Does it matter what your adoption experience was?

Question

Okay to the "two sides"(just kidding) here--- Come on really,if some one expresses their wanting for open records does it matter what their adopted life was? I mean they just may want their adoption records, it may have nothing to do with their adoption. On the other hand I do believe that those who don't want to know or have their adoption records, shouldn't be made to feel that is something they are wanting. I think we all can bring something to this board, because we are adoption, wether we are b-moms, adoptees, a-parents,or pap's. I will admit that i do take exception to those who say i'm not adopted, but i can tell you how to feel, this is the only time i get upset with answers. i'm adopted how could u possible know how i feel? Anyway just a question and a couple of thoughts.

Answer 1

I don't think that holding a beliefs in one thing means you support some other related idea.... I believe in open records but don't believe that it should be required for everyone to rush and read them it is a personal choice.

One of the biggest problems I have always had on websites like this is the fact that it seems no matter what simple answer a person is trying to make--they need to add ten pages of clarifying information and supporting documents in order to be sure they have not pissed off some person or another.....

No simple answers is the problem most people have unless they write novels....

Answer 2

i wholeheartedly agree with what you say about everyone bringing something to this board personally i probably sound as if i conflict with myself as reading what others have to say sometimes makes me think thoughts that i probavly wouldn't have had otherwise,but i think this is good and i love to read about the experiences of others and am so pleased that i have found this site as i have only been signed up for 4 months as to records being open i have always stated that i believe that,at least,the medical side of them should be made available to the adoptee from birth

Answer 3

(Sorry a little long)

I was also adopted, and your feelings are totally legitimate.  Not really a good comparison, but may help others and maybe you understand.

ex #1:  you hear this great song and you want to know why it was written and the story behind it.

ex #2: you meet this totally great person and you want to know what they are all about.

Ok put those 2 little insignificant things together and its curiosity!  Why wouldn’t you want to know about your history.  Its "your" family history.  I know my birth family and it answered MANY MANY questions about myself.

Getting your records could be a little tricky, I was born in a few years back, so getting my records was a little hard so I made contact with the adoption agency.  Then a few years later my birth mother contacted the agency and thus began a great new relationship.  In the agency I was in, if both parties make contact they put you together.

When it comes to your health info, 99.9% of the time you can not get any info on your parents.  NOTHING.  It is in protection of your "birth" parents privacy.

I understand the system a bit so if you have other questions let me know.

Here is a site that has leads to get info for yourself.  I hope I have helped :)))

http://genealogy.about.com/od/adoption/

And I do understand how you feel, its ok to be curious, and your adopted parents know you love them.  They must be very special!  Adoption is a big responsibility!!!

Answer 4

Healing, it is so nice to have you back!

I totally agree with you. A person's desire for BASIC CIVIL RIGHTS is in no way necessarily a reflection of unhappiness in their personal life, adoption related or not. And of course wanting BASIC CIVIL RIGHTS for adoptees doesn't even mean you have to be adopted.  I mean how silly is that. That would mean that no white person could want civil rights for people of color. Or to exaggerate the first case, that only Blacks who knew they'd been denied a job specifically because they were Black could object to racism.

And I also agree with you that no one should be ridiculed for expressing a positive experience or for not wanting their own OBC or not wanting reunion. Each person's experience is their OWN experience. How their personal experience is reflected in their political opinions is their own business, except when they choose to share. And they may not want to share all of their experience with us every time they answer--heck, how could anyone possibly include their whole background in every answer, and why should they? So we need to take each person's opinions and experiences as they themselves present them, and not make judgments about what we think they should be feeling.

We have so much we could learn from each other -- if we listen. Adoption is a very emotional topic, so there will always be emotions involved, and that is fine and even necessary. What is not necessary and not helpful is attacking or dismissing others who have a different experience or a different view.

Answer 5

I think the adoption itself and the search for your identity are seperate. There is the trauma that is caused by a baby being separated from their birth mother and they say that a baby may even be able to sense the despair the birth mother is going through while they are still in the womb. It is now known that a child starts to bond with their mother in the womb, not when they are born. When the child is born they know what she smells like, sounds like, they have heard and felt her heartbeat for months. Then they are ripped away. This can cause trauma.

Then separate from this is the identity. Often an adopted child doesnt really question their adoptive parents until they hit puberty and start to feel the natural urge to connect to something or someone they identify with. Doctors may ask them what their medical history is and they will have no idea or in class the teacher may discuss biology and genetics and ask the children to explain what similarities they have to their parents. A lot of adopted children (not all) will start to wonder what their birth parents look like and may want to search in order to find them.

All this has nothing to do with the adoptive parents really, their motivation was to provide themselves with a child (maybe they were infertile) and give a child who needs a home a loving and nurturing environment. Unfortunately the bond a child has to her or his natural mother will never be the same with an adoptive parent, they may love them and have a strong connection to them but they will never have that unique bond a child has with her natural parents.

As an adoptee i love my adoptive parents and i know how much they have done for me, I couldnt have asked for more. But there is always that emptyness. I haven't bonded with them the way I would have with my mother. It's just the way it is, and adoptive parents just have to accept that. They arent tthe replacement parents, they are there to nurture the child so that they can become successful and happy in the future.

Answer 6

Hi Healing.  I don't know how  many times I have made this exact statement.  What does how I was raised (e.g. my "adoption experience") have to do with my desire to receive equal treatment under the law?  I've made this statement again and again here because at times it seems there is confusion about this.

Also, wanting equal treatment under the law isn't about wanting reunion, either.  It's of no concern to me if someone else wants reunion.  However, if that person is adopted, I want that person to have the same right to his/her own record of  birth that non-adopted people have.  Whether the person accesses it or not doesn't matter.  What the person does with that record is s/he accesses it doesn't matter.  What matters is that the person is treated equally under the law.

I also want to clarify for Tiffany V that records are not sealed for the "protection" of birth parents.  Relinquishing a child for adoption does NOT result in a sealed record.  The only way a record seals is if a finalized adoption occurs.  The sealing of the record is about the ADOPTION, not about the relinquishment.  If the child is never adopted, or if the child is adopted but the adoption fails, that  birth record is NOT sealed, even though the child was given up for adoption.

Answer 7

well, if i had my records, they would not have been able to TRY to deny me a passport!

Answer 8

I don't think so. Everyone has curiosity & a person that knows they have another family somewhere is bound to become curious about them. I don't think a person's adoption experience really has anything to do with it.