Does it sound shocking to you that abusive foster parents get FOSTER PARENT OF THE YEAR award?

Question

My foster family was VERY abusive towards us. Strange things happened. Punishing me for no reason. Making me eat soggy cereal out the trash can @ 3 yrs. old. After I turned 18, she encouraged the 12-yr. old foster boys to yell @ me, beat me up, etc. The social workers never told me my rights. The foster mom treated my twin sister better than me because she was thuggish, & I was the geek. Yell @ me constantly, working me like a slave with chores. Never had freedom to do things people my age did. Foster mom encouraging everyone to kick my @$$, foster step dad choking me, foster aunt & foster sisters psychologically torturing me, foster brother beating me up & putting me in wrestling moves where I can't breathe, & the list goes on.

The foster mom was very "popular" with the foster parenting community, & ALL the social workers, & the state employees & whoever else-liked her. She was the favorite in the community. Now, what's so GREAT about being abusive?

Answer 1

I want to first say that I am sorry you have gone through so much pain, both physically and emotionally.  I would strongly encourage you to get away from these people as quickly as possible.

But, to answer your question, no, it doesn't surprise me, at least not any more.  Many people are able to live double lives where the public sees one side and the immediate family sees the opposite.  It's not just in adoption or foster care settings.  It happens all over, in various degrees and social/economical settings.

Some people are even very good at hiding their evil side from everyone.  A very popular example of this is Ted Bundy.  He tortured and murdered many women, while people, even those who were very close to him, knew nothing of this.  In fact, they thought very highly of him and thought he would do great things with his life.

But, getting back to abuse, there are many abusers who put on a very different and likeable front for other people.  The reason they can get away with this, is because they have intimidated their victims into submission and fear speaking out.  

I am glad to see you are speaking out though.  I hope you continue to do so, but from a distance.

Answer 2

This is exactly what I went through. Don't worry and hang in there. It will all be over when you turn 18! Write me if you have any more questions. I have been through the same thing!

Answer 3

Did you ever turn her in? IF no one knevv she vvas abusing you then nothing can be done.

Answer 4

Turn her @$$ in!!!! There is NO excuse to abuse a child in any way. If you come out and tell the authorities you would be surprised how many other foster children have gone through her house and done the sme thing. Plus, time is a wonderful thing, all those other kids that was treating you bad, due to the orders given by your foster parents, are probably grown now and feel bad about what they did in the past. That can work in your favor. Try to get in touch with them to see if they will testify on your behalf.

Answer 5

Its not shocking. Deviant people are often very good at covering their digusting behaviors.  Look it up on Crime Library. Kids die in abusive foster homes and no one knows whats going on until it is too late.

Answer 6

Unfortunately, it doesn't shock me in the least.  Abusers are really good liars, and the fact that they convinced everyone around them that they're wonderful people is pretty common.  I don't get why people think kids just lie all the time.  I reported my parents, too, and they actually called and TOLD them I had reported them.  So, in addition to not ending up in a safe place, I got an extra special beating for reporting them.  Nice, eh?  I'm sorry you went through that.  I hope you can become an advocate for foster kids.  They need people like you.  And it really helps to purge those feelings when you're helping people.

ETA:  Kazi, what an empowering post!  Kick @$$, girl!

Answer 7

Aren't you glad you're out of that situation?

Sorry you had to go through it...but it's unhealthy to hold on to so much anger.  Perhaps talk to a therapist about it?

Answer 8

Turn her in...sometimes people don't tell when they've been abused until years later! It's hard to come out and confess abuse. Tell someone above her the horrible things she did to you as a child, and she'll never get to foster again!!!

Answer 9

No it doesn't shock me but more so disgusts me.

"Don't you know that you're just a little liar." I'm sure you've heard that line quite a bit growing up. That type of person who unfortunately you had to live with are abundant in the adoption/foster business.

What shocks me is that people still use this line especially with children and nmothers and some mental case Ap's believe it. Someone actually used that line on here yesterday.

What shocks me is that people are participating in "legalized kidnapping" aka adoption and could careless how this is going to affect human beings. Its all about their wants.

Answer 10

many foster parents are like that. i was in a home that was very much the same. i am happy that its over, and have decided to leave it all with them. you should report it, so you know that you have done the right thing and then i hate to say it but --get over it. it is hurting you more to think about it than it is helping.  the foster family will get whats coming to them in due time.  these things have a way of working out, you just have to move on with your life and let nature take its course.

Answer 11

Maybe it's time you had a little 'outing' party for the parents. I'd tell everyone who will listen what they did to you. Make dang sure they can't adopt someone else.

I'm so sorry you were treated that way! Be a crusader and make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else! I think that is the best thing you can do with your experience.

Answer 12

Unfortunately some people can cover up what they do and come across as the most amazing people on the face of the earth. I am SO sorry that you had to endure this- however I think since you are older now, you need to report these parents. They should not be allowed to be foster parents.  However, you need to get some help so that you can get past this, and be free.  Counseling would really be a great idea for you. It will not change the horrible behavior you received but it can help you move on and live a full life.

Answer 13

QQ,

First of all I am so sorry that you had to live with that. You deserved better.I hope that you have found your power and your peace and that if you haven't that they are soon firmly in your grasp.

As to the shock, nothing in forster care, adoption or family law truly "shocks" me anymore. Angers me, disgusts me, makes me sick, causes my faith in humanity and justice to falter? YOU BETCHA.

It is a serious issue that is, unfortunately, covered up, overlooked and outright ignored all to often and CHILDREN are the ones who suffer. Children who are defenseless, helpless, voiceless, innocent and often traumatized, frightened, hurt and confused. We are ALL guilty of not being there enough for one another but it is truly a tragedy when children suffer because of apathy, ignorance and silence.

We as a society need to step up and meet the challenge of being human and looking out, standing and speaking up for our fellow human beings. Especially for those who have the smallest voices.

Anyone who is interested in doing so has a million ways to do it. Here are a few examples for anyone interested:

-Be a GAL/CASA and be the voice of an abused and/or neglected child in Court

http://www.casanet.org/

-Be a Big Brother or Big Sister and mentor a child in need

http://www.bbbsi.org/

-Volunteer for the United Way gives a hand to families in need

http://uwint.org/devfinal/

-UNICEF helps children and their families all over the world

http://www.unicef.org/

-Get involved in a local program such as a church, school or community service organization

-Get personal and help a neighbor or needy child in your neighborhood - sometimes all it takes is ONE person helping another!

For more ideas search the telephone book, the internet, the library, the newspaper or just your heart. Somebody out there could use someone in their lives!

IF YOU ARE AWARE OF OR SUSPECT THAT A CHILD YOU KNOW IS BEING ABUSED OR NEGLECTED, PLEASE, TELL SOMEONE!!!!! Don't be responsible for letting the pain go on.

Call your local CPS or 911 to make a report.

OR CALL:

1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

http://www.childhelp.org/

ETA: Beautiful post, Kazi! :)

Answer 14

I really wish I could say this surprises me, but it doesn't. In my experience, people void of any moral compass are often the best talkers... they have to be. Child absuers are innately cowards, as children are defenceless. I believe if she ran into you today and you were all confident and strong and empowered and staring right in her eyes, well I bet you dollars to donuts, she'd pee her pants.

I would reccommend a few things:

Try and get other former foster children in her care to write letters to the agency to the papers to the media, even blog about it.

If you saw her, do not give her an inch. Don't engage or yell. Just smile. Nothing enrages these pathetic pricks more then knowing that they have no effect, that deep down, they know they're trash and most of all, you know it.

Most importantly, take care of yourself. Get some help with counselling. These people stole your childhood from you, but don't give them one more freaking day of your power or your happiness. Go after the things you have always wanted. Be who you want to be. Be happy.

That'll really p**s them off!!!!!!

Good luck!!!

Answer 15

no, sadly it is not surprising at all.. my son's long term foster parents get awards all the time... he was sexually abused by a older kid while living there.. and there were many issues like for one, eating... he had 10 min.. each meal and what he did not eat went into the trash or fed to the dog... and sadly I can believe they did not really look into it when you complained..

it is one of the reason all you guys need to get together and really let people know what goes on in foster care...

I hope you are doing okay now...