Does it ever get better???

Question

Going through the process of divorcing my Husband and I feel like I am lost in limbo. I want to move forward and try and start my new life but, I can't until he gets off of his butt and helps me get things settled. For financial reasons we are still sharing a house and he seems to be doing everything he can to avoid getting things done.

Does it ever get better???

Guess I am just feeling a bit down about things today and would like to hear from those who have been through this.

Thanks

Answer 1

Been there, done that...and yes, it will get better.

Answer 2

"This too shall pass." Do little things to help yourself move forward. Start planning for your life after this. Set deadlines with  him about when things need to be finished. Have faith... it will get better..... it will.  

Answer 3

Short answer is yes.  But it takes some time.  Is it possible that the husband doesn't really want a divorce and so is holding it up a bit?  I would caution you to consider yourself married until the judge says you are no longer married.  If you are using one lawyer for both of you, go to your own lawyer.  You don't have to let him sit on his butt, but get the lawyer to start motions toward a divorce.  Both of you have to disclose all financial assets.  You can file for separate maintenance  while you work with the divorce.  Do you want to keep the house or have it sold and split the assets?  Now is not a great time to sell or to have one of you take over as the appraisal might be down.  House does need to be appraised though.  Remember that you may have a part of his retirement (either as lump sum or as a payout when you or he reaches retirement age, but he could also have part of yours).  Pension is usually counted for years worked toward the pension, value at retirement and the years married compared to total years up to that time and figure a percentage of the current value.  If you have a good pension,  you might not want to go there at all and let him think of it or his attorney.

I am assuming that it is  you who wants the divorce not him since he seems to be stalling. If that is not the case, and you just want out because  you think it is over, maybe you should look to counselling to see if the marriage can be saved.  

But if not, use your own lawyer and you try to keep it moving forward. Ask that he pay the expenses if you need to.  The judge decides.  Judge can state that house needs to be sold and assets split. Can say that you could live there and you pay him half the value or that you get it in lieu of something else if you can afford the payments.  Or could give you some support, particularly if you have been married a long time. If it is a short-term marriage, it is not likely to be much that you receive other than for assets acquired during the marriage.

Now, after the divorce is final, then you need to take time for yourself and not be looking for a replacement. You need to rejoice in your self for a change.  You can go back to school if you didn't finish (college) or get training toward a career.  You can develop hobbies.  It is good to find a group of women friends to travel with or to explore with.  There are singles groups that can be fun but don't be very anxious to get back into marriage. You need to find out more about yourself and what you really want out of life.  And not to repeat any mistakes  you made the first time.  

Realize that even if you want a divorce that there is a grieving period as it is the death of a relationship and death of many hopes and dreams and so there is often anger and disappointment and hurt.  You need to work through that.  it takes time.  Then one of these days you will find you are ready to really move on and that things are much better.  It is sometimes the uncertainty that is disconcerting and upsetting.  Good luck to you.  

Been there, done that!

Answer 4

lol            never..................lol           it might change but will not get better i know ..........lol

Answer 5

I've never gotten a divorce or even filed one and still remained in the same home.  I guess from my point of view, I just don't see a divorce happening.  

it does get better, but you have to have your own place to experience it

Answer 6

oh trust me.  things will get better.  you will be fine.  don't worry about him.  just take care of yourself first.  if you have kids, take care of them too.  hang in there.

Answer 7

It will get better but as soon as you can SO YOU can move on you need to get out!

You cannot "start over" until you don't have him looking at everything you are doing, or you knowing all he is doing, it just won't work that way.

To really get things going for yourself as I said before you need to be out on your own.

Answer 8

Sorry, the only way to move on is to move out.  You have to start your life on your own.  I would have slept in my car if I had to.  I saved money a little at a time until I had enough for my own apartment.  I moved out when he was gone.  When I was with him, we always had excuses about not being able to afford this or that.  We could never save any money.  He was costing me money.  I could support myself with the salary I made and my car was paid for.  He had a bit more trouble.  I had a great deal of satisfaction having my very own place for the first time in my life.  I could come and go as I pleased and didn't have to think about finding things where I left them.  I kept the place clean and it stayed that way because he wasn't there messing things up after I would clean.  I didn't like being alone, but I didn't date until the ink was dry on the divorce decree and then I waited just a little longer before actually meeting and going out with people.  I hadn't dated in almost 30 years.  A LOT has changed since then.  I am happy now though.  It's been 4 years since the divorce and I am engaged to a wonderful man whom I have dated for almost two years.  I hope you are able to find happiness and start your new life soon, sounds like you are stuck in limbo for now.  Things won't change until you change them.  

Answer 9

Always interesting to here women pass the buck to the man to fix the financial stuff.  If you really want your life to get better you need to take charge of your finances.

Answer 10

if you're going to start a new life,then what do you need him for.

Answer 11

Divorce is never easy and the process can be grueling in many situations. Just know that the day will come when it's all said and done and you can truly move on with your life as a single woman. Do whatever you can to become independent and start living your life as you did before you were married. Don't ever rely on a man to take care of you, when you do that you lose who you are. Be a strong woman and do what you have to do to take you life back and be happy. Good luck to you!