Does my fiance spend too much time with her family??

Question

My fiance and I are having a rocky time. She and her family are extremely close. They want and she would stay with them all the time if I didn't say something about it. I've put myself in check and have not brought it up, but I have major concerns. I want my fiance to put HER family first. We have a child together, and I just want her to think about us first. I have no problem hanging out with her family. It's a great time and whatever. But when will she put HER family first? I think some time limits and days over at her parents house should be negotiated? Do I say anything or just keep my mouth shut? Or move on. I love her and will do any ting for her, but i feel like a doormat. Should I just accept it?

Answer 1

You should say something, but it's all in how you say it. You need to explain that the both of you are building a home and life together. Don't come off like you don't want her to go over to her family's house at all because that will start a huge war. It sounds like she is young and this strong bond with her family will fade in time and yours will grow.  It will take time. It did for me anyway. You have to remember her family was her life for years and this new life with you is new and has to grow. It will to.

Answer 2

The question is, How much time does she spend with you? If she is spending a good amount of time with you, and doesn't neglect you, then you really shouldn't worry about the amount of time she is spending with family. Family is a blessing. If she is not spending enough time with you, then let her know that you would like more time with her and work something out. Whatever you do, don't mention her family, you don't want her to have to choose.

Answer 3

Communication is key to a successful marriage. Love alone will wither under the pressures of no communication, respect, understanding and compromise.

Talk to her calmly and freely. Don't make a huge discussion out of it at first. Spend some time as a family together. Go to a nice park and spend the day together. Make extra effort and show her how much you appreciate the day. Always make this effort and expect the same in return.

Then tell her that you really enjoy this and would love more days like this and more Family time and look forward to a wonderful life together and want you two to be able to equally share family time with the in laws and yet prioritize your own family first. I'm sure she'll understand once you talk to her.

All the best :)

Answer 4

Well it seems you have quite a few people giving you rather sound advice, but from my perspective I wouldn't recommend seeing a pre-marriage counselor.  If you two can't handle your own issues between the TWO of you and you need a mediator, what's the point in getting married?  Sorry just my personal opinion.

But in response to your question, I would have to say from experience in this issue that you should really pull her aside and talk to her. Maybe take her out for a dinner with just the two of you and have a nice chat about thoughts and feelings.  Gals tend to get caught up with family especially if they are close to them.  But, she also needs to realize that you and your son are her family as well and that you two deserve just as much attention as her immediate family.  I may not have some degree to tell you what exactly to do, but talking to her is your best bet.  Learn to communicate and work through your issues as a couple now to build a healthy foundation for your family later.

I wish you the best of luck in your situation and hope it all works out for the best.  

Answer 5

better her over her family than hanging out with single friends or chatting online and phone with internet people

Answer 6

you and your child should most definitely be number 1 and her parents should come second. i feel bad for you. she's got her priorities all mixed up.

Answer 7

Pre-marital counseling is the way to go in this situation. You have expectations of what you want your family to be and she is acting in a different manner. Seeing a counselor can put a reality check on how much time she spends away from her family to be with her FOO (family of origin).

Pre-marital counseling will also help you both set family goals and manage individual expecations as well as give you some good guidelines for conflict resolution to pull you out of a rocky situation.

Hope this is helpful!  

Answer 8

If it really bothers you, bring it up in a casual, non-threatening way. Dont make her feel as if its your way or the highway, just something you think needs to be discussed. A relationship should be a compromise and it if its an issue that really makes you crazy, she should love you enough to at least meet you half way. Good luck!