Does it seem heartless & insensitive when you tell someone a problem you're going through, & they tell you...?

Question

That it could always be worse?

EX: You tell your school counselor about your family members torturing & abusing you, & she replies, "There are people who BURN their kids & drown them. & you're worrying about your mother giving you a busted lip!? Remember. It could always be 10 X worse."

Answer 1

That's when you give a snotty reply and walk away.

This ranks right up there with telling mourning loved ones that the deceased is in a better place.

Answer 2

It can in some contexts. Maybe there just trying to cheer you up. But in the example you said thats totally wrong of the counsellor to say that. If that IS the problem your having you need to get help A.S.A.P, try a teacher..or kids help phone or maybe even a neighbor or an adult you look up to.

Answer 3

They are just trying to make you feel better and think that at least there's something positive you can think about. But yeah, there's better things that they could say.

Answer 4

If a school counselor really said that to you, that's very unfortunate.  If your family is really torturing and abusing you, you need to get law enforcement involved.

Now, as for saying, "It could always be worse," yeah, it's not the most sensitive or empathic thing to say to someone who is having hard times.

Answer 5

In the example you gave, please add "stupid" and "barf-worthy" to the description.

Sometimes, it is helpful to point out there are worse situations... but this ain't it.  Uh uh.

Answer 6

I hope your example really didn't happen because in that case the school counselor is in the wrong profession.

Otherwise, I think people are just trying to put it in perspective. Because technically, things can always be worse. However it never helps the situation at the time.

Answer 7

Yes, it is heartless and insensitive.  Perhaps there are stories which would be considered by some to be worse.  But pain is pain.  It doesn't matter the source.  The pain is the same.  The feeling is the same.  Comparing it to "something that is worse" is judging your pain.  What kind of counselor would do that?  A busted lip is pretty significant, torture is significant, abuse is significant.  A reply like that makes you question your own sense of right and wrong, which could lead you to making poor decisions.  Request that you see a different counselor, one who will validate your concerns.  The best to you.

Answer 8

In the example you give, the response seems not only insensitive but criminal.  If the school counselor is looking the other way and not helping an abused student, that counselor could even be suspended and fined.

However, it is not always heartless and insensitive to answer that.  It always depends on the circumstance.  As a rule, I think it is NOT insensitive if the person that's stating a problem is overreacting to it.  When someone is overreacting, what the may really NEED is someone to point out that it could be worse.  It hurts, oh yes it does.  But it may be what the person needs to hear in order to quit overreacting.  I know that sometimes I need to hear something like "Oh, come on, it's not that bad!  It could be so much worse!"  I get a little bristled by it, but thank the person later for really helping me get over it.  It's the people that support my overreactions that are REALLY hurting me!

Answer 9

Yes that is insensitive.. but one learns one valuable lesson from this.. whom not to entrust secrets to in the future...  it's best if one knows a person well enough to have the instinct..  this person will listen without prejudice and with compassion..  she or he won'[t take sides but may give me valuable advice.. so it's good to really try to find out whom in a group of friends or grown ups one gets that feeling that these people will take the problem seriously. and won't make such heartless comments... xx

Answer 10

I walk away when people say something along those lines to me. It's like they're judging my pain and it's extremely insensitive to say to someone when they're hurting. I actually got into a car accident this morning (and walked away unhurt thank goodness) and had someone say something similarly insensitive. It's one thing to say it about something really petty, but in a situation where someone is obviously hurt, physically or emotionally, it's rude and tactless.

Answer 11

Did a counselor actually say that to you?  She should be protecting you, not blowing you off.  Everything could always be worse.  A busted lip is a pretty big deal to me.  Go to the principal if this really happened.  Call the doctor or minister.  Talk to a friend's mother who has the intestinal fortitude to help you.

Answer 12

YES IT IS INSENSITIVE.  I hate when people respond to others problems like that and a school counselor should know that.  I currently go to school for school counseling and we are taught to be sensitive.  No matter what situation your in it can always be worse that doesn't mean that what your going through is not hard.  My boyfriend does this all the time and it really gets me upset, I will say well I am really broke and I am really going through it with my finances and his response will be o well you dont' know what stress is my mom can't pay the mortgage.  I think to myself okay she can't but that doesn't mean that what I am going through should be minimized.  And there are situations worse than not being able to pay your mortgage.

Answer 13

I only get those responses when I am like ugh Im broke or schools tough or Im stressed....I when I told my parents I was depressed they didnt give me that logic...it depends on the sitch...if that happened to you with the busted lip thing and your counselor go to someone else immediately!