Does my son need help?

Question

with regards to your answers im so greatful to you all, my son means the world to me. my son always askes me how much i love him to which we both respond to "all the stars in the sky", hes my life and its killing me seeing him like this, with responce to the first answer, i do no about law ive spend the last 4 yrs on this, but when it comes to someone putting you down as a mum it hurts the worst was possile and u do nuthing but doubt it. i suffered post natal depression after the birth and nearly died i lost 5 pints of blood and nuthing went right. if i could wrap my son up in cotton wool forever i would, life aint like that tho and im asking for help. yes i live in the uk. my solicitor is great.

Answer 1

If your ex has said seriously that he wants you dead, you need to tell someone about that. Especially with his behavior, I wouldn't take any chances.

Have you got a lawyer? You need to do something about the custody agreement between you two. Get advice from someone who specializes in this area.  

Answer 2

I would get him some kind of therapy and also shower him with love and affection, let him know that you are there for him and that nothing bad is going to happen. He must feel very insecure now and you know at this age they pick up things, but in the wrong way. Try to be open with him and find out whats going on in his head. Be as honest as you can with him about how things are without criticizing his Dad - that's the last thing he needs. I'm sure his loyalties are very confused and he must be anxious.  Keep going with the solicitor, this guy  is a jerk!

Answer 3

Just be a good mother to him and let his stupid dad say whatever he wants. A kind caring mother will always win the heart of her son over a angry negative father. A six year old can see this.

No "police officer" will take away a child from you. The court does that, brighten up on your laws. You clearly aren't smart enough to even protect yourself from lieing idiots.

Just do your thing. Ignore his phone calls, and record any "threats" he imposes on you and notify the authorities. Simple as that.

Answer 4

Karra... please please please please please don't feel quilty at all.  From the way you speak about your son, it sounds like you completely adore him and would never do anything to hurt him.

This is not your fault at all but is of the C       U     N  *  T  faced ex of yours.  How can a man possibly act this way towards his own son!?  It completely horrifys me!

It sounds as though your son is suffering from anxiety panics as he is being shifted around quite a lot and prob doesn't know exactly what he should expect next.

My parents had a very bad break up when I was about 11, I became extremely depressed, started not going to school and became completely naughty in every aspect.  However, after a few years, my mum realised just how much it had all affected me, took me to the doctors and from then on I had a lot of councilling.  I had councilling both through the NHS (not too sure if ur in uk but thats our national health company) and also in school.  Within 6 months or so, I was completely back to normal and now work full time as an Office manager in the city (and Im only 20!).

I would recommend taking him to see the doctor and speak to him and tell him everything that is going on and see if they can help him in anyway, maybe with either medication or counselling.

With regards to your ex not paying your child support money... surely this is illegal?  You should be able to take him to court over this as he will partly responsible for your sons upbringing until he is 18 years old.  Look at Britney spears as an example.. she lost the court case to bring up her sons, however she still has to pay k-fed $20,000 a month!  (would be nice if he had to give you that much ay?).

I sounds as though your x is trying to threaten you with his policewoman partner... she will not be able to make any decision of the sort.. what a t**t.  It will be the law and a court judge who will decide this! So dont worry about that.

If you don't feel comfortable with talking to your doctor then just write him a letter but just make sure you explain everything that is going on.

I hope this helps.

I with you both the best of luck!

Answer 5

No, I do not think you have let him down. The ex certainly has. To use a small child that way... is disgusting. The little guy is probably afraid to leave you because of something your ex has said or done. Let the school know that your ex does not have authority to take him. Let your son know that, and tell him to run inside to a teacher if the ex shows up. Try to secretly record exhanges with your ex, just in case. It may or may not be possible to use them in court where you are, but they can be used other ways. Don't lead him, just let him be himself, don't seek him out. You may need them to prove something. Get the court to arrange an assessment. If your son is this messed up and afraid, they should be able to spot it. Document EVERYTHING. Get a diary, and every single thing your son tells you, write it down. Every time your ex pulls something, write it down, everytime the ex says anything, threatening or otherwise, well, you get the idea. I would get your son some therapy. He needs someone to talk to, and unfortunately, a child therapist will carry more weight in court than you. Maybe ask the therapist to videotape the sessions. Do not lead your son with questions. Resist talking about the father to your son the way he is about you. Maybe, if you can find the time, get counseling yourself, in case he says you're the nutter (have someone who can speak to you being ok at a moments notice). That's all I can think of right now. Ah, yes, restraining order, I'd get one immediately.

*ADD*

Maybe try to find out if the girlfriend IS an officer. If you know her last name, call the station (public phone) and ask when she is on duty next. Obviously, if she works there you'll get a time. Have a fake reason for calling, just in case they ask, but it would be advisable to keep it vague (thinking of adding something to a report ). I come from a law enforcement family, and at least in Canada, they don't have a problem giving out info like that without question. I'm only recommending this to set your mind at ease.

Answer 6

First, I am SO sorry you are dealing with this.  

My advice:

1. Get some kind of lawyer or representation.  Just go for a consultation and see what they can tell you about your rights.  Make sure to mention everything: the threats he has made to you through your son, the kidnapping (because that's what it was---why the officers involved did nothing is ridiculous and should also be mentioned), the fact that his girlfriend is a police officer and he is using her position to threaten you, etc.  Tell the lawyer about the child support issue.  Sounds to me though, like you may just get sole custody.  This ex of yours sounds crazy.

2. Get the law involved.  Make a report of threats (to you), and verbal abuse to your child.  Get a restraining order.  Tell the police the same things you have told your lawyer/representation.  There probably won't be any trouble at all with a restraining order.  Make sure your son knows NOT to go with his father unless he tells you first.

3. Yes, get your son some help, and get yourself some help, too.  (It astounds me that a man who threatens you, scares your child, abducts your child, and scares you both could make YOU feel guilty.  The man sounds awful, and HE needs to feel guilty---not you).  It would probably do a lot of good for both of you to see some kind of couselor/therapist.  Supplement that with the your son seeing the school counselor as well.  Reassure him always that you love him, and that you guys will figure this out together.  From what you write he sounds terrified, and you do, too.  You need to feel empowered and strong.  Don't take anymore of this man's c**p---but don't directly confront him either.  He sounds unstable.

4. Inform your family, friends, and your son's school, of the situation.  Make sure they are aware that this ex of yours is threatening/agressive and has been known to take your son without your knowledge or permission.  Let them know that it is unacceptable for your son to go with his dad unless you are informed.  This is not being nosy, rude, or violating your ex's rights---it is common sense and it is the law!

5.   Think about getting some home secuirty.  New locks on the doors, and alarm system, etc.  I don't want to worry you, I really don't, but your ex's behavior sounds agressive and violent.  You want you and your son to feel as safe as possible.

I hope I have helped you at least a little, and I hpe you and your son get the help you need!  Personally, based on your question, it sounds like what you and your son need most, is this man out of your lives!

Good luck, and best wishes to you.

Answer 7

I think its worth getting your son some counselling. He's been through alot and it sounds like he could be showing signs of anxiety. Also try talking to him about how he's feeling and what is worrying him.

Don'tt feel guilty. It sounds like you have done the best for him and your ex has alot to answer for