Does it bother you when parents make the older children help with the youngers ones?

Question

Occasional help is great. But I see some parents just making the older kids do a lot of the work. I feel so bad because I feel like they are losing a little bit of their childhood. I asked a friend who does this and she told me that her son was supposed to because those are his siblings. To avoid an arguement I just left it, but I thought it to be excessive.

What do you think?

Answer 1

I think having children help out (a reasonable amount) with siblings is a great way for older children to learn responsibility and to gain experiences needed for life.

That being said...the other day I saw an episode of Super Nanny where the parents went to work all day and their 2 oldest girls had to be home schooled and watch their little brothers all day.  Kids should be kids, not parents.  NEVER expect a child to do your job for you.  But, asking a teen aged child to babysit a younger sibling once in a while is fine...same with asking a toddler to grab the wipes or a diaper for you when you change the baby.

Answer 2

no no no it;s not just about have to .. this way builds a great relation between them and the oldre gets a lot of self estim by this and the youngest learn to respect others really really a great way you have to try it and see the great benefits on each of the children to know .  

Answer 3

Yes, I agree.  I have four children and it amazes me how many people asked me when they were younger if the older child helped me.  I guess they were just trying to figure out how I managed everything on my own, but I would never have considered asking my oldest to do any of the parenting responsibilities.  It just doesn't make any sense to me.

Answer 4

i am 17 my parents got their grand kids (my nephews) jan. 2006 i have been made change diapers feed them watch them if the are bad it's all my fault i do dishes laundry feed and water animals clean the house i discipline the kids if we go in public i have to hold them they are heavy 30 and 39 pounds they scream hit kick cry whine they are ADHD kids  

Answer 5

i know one mother who treats her twelve year old as a live in nanny

it is very sad to see, they are losing some childhood

i myself helped A LOT with my younger brothers, but i love children, am 17 now and babysit non stop, so i really enjoyed it and would have done it out of choice anyway. i also feel like i am much closer to them now because of it

but that's me, not everyone, all people don't like kids, i wouldn't like to be one of those people and still have to help out

Answer 6

I think it teaches the children responsibility and every family member should make a contribution to the good of the family. My 15 year old son likes hanging out with his five year old brother and since being autistic (high functioning) he'd often rather stay home than go places with us, he doesn't mind at all keeping an eye on his younger brother. He's even said so.

We don't leave him home all the time, often we take him with us, but when he's messy or tired it is really great to not have to take him.

When I go back to work full time, my older kids will be watching their brother after school. My older son is not interested in school activities anyway and he and his sister will have cell phones so they can make sure one of them will be on the bus with the youngest after school.

By the time they get home it will only be for an hour. I won't pay for daycare for an hour. That's crazy.

I guess we're a close family and our kids have fun together in spite of the age difference.

I feel it gives kids independence and helps them actually contribute to family life instead of being self-absorbed all the time. The big kids get their time to themselves and with their friends.

I have a very self-reliant 5 year old though. He can get himself a snack, load and unload the dishwasher, and set the table. He's almost ready to stay by himself (and I did sometimes at his age) though I wouldn't do that on purpose yet.

We live in a very small town. I don't know that the town has a specific law on how young they can me.  Our three kids are at three different schools in a nearby town and if my high school son has something to do after school, the bus from the elementary will take the youngest to the middle school and in a pinch, he can watch my daughter's volleyball practice or whatever until we come to the middle school to get them.

Anyway, I don't expect them to parent my child, but by minding him an hour or two here and there, they will see the rewards monetarily when we can give them higher allowances and do more things as a family.

Answer 7

an occasional helping hand i don't mind, but when the older child is made responsible for the younger ones it's wrong. they are meant to be kids themselves, not a parent. i know of a woman who has 6 kids aging from 12mths to 13yrs & the 13yr old is totally responsible for all her younger siblings, she even got flogged one time because when she went to the toilet the toddler got out on the road, 13 yr old should of been at school (but rarely goes coz mum keeps her at home to look after kids) not babysitting!

Answer 8

i think the older are for advice...to teach.....to support...to be the 1st

friend...this should be the priority This is not to say the older can help

out w/siblings.Only help...do not take the entire responsibility.

Answer 9

well, I am babysitting my sister right now lol, she is almost 2 years old and I am 15 years old, infact I have babysat her almost every day for a year. My parents say the same thing as your friend. and it sort of annoys me that just because I am old my parents make me babysit her. I wish my parents were like you sometimes.

Anyways, my parents will have to send her to daycare if I dont take care of her, but she kept on getting sick with diharea from there so that is why I started babysitting her.

But a lot of it is cultural values, I am from india and my parents always used to take care of their younger syblings, and since I am a boy my parents think that since I am able to take care of her why should they send her to daycare.

I dont really mind taking care of my sister  that much though. My mom said that she will help me when she gets older with things like cooking and she will help around the house like my mom does. So I guess that it has its benefits also, I guess that my sister will respect me more when she gets older since I did so much for her, so that is why I dont mind it.

But I totally agree with you on the childhood loss part, I have not been able to be a kid ever since my sister was born. And when she will get old enough I will probably have too much school work to do. So I feel really sad sometimes now that I was not able to do the things that i did before my sister was born

Answer 10

Personal experience:

I helped a LOT with my little brother. He was born when I was 10. He was a preemie and my mom had a rough c-section, so the whole family (4 kids, 10, 11, 11, 15) chipped in to help.

I continued to help my mom out even when she was well, and yeah, sometimes I felt taken advantage of, but at the same time, in retrospect, I don't think I missed my childhood at all!

And I am definitely more prepared for raising my own lil baby.

That's what families are for - to help each other out.

:)

Answer 11

yes, it does.  Children should be allowed to be children, not parents.

Answer 12

Thats called child labor!

Answer 13

It bothers me when it goes to the extent that the kids are acting in the parents place. Your friend has a point that it's a perfect way to teach the child responsibilty and the ability to settle conflict but when that conflict resolution isn't supervised, it can go nasty. They need to learn the proper way. Someone I know has children 6 years apart and the older one chooses the younger ones clothes and packs her lunch for school but ultimately the parent is the parent and that's as it should be.