpoint.  To be perfectly honest--and it's taken me some time to realize this,, I'm now 32--it is h**l to have conflict with your parents over a guy and is rarely worth it.  No matter how much you like this guy, is it seriously worth being forced farther away from the parents you love and are so close to?

You will have to weigh the costs/ benefits for yourself (I know that sounds harsh, but it is true).  Your relationship seems to be pushing you away from your parents, whom you seem to love very much, and I can tell how much it is hurting you just from the tone of your e-mail.

Honestly--is this guy worth losing your parents over?  Because that's what could happen if they found out.  Hopefully they could be more open-minded about it,, but it sounds like you've already discussed it and they said NO.  If/WHEN they find out you have gone against their wishes, they will be very hurt and it may damage your relationship with them severely, if not permanently.

I just think you really need to do some serious thinking and decide what your priorities are.  Now I'm not saying that parents aren't sometimes wrong, because they are human and make mistakes.  But aren't you tired of sneaking around?  Doesn't it feel horrible?

I ask these questions because I've been there/ done that....and in the end I chose my parents.  And it's been one of the best decisions I ever made.  I wouldn't have my life I love now, and I wouldn't have the wonderful relationship I love with my parents now, either, if I had continued down the wrong track.

I urge you to think about all these things...make a list of pros and cons if necessary...and see what you come up with.  You may be an adult, but sometimes parents are still right even then :).

I wish you the best of luck...feel free to e-mail me if you need to chat or vent.

Take Care,

JB

Answer 4

parents are often right when it comes to boyfriends...trust em...

Answer 5

No my parents LOVE my boyfriend :)

Answer 6

It's going to be better to tell them before you get caught and it will get the guilt off your chest.

But I wouldn't just flat out say it. I don't know try to soften them up and slowly tell tell them...there isn't really another way around it.

Answer 7

Im not even aloud to date

Ive kept my bf a secret for over 2 months =]

But my dad would love him if he meet him.

but i am going to have to wait till i can date to do that.

Im sorry about ur parents...

But they love you and only want whats best for you and if they see that this guy is making you very happy then they wil only have one choice but to let it go...dont break it off with this guy because of ur parents...u could miss out on something truly amazing =]

Good Luck!!!

I wish u all the best =]

Answer 8

okay. if your parents are compromisin, then u in luck. tell them that  hey treat me like an adult. i see who i think is rite 4 me. but along with power comes responsibility. they may make u pay for half da rent, or make u do adult work until u give in.

if u r close to ya man, den basically think of the future. will u marry him, kids with him, your life with him. if not then u gotta hold off not too long.

if u r close to ya parents,  then ya gotta say who is gonna be there forever and who brought ya on this earth to even love ya man.

i aint no counselor, but ****... lmao  

Answer 9

eh, let your parents warm up to himor somthin, you know?

your parents shouldn't be affecting your relaationship with him....

Answer 10

  Honesty is better when it comes to almost all things and sometimes the courage to be honest about things can be hard to come up with.

  The thing about making decisions as a young adult is that you can make mistakes and then you can foul up your future.  This can cause a family to fall apart.

   You should consider that if you have assessed this guy's past as something he has grown from then, you should allow your family the chance to see that too. Instead of condemning your chance with him right off. If they find out, then they may see a lack of confidence in him as your reason for not being honest.

Parents are not your enemy, just sometimes they are just trying to prevent you from becoming their enemy and yet still tell you their honest opinion. Not always an easy task.

  If someone is old enough to feel pretty sure they are doing the right thing, then they should be truthful. Tell them but, do not seek their approval on this, just be sure to listen to what they have to say as an opinion and consider it. You can still benefit from their wisdom. Otherwise your actions may keep you as their little girl instead of a young adult. It looks like your heading in the right direction.