Does my fiance have a right to be upset with me over this

Question

I won't marry him unless there is a pre-nup involved

Now he's upset and offended, asking things such as "So you think I am that sort of person?" "You're already thinking about divorce and think it's going to happen one day?", ect

I love him and trust him, but I'm also trying to think logically

I don't want him to keep what's rightfully mine if things ever get messy one day

Does he have a right to be upset?

Answer 1

Do you really have enough right now for this to be an issue? If you don't really have a lot of money then I wouldn't worry about it.

But if you do, just let him know that your protecting your assets and that if he never wants to get divorced then its just a formality that has to be done. Tell him you don't think its such a big deal (him signing) since you will never get divorced anway and that your just taking out insurance that nothing will happen.  

Answer 2

Not really such a thing as a right to be upset. But I'd say that if he was willing to date (and propose to) someone who would get a pre-nup then I'm surprised that he'd be upset about this.

How did he react when you suggested that he get his will updated? Or are you covering the absolute worst case scenario first, and then working to less disasterous ones?

Answer 3

Of course he has the right to be upset. He also has the right not to sign it. If you are looking ahead to the eventuality of a divorce before you even marry, there are serious issues of trust and commitment for you to work on. Either keep all your assets separate, without even a joint account, or don't marry.

Answer 4

he has a right to feel upset, to him its as though you do not think you will be together forever and that if you do break up he will take you for everything you have!! However I can see where you are coming from and can understand people doing pre nups now.

People change and divorce happens, its horrible, and you can never predict it. You could be the happiest couple in the world but over time you may end up divorced. Its a horrible reality of the world we live in.

It sounds like he is hurt. Maybe try to explain to him that you do love him and of course you always want to be with him, but its not possible to predict the future as much as we would all like to do. I hope you work things out, it would be such a shame to fall out over this.

Answer 5

I think that if you have considerable assets, it is prudent to protect what is yours.

Most marriages will end in a "mine is mine yours is yours and ours is split 50/50" type agreement - but A LOT will depend on your state.

I think you need to consult a good lawyer and determine how necissary this really is, what would happen if you divorce in your state, and see if this is really worth making an issue of.

Answer 6

He has a right to be upset but at the same time, you are absolutely right in trying to protect your assets.  

Here is the thing.  A lot of people, especially young people, have very romantic notions about marriage and get upset at the idea of a prenup because they think it means that you don't completely trust the other person or that you are already contemplating divorce.  Realistically though, more than half of marriages in America end up in divorce and if you have a trust fund or money and your future husband doesn't, then you may end up paying through the nose for the rest of your life for a marriage that only lasted five years.

Seriously, you can love somebody but be smart, protect yourself.  If he really loves you, he'll understand.  Good luck!.

Answer 7

I can see where you are both coming from and I think you are right. Paul McCartney would agree with me!! You need to safeguard whats yours. No one wants to think that one day the love of their life will turn around and want all they can get but it does happen. It doesn't mean that you don't love or trust your fiance any the less you are just safeguarding your future. Just assure your fiance that it is nothing personal towards him and make sure you stick to your guns.

Answer 8

I think it is very sensible to have a prenuptial agreement.  

His feelings are his feelings, so he is entitled to them . . . just as you are entitled to your feelings.  But if he doesn't want you to believe he is "that sort of person," then why doesn't he sign the pre-nup?

Really, if he has no plans to divorce and is truly not after your money or possessions . . . then he should have no objections to signing.  He should of course have his own attorney go over the agreement, to make sure his rights are protected.  

But if he refuses to sign?  Then I feel you are right not to marry him.

Answer 9

This really isn't about him being right or you being right.  Clearly, you have different opinions on that topic.You have a strong practical side and he has a strong emotional side.

This is an opportunity to discuss things like family finances and how the two of you will spend your money once you are married.  There's quite the gap in how the two of you arrive at decisions and you need to work on closing that gap while respecting each other's styles.

Answer 10

I dont blame him for being upset.  But, anything you have personally acquired before the marriage would go to you only in the event of a divorce.  The only stuff split up is what is acquired during your marriage.

Answer 11

Well if you have something worth protecting (a family business going to you or like millions of dollars)  then it isnt unreasonable to want to protect those things, but if you really dont have much then yes he should be a bit upset because there is no mine and yours in a marriage.  its "ours"  and he feels liek you think maybe he is just after you for what you have.  also, nobody wants to think divorce at such a happy time (engagement) and your already mentioning it.  maybe he just feels your love is conditional (I dont marry you unless)  just sit down and really talk about it.

Answer 12

Yes.  Marriage is based on trust.  It sounds like you do hold some distrust for him in the area of a divorce.  When you tell him you want a prenuptial, your telling him that you don't trust him enough but you love him enough to marry him.  

Answer 13

If you guys do stay together for the rest of your lives, the pre-nup will never be an issue. But he doesn't sound like someone who is thinking realistically about spending the rest of his life with you. His attitude on the subject should only strengthen your resolve to get that pre-nup. It would be irresponsible on your part not to.

Answer 14

Yes, he does.

I would be offended too, if I truely loved the man and never ever thought about being dishonest with him even if we got a divorce.

You may see your own reasons, but don't think that he is being irrational being upset. He has every right to be upset over what you have asked him.

Edit: Thinking about it, I wouldnt marry anyone who requested a pre-nup off of me. If they dont trust me enough about that as a person, then they shouldn't marry me and I definitely shouldn't marry them, for I believe I deserve better then to be treated as dishonest when Im not.

Answer 15

Sure he does. In the reverse situation, I would never ever sign a pre-nup.

The only case which would be different would be if you were married before and you want to look out for your children. However, that would be all handled by the will you make, not a prenup.

Answer 16

he can feel how he want, but in these days its very normal hence logical and if he love you for you then really why is it such a big deal...i mean if you never get divorse then the pre-nop wont count, so what does it mather unless He is thinking about divorse

Answer 17

He has a right to be upset but you also have a right to protect yourself. Lay downt he law and if he really loves you then he will just sign the pre-nup....just ask yourself this question, is it worth losing him over?

Answer 18

I`m going to be very blunt and I don`t seriously care about the thumbs down when it comes to this:

Unless you are a millionaire with a larger inheritance coming up and no debts or loans and he`s a lowlife squash, he has every right to be upset.

If things get messy you are supposed to work it out, that is what your vows are there for. They are not just poetry.

To secure a future without him when you are about to plan how to spend the rest of your lives together does not tell him much about your commitment to him.

All the best.

Answer 19

If I were him, I'd be peeved too... asking for a pre-nup is like saying, "Oh I love you so much, but if you'll just sign on this dotted line..."  If you chose the right person, you wouldn't need one, because you would trust that person to never get nasty even in the event of a split.

Answer 20

the subject of prenups is always going to cause stress in a relationship, and given the argument you have presented here, I can understand his feeling bad about it. Surely a more mature reason for a prenup would be to ensure that NEITHER of you loses out in the event of the marriage dissolving in some unimaginable time in the future. By presenting your argument as you have done to us, you are saying you don't trust him not to rip you off if he ever gets angry with you. If that is really the case, then you need to take a deep breath and ask yourself if it is love or hormones leading you to the altar.

Answer 21

Unless you are an older woman with millions on the table.  He has all the right in the world to be mad.  You get married for love.  not money.  Ditch the prenup if you aren't a filfthy rich b*****d!!  If you love him , there isn't going to be a divorce , you should have more faith in him.  If not , don't get married.

Answer 22

I think that anyone would be a little hurt or upset if someone asks for a pre-nup; but it is not an unreasonable request, especially now a days. I personally think that you are taking the steps to protect yourself if anything does happen. There are so many people that get taken during divorce proceedings and end up with nothing.

I would try to talk with him and tell him that it's not just something that is protecting you, it's also protecting him. You just never know what will happen in life and it's better safe than sorry sometimes.

I am sure once he thinks about it more he will realize that you are thinking logically - I just think initially he was a little shocked and hurt.

Don't worry - just don't give in on this. You need to protect yourself - nothing wrong with that.  

Answer 23

Absolutely

I wouldnt marry a guy if he wanted to get one. Its not the way to begin a marriage. It says you dont honestly believe in your future. Marriage is supposed to be till death do you part, than for what possible reason would you ever get divorced. You must completely trust your heart and it doesnt sound like you do.  

Answer 24

Most states in case of divorce give the wife what is hers outright (anything she brings to the marriage & is given as a personal gift) the husband's what is his outright (ditto) and divide what is considered marital property. The custodal parent gets child support....the wife may or may NOT get short term maintenance until she's self-supporting, she doesn't get it for her life time. So unless you have big bucks up the wha-zoo, or an inheritance to protect, why the pre-nup? Not even married yet and you are woried about a possible divorce settlement? Wow.

Yeh, don't blame him in the least.

Answer 25

Since you do not give your ages and wealth I assume you are both in your mid-twenties and looking at a large mortgage and eventually bringing children into the world.  In which case the matter should not have arisen, however since it has and this is his attitude, think what he is going to be like should you marry and it all go wrong!

Now answer your own question.

Answer 26

I personally would be offended if my Fiance told me he wanted a Pre-nup

For myself I wouldn't bother getting engaged if I wanted a pre-nup. If I was going to put any thought into a divorce that would set warning bells off for me that something is wrong with the relationship.

I think that he has a right to be upset over this, but then again I don't know what your situation is. I can't really say anything about your relationship because I know nothing about the two of you. But i know if I was put in the situation he is I would be very upset. Possibly to the point I would call it off.  

Answer 27

He has the right to feel how he wants but it is not unreasonable to protect your assets. I would gladly agree to one as I would never want anyone to think I am after them for their material possessions.  

Answer 28

Sure he does, but if you are going into this with only that as your protection I wonder at the legal advice you are getting.

If we aren't talking hundreds of thousands of dollars is it worth the grief?

You should structure your estate in such a way that he (or anyone else suing you) can't get to it anyway, pre-nup or not.

For instance, all my wealth is held in the name of a trust. Legally, it doesn't belong to me, even though I have access to it.

I can get my *** sued off, but they only get my pocket money, not my estate. You need to get an estate planner, if you have serious wealth.

Answer 29

If you feel that you need one, stick to your guns... or you will likely regret it later. But it is understandable why he would be offended, and he has the right to feel that way. There is probably a reason why you feel it is necessary-- and you are probably right.

Answer 30

No, youre just doing what you think is right. And what may protect you one day down the road. If he cant respect that then let him go. You need to know that he's there for love and nothing else.