Does my poem need work?

Question

Abandoned For Lies

Words Falling

Actions Speaking Louder

No Chances To Voice

Truth Taken As Lies

Finally A Word

Complicated

Misunderstood

Covered Ears

Actions Are To Loud

Lies Are Believed

Taken For Granted

Eyes Seeing Lies

Ears Blanking Out Truth

Two People Tears

Walking Away

Last Goodbyes

Given With Looks

Backs Turned To Walk Away

No More Connections

One More Look Back

Trying To Be Understood

No One There To Listen

Abandoned

Copyright ©2008

Answer 1

Suggestions:

1. try counting syllables (4 or 6 ) per line

2. Do 4 lines then a space then 4 more lines.

(it's much easier to read)

It has potential, but you need to structure it and make flow;

... it shouldn't sound choppy.

I hope you work more on it, I'd like to see what you can do with it.

Answer 2

i think its really GOOD.  Its very deep.  I could never write somthing like that

Answer 3

yea , lots of work