Does my friend have to go to his wife's funeral??

Question

Ok yesterday i stated a question let me summarize: friend got married, she cheated, friend kicked her out, she begged for forgiveness, friend said he already filed for divorce, she commits suicide. That being said everyone is blaming my friend which i think is complete bullshit! Now the family said that they will bury her [they are taking the financial responsibility]. My friend doesn't know if he should go or not and is asking me for advice and i have NO clue what to tell him. They were geting a divorce! so I don't think he should go [i didn't tell him that] but what scared me the most is since her family is blaming him, he might be in danger...I don't know what to tell him...any advice?

Answer 1

I think he should go. Even if he is in the back of the room. He should go and pay his respects. Divorced or not, family hates him or not, she was his wife after all. He will never be able to live with himself if he doesn't.

Who cares what the family thinks!! Its about him and his wife/x-wife

Answer 2

see if he can call the funeral parlor and have a few minutes without the family there,they may let him and it won't cause any hardship on the family,,

you should continue to be his friend no matter what they said,

she is the one that did this to herself,,

Answer 3

Probably not.  Let her family mourn her loss without the tension of having him around.  

Answer 4

he probably shouldn't go.  it is not his fault that she committed suicide,SHE chose the selfish way out.  the family needs someone to blame and your friend is the easy target. he would not be welcome there and will not be appropiate for him to go.  it may cause more pain for her family.  

Answer 5

Because the divorce was not finalized, he is still the husband. Even if the family is looking for reasons to blame him, he wasn't the one who killed her. She obviously had problems, and they may not want to see that yet, as they need someone to blame.

He has every right to be there, even if he isn't paying for it. However, there is going to be HUGE confrontations with the family, if he goes or not. It might be wise for him to call her parents ahead of time, just to see what the tone will be. If he gets the vibe from them that he might be in any danger from angry family members, then, no, he shouldn't go.

I went to a funeral where my friend died in a car accident. The driver (another friend) of that car ended up a paraplegic. So, there he was, in his wheel chair, fresh out of the hospital. No one made him feel welcomed, but, the accident was not his fault. It took a lot of balls for him to come and face everyone. The brother of my friend (who died) beat him until he was unconscious. Not a good scene, especially for the immediate family. I would hate for your friend to have to walk in to that.  

Answer 6

They should go to the funeral out of respect for the person and families involved.

They may not want them there but it is respectful

Answer 7

he shouldnt go if its gonna cause the family more grieve

he can always pay his respects at a later date

Answer 8

Schlane, You're pretty warped -- cheating is not a offense that means someone should DIE.

I hope you weren't the one giving this guy the advice that led to his wife's suicide.

If she were totally distraught he didn't have to take her back, but he could have been a bit more understanding.

Answer 9

He isn't obligated to but really i think it would be right for him to go because they shared some good times together and good times are what you should remember not the bad. Her family shouldn't blame anyone else because suicide is a her mistake  not his he didn't tell her to do he just didn't think the marriage was going to work. She took way to seriously and didn't realize that her ex husband wasn't her only chance at love.

Answer 10

Tell him to do exactly what he wants to do. If he doesn't want to go, tell him not to go, but make sure that you think of something for him to do to fill that time while the service is going on. That will be a hard time for him. He will be thinking, "What are people thinking about me right now", well he's going to need someone with him when he's thinking those thoughts. Be there with him. Tell him not to go if he doesn't want to and think of something else you can do during that time.  

Answer 11

he could go for few hours it wouldn't hurt him after alleven if he's not the blame for her death nor she was the perfect wife but she was his WIFE..they slept,ate,watched tv together so... from the normal humanity to go to her funeral!

Answer 12

  he should go with a date on his arm, real smokin hottie......  seriously, under the circumstances with the family, he may want to go to the cemetary after they leave..  he can have his own moment with her if he would like--   and he can send flowers to the funeral home so the family can see that at least he cared enough to do that

Answer 13

Yes, he has to go, and yes, it might be dangerous. It's a terrible situation.

Answer 14

It's obvious that her family is in charge, and my guess is that they would have him evicted if he showed up. If he really wants to go, he should contact a family member who will still talk to him and ask if he can come.

The bigger issue here is guilt. He is bound to feel some guilt for her death, especially given that her family is blaming him. It might be a good idea for him to talk to a grief counselor and work it out. Tell him to call a hospice and they can direct him to someone.

Answer 15

Given the circumstances, he should not go. Funerals are for the living. Since they blame him, his being there would only cause them more pain, not comfort them in any way. If he wants to pay her last respects, he should do it when she is buried and no one is around.

Answer 16

i would say dont go, because its not his fault that she commited suicide. its her own fault because someone cant make you do something, you have to choose to do something since you have control of your body. and if he does go it will just cause more problems so i say no dont go.

Answer 17

Going to a funeral is saying the last goodbye. He will never get that chance again.

He should only go if he wants to.

If he doesn't care at all that she is dead he shouldn't go to her funeral.

If he is sad that she is dead I think he should go for hes own sake, to say goodbye properly (unless he is afraid someone will kill him or something)

Answer 18

He seems heartless, why would he need to go to a funeral?  Sociopaths go for social upkeep, he's already been outed, so what's the point?

Answer 19

Does he WANT to attend? If so, then he should. I think in the short term, he MIGHT regret attending. But in the long term, he will regret NOT attending. Does he want to have any relationship with her family afterwards? He shouldn't be made to feel like he can't show his face there. The ultimate blame does not lie with him--it was his wife's choice. They should all reach the common ground of the mental problem of suicide and depression, and work to combat those, rather than blaming this guy for something he didn't do.

Answer 20

Regardless of how he feels right now, he will one day regret not having the closure of going to her funeral... all other things taken into consideration.  He should really go to get some closure for himself...and ignore her family.  HE is not the bad guy here.  SHE is!  Suicide is a form of cowardice and right now her family is grieving just as much, if not more than he is, but the true villain in all of this is the wife.  I'm sorry your friend is going through this.  People who commit suicide have no clue of the messes they are leaving behind.  

Answer 21

dang....that's heavy.  He should go by the funeral home before the wedding to pay his respects, but not the funeral, they'll just have more problems with the grieving then, even though the family is wrong for blaming him.

Answer 22

He needs to decide that for himself.  He's the one that has to live with the decision - although, there will be a ridiculous amount of drama there it sounds like.  

Answer 23

I would say yes to show his respect. But do not stay long. The family will talk whether or not he goes. He should be accompanied by friends for support.

Answer 24

People seem to forget that funerals are for the living, not for the dead.  In other words, the only deciding factors about whether or not to go to a funeral should be 1) whether or not doing so will have a positive, supportive effect on the other attendants, and 2) whether the person needs to go for himself, for closure.  In this case, 1) his presence would be a disruption, and 2) he obviously doesn't need to go for his own benefit.  Therefore, he should not go.

Answer 25

If there are children involved, then yes he should go.

If there are not children involved, then he doesn't have to if he so chooses.

If she committed suicide, she obviously was a train wreck upstairs prior to the cheating/divorce.  How can the family not have seen that?

Answer 26

I personally would tell him to go not because what his family thikns but because at one point he did love her going to a funeral is about showing respect. I dont he wanted her dead, and going to the funeral will just show he has compassion. Yes go!

Answer 27

It is his choice.  If he feels the need to go, then he should go.  If he doesn't feel that he needs to go then he doesn't have to.  They may have been getting a divorce, but that doesn't mean to say he no longer loved her.  Its the last good bye.  If he thinks that he should be there for his own reasons, then he should go.

Answer 28

No one is required to go to a funeral except by their emotional need.  It would probably be best if your friend stayed away unless he really needs to go for some reason.

Answer 29

I don't think he needs to go, but he should send some kind of flower arrangement to the family saying he is sorry for their tragic and untimely loss.  

I think going would make the whole funeral an uncomfortable experience, especially since suicide is an uncomfortable topic to begin with.

Answer 30

i think he should go en give last respect en the family might see him noble,sorry for that ,en i wish he solved the problem en not let her die

Answer 31

well,,,,,,,,,,

how do you know he's not the one who cheated and she killed herself because of that???

no, he should not go, and you, should not be friends with him anymore...

I think there is more to this story...