Does it bug u when other moms correct ur parenting??

Question

I have a friend who is CONSTANTLY telling me that I should do this or that instead of this or that.

example: i give my daughter diluted apple juice or those little 4 pack of juices from gerber and she will say "You should just buy sugar free juices. its cheaper. it what my son drinks."

things like that. i hate it when i get corrected on how i should raise my child. i know whats good for her and what she likes.

Do u have the same problem with friends/ family????

Answer 1

I agree with you. one of your answers said they like getting ideas and that's fine. Two friends discussing things that may or may not help you is different than someone telling you "you SHOULD give him this or that"

many times they mean well and dont realize what they are doing but you may have to get firm to get your point across.

Answer 2

I have to ask, where on earth is your friend buying sugar free juice?  Fruit has it's own natural sugars, so fruit juice cannot be completely sugar free.  

My in laws sometimes will impart some judgment, but it's nothing I can't handle.  Our usual line is "thanks for your opinion, but this is the way we've decided to do things".

Answer 3

My gma does this to me ALL the time.  She calls me 5x's a day (no joke and if I dont answer all 5 times she thinks I got killed).  She tell me that when shes around I have to follow her rules when it comes to MY daughter.  She tells me that my daughter will have ADD or ADHD because Im feeding her normal food and not all organic food.  I get told that I need to be smarter then the baby.  Im going to kill my daughter because I let her eat "human" foods like mellon and things like that (she's on my lap and the fruit stays in my hand at all times).  She calls to make sure I gave her tummy time.  She told me that I was stupid if I let her go into my parents pool this summer because she'll die.  If my daughter gets allergies or sick I dont tell my gma cause she'll turn it into something band like shes sick with cancer (no joke).  Then the biggest thing is she gets mad at me when I go out to the store alone and leave my daughter with my husband.  She thinks my daughter needs to be with me 24/7 that I cant leave her for one min.  She also hates the fact that my daughter hates to be held and cuddled.  And she hates to be rocked to sleep, my gma thinks its because I did not hold her enough when she was born.  And she said that she hopes theres nothing wrong with my daughter because she's behind for what she should be doing.  My gma thinks that she should of started to crawl at 4 months cause all babies do, and there might be something wrong because my daughter is 6.5 months old and just started to crawl.... And the list goes on.....

Answer 4

YES!!! MY MOTHER-IN-LAW KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT MY BABY, EVEN THOUGH SHE ONLY SEES HER ABOUT 1 TIME EVERY 6 WEEKS. ACCORDING TO MY HUBBY'S MOM I AM DOING EVERTHING WRONG. IT IS A WONDER MY LIL GIRL HAS SURVIVED THESE 15 MONTHS.

Answer 5

i have people who try to tell me what to do and they dont have kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

especially my mother-in-law

since she has older grandkids

she thinks i dont know nothing

she washed and dryed my sons clothes without me knowing

i dont dry my sons clothes i hang-dry them so they wont shrink

im pregnant and she tells me what to do and not to do

its so annoying

i just tell my husband he tells her to stay quiet

(she's very mexican tradition and im not)

so thats why she tells me im doing everything wrong

your a mom

and you know best for your child

Answer 6

I have a sister in law and a mother in law like that and really, it used to bother me to no end and I would dread being around them. But then one day, I just decided I wasn't going to let them bother me anymore. And so now, when they make some comment, I just completely ignore them as if they are not even speaking. Sometimes, they will repeat themselves and again, I just act like I don't hear them. It just makes them look silly. I think they are finally getting the hint.

Answer 7

No because when other moms pipe up I either tell them why I do it that way or take their suggestion into consideration.  Most moms are just trying to be helpful or nice but it can easily be perceived as judgemental...especially for first time mommies.  Just be strong in yourself and brush it off...unless it is worth losing the friendship over.

Now if friends or family are butting in WHILE your are parenting and questioning your judgement in front of your child that is a whole other issue.  That ticks me off to no end.  I usually ask these folks to let me parent first then talk to them second.  It is hard enough to be a mom, but having a back-seat-mom makes it all that much harder!

Good luck!

Answer 8

Yes it is so aggravating.I just got to the point to where I just told people if they were rude about it.If they are just giving advice,that is fine.It doesn't bother me.But to tell me what to do with my child-you are way outta line and I will tell you to myob..:)

Answer 9

Yes Ma'am. It irritates me to no end. For example: My pet peeve is when you are at a birthday party and kids are digging through the birthday boy/girl's presents while they are trying to open them. So I will keep my daughter in my lap while the child opens their presents. Once they are done.. then I let her down. Well.. my mother proceeded to "correct" me at the last party we went to when I told my daughter she had to sit down until the birthday boy finished opening his presents. Needless to say.. I informed her IN FRONT OF EVERYONE that she has raised her children.. now let me raise mine. When I tell my daughter to do something.. I expect her to do it and I do not expect to be corrected by MY mother. I got my point across.. but it took me doing it in front of other people to get her attention.

Don't put up with it. They will continue to do it until you stand your ground. It's not about "being rude".. it's about letting them know that you appreciate their opinion but you did not ask for their input.

Answer 10

I have some people like that but I never looked at it as they were correcting my parenting - I took it that they were just trying to be helpful and share things they have found works well - I appreciate it, if I disagree I just disregard it.

Answer 11

I'm sure your friend is just trying to be helpful, but nobody likes being told they *should* do anything.

My friends and family give me all sorts of unsolicited advice -- some of it great, some of it not-so-great. But what makes me want to listen to them is that they ask, they don't tell. So it's, like, "Have you tried the sugar-free juice? You get tons more for the same price!" And then, I'm, like, "Gosh, and if I put it in a sippy cup, I wouldn't be wasting all these little boxes. Good idea!"

So ... Have you tried gently telling your friend how you feel? Something along the lines of, "I know you're just trying to help, but I wind up feeling like you're telling me what to do"?

Answer 12

Actually, I am the one always telling my sister stuff like that. She has a baby boy that is 2 weeks younger than my son, and I tell her all the time, you should do this or that. She usually listens to me and either says ok or no. She also tells me about stuff she has tried with her baby to see if I want to do it with mine. I don't mind. I like getting new ideas and hearing things I might not have though of myself.

Answer 13

Yes, it bothers me a lot.  

I often feel like telling them where they can stick their "advice", but I've been pretty good at biting my tongue thus far.  

For example:

A friend told me we should not adopt a little boy because if he finds out he's adopted he might sleep with his sisters when he gets older.

I was seriously pissed when I heard her say that.  It annoys me so much when people have the audacity to make remarks like that.

Answer 14

When my daughter was younger everyone would tell me what to do.

what to feed her, how to get her to go to sleep, who to do this and that.

I listened to no one but my own instincts.

I would never tell anyone how to parent their child. I may not agree but I would  never say it.

I was never strict with my daughter...I mean like you can never have candy or you can't stay up late one night..and she is toatlly fine!~

Answer 15

Yes.  I have both friends and family that are constantly telling me I should be doing things different.  I listen to what they say and let it go in one ear and out the other.  In my opinion, I think these people just do it because they are not sure what they are doing is right and they need to feel like they are right.  Everyone has their own way of parenting there is not 1 way that is totally correct.

Answer 16

I understand your agrivation.

But, instead of being aggrivated, why not try to make it positive.  Look at it as being offered a different point of view instead of someone correcting you.

Lets take your example.  Your friend 'corrected' you saying you should buy something cheeper.  Ok.  Lets look at this friend.  Perhaps to her price is a much bigger deal than it is to you and maybe she doesnt understand that.  From her point of view, yeah, the gerber juices are great delicious, the kids like them...  but its just too much for her budget.  Maybe she is thinking that you didnt realize you could just buy sugar free juices or that they were cheeper.  You see it as correcting your parenting, as if she doesnt think you are doing a good job.  She may see it as trying to offer a suggestion to make your life easier.

I realize that was just one example, and its hard to take my approach when you are hearing it all day every day about everything from this person.  But, just try to chill out and remember that it may not be what you think.

Perhaps you should have a heart to heart with her to get your feelings out on the table.  She cant change what she is doing if she doesnt understand it hurts your feelings.

Answer 17

I know. I'm all 'well good for you!'

Once when I was pregnant with my youngest, I was walking through town with my middle daughter, then 3. She was crying and cyring to be picked up, and there was no way I could- i was pregnant, carrying the shopping, in a rush to pick the oldest up from school. Then this random lady who I had never met before had the cheek to come up to me and say 'Pick her up Mum!' I was open mouthed at the rudeness!!!

Answer 18

oh wow yes. At the daycare, the other moms will tell me to give my daughter tylenol when she's teething for example. And I simply say no. They ask why I'm letting her suffer and I say she eats sleeps and doesn't fuss so why should I give her tylenol for teeth? It's called overmedication! That is just one example. I forgot a hat in my car one day and I was criticized for that. It never ends. People always have an opinion. Just it it pass thru you and over ya hehe. It's not worth it to get angry.

Answer 19

From your example, it sounds like your friend is just trying to have a conversation with you.  Have you tried having a conversation back with her, voicing your opinion & learning from each other?