Does the responsibility of parenting only fall on the mothers?

Question

Another poster recently stated: "The number one priority of a mother is her CHILDREN! They didn't ask to be here and a two year old could care less if your feeling fulfilled. They don't care if you feel trapped or bored at home, they just want their mom."

However, why must it be the MOTHER who stays at home? Is not the father also involved in parenting? Do you think the responsibility falls too much on mothers and too little on fathers? Or does society seem to say its natural for a father to take little part in child rearing? And if so, where does that leave the father? Shouldn't he be just as important in child rearing?

**Using the quote from the poster is in no way to put down said poster or to belittle their opinion.

Answer 1

Parenting should be 50/50. Maternity/paternity laws should be equal so (i) both parents can spend some time with their newborn, (ii) neither has to deal with the monotony of being a stay at home parent all the time (if they don't want to), and (iii) women of child bearing age aren't discriminated against in the job application process. This doesn't mean that every couple should follow this but that the opportunity for flexibility is there.

Funny how some of the 'equalists' here don't want equality when it comes to parenting but want equality when it comes to custody!

Society needs to go forwards not backwards. Lots of women want to work. Those women should also be able to have children. Get over it. Creative and constructive ideas are what is needed, not this continuous whining about how things were better in the olden days. They weren't.

Eoghan - most women and men I have spoken to about this agree with my proposals. Even my father, who belongs to a different generation. It's not a minority. (At least not a minority of professional people.) And giving people choice doesn't mean they're forced into making a different decision. I really can't see why you find this so threatening, unless you actually want women to continue to be discriminated against and oppressed.

Like I said having the choice would not hurt anyone. It would benefit those couples in which the woman is the higher earner. It would benefit those couples in which both parents want to spend some time with their newborn. It would benefit those couples where the woman cannot afford to take maternity leave. It would benefit those couples where a woman has a caesarean and needs someone to look after her. It would not hurt those couples that wish to have the traditional set up. Several countries have equal, or more equal, parental leave - Canada, Iceland, Norway, Sweden and even Italy.

"Long periods of leave are fine for expendable employees there will always be temps but not for the self reliant or leaders."

Precisely - which is why there should be flexibility as to who is the primary caregiver.

And yes, of course parenting is not a Monday to Friday daytime job. But it's pretty hard to have a full-time job outside of these hours, unless you're a stripper or something.

Answer 2

That's a very good questions because it doesn't address psychological needs of children needing their father's attention and approval as much as their mother's.  It's not an either/or equation.  It's a "both parents" equation where parents need to learn to share the load.

That being said, in today's world, most women end up with the primary role of childrencare.   It's due to many, many reasons which we probably all know.  However in my neighborhood there are several stay-at-home dads.  One of the local dads was even president of the PTA while his wife was earning a fortune at an investment bank.  I think it's great for boys and girls to see that their futures hold choices.

Answer 3

I've noticed that also. A lot of people seem to feel that as long as a man provides an income, doles out the discipline, and makes the decisions for the family, then he's fulfilling his duties as a father. It doesn't matter if he is largely uninvolved with the children and knows little or nothing about their day-to-day lives. Just as long as he provides that income, then he's considered to be a great father. No wonder he's considered to be the disposable parent.

Answer 4

To the simple question of "Does the responsibility of parenting only fall on the mothers"?  The answer is no, not at all.

Circumstances dictate a great deal as to who the primary care taker is for the children.  

My husband and I were able to choose different work shifts so that the children did not have to be with a sitter and had time with both parents.  Of course, we sacrificed time together in order to accomplish that and the eventual failure of the marriage could have been at least, in part, a result of that lack of time together.

One of my daughter in laws is a stay at home mom.  Her husband is in the military and has served two tours in Iraq.  So obviously mom is primary care taker and her being able to stay home does help in the adjustment for their child to having one parent gone for long periods of time.

My daughter is a full time professional.  Either I or their aunt care for them while their parents work (I only work part time as an adjunct instructor during the college semesters).  Mom and Dad devote their off time to doing things with the children and spending time together as a family.

So there are many ways the children are cared for.  The main thing is that they feel wanted and loved by both parents and when possible, by extended family.

Answer 5

Up until the divorce only --then the child is the property of the father - if he so chooses and in no instance should he have to pay child support- especially if she has a new boyfriend.   Did I get all of that right from this weeks posts? (sarcasm......)

That poster also has serious issues with other women who are happy with their chosen path.   I think she wants others to be as miserable as she is......

Katy - take what he says with a grain of salt - he is living proof that all men are not better than women at math and science, nor good at SLS.

Answer 6

Take it up with biology and mother nature.

Thats how it is. It's been proven that theres a chemical in breast milk that makes the baby automatically bond with the mother. Thats what nature intended. Thats why men don't have breast milk or soft pleasent sounding voices or any other characteristic that appeals to a baby.

The man takes care of the woman and the woman takes care of the child.

Answer 7

Depends is he allowed any where near his children to even get to put into practice any concern for parenting?

If not, then I guess it does.

Answer 8

I'm not familiar with the other poster, but in my life it has often been pointed out to me that the number one priority of a father is his children.  The folks I've known in my 50some years pretty much all think kids ought to be the number one priority of both parents.  Whether they were fundamentalists who thought the mom ought to be home or whether they were two M.D.'s with a nanny.

I disagree with the implication that you have to stay home in order to make your kid a top priority, but then again I am guessing the average kid may do a little better in this or that way if they have a parent of either gender at home with them.  I would have loved it if, as sam wrote, I'd been able to take paternity leave.  (My job actually did let me take a couple weeks off, but that isn't enough, and most guys can't do that).

Answer 9

A two-year-old has no idea what fulfillment means, let alone care if their mother has it. But if my mom was depressed because she couldn't work, it would be bound to be taken out on me.

My father was always an active parent, even though he worked full-time when I was a toddler. My parents have done a good job of trading off.

Answer 10

Tiger's answer is right. a lot of fathers would love to be there with their kids and help take care of them. but sad to say a LOT of father's are pushed out of their life. sad when the father has to fight sometimes for years just to see his kids

But YES both a Mother & Father should do this and help each other. God Bless

BTW my daughters dad may see her anytime he wants. just wanted to post that little bit of info.

Would love to have a loving husband by my side but I don't have one sorry. but my daughter is MY main concern do you think she will be happy living on the streets? I have to work. sorry if i offend anyone. but my child is well taken care of thank you very much. better then i was with TWO parents.

Answer 11

Takes two to get pg and takes 2 to raise a child so a  the Dad is very  important  to help his child be balanced and healthy.

Answer 12

From a feminists point of view the most well rounded children are those who are parented equally by parents who model a relationship based on respect and mutuality.  It really doesn't matter what parent stays at home.  The quality of the time spent together is far more important than the quantity.

Answer 13

Because women are programmed by nature to look after children, if we weren't the species would not survive.

There may be men who want to be full-time caregivers, but I would think very few compared to the number of women who are likely to want to take on this role.

But as far as I can make out, very few women nowadays want to be at home with their children, they prefer being out at work.  However, the children still have to be looked after by someone, and it appears that in most cases it is still women doing this job.  provided there is still a supply of women willing to look after other women's children while they work, then all is well.  What happens if the supply of available women to do this dries up I don't know.

Answer 14

It shouldn't rely solely on the mother..but it many cases, this seems to be true.  The mother and father should share parenting responsibilities.  More often than not, the mother is cooking the meals, cleaning the house, dressing the child, washing the child, preparing school lunches, laundry, taking the child to Dr.'s appointments....and the list goes on.  In my case, I do all of these things AND work outside the home.

My husband really needs a kick in the a$$.

Cheers&Peace

Answer 15

Nature is designed for women to care for infants. Psychological studies show that babies need their mothers, and mothers need their babies. Of course fathers care about their child, but there isn't the same kind of connection as the mother and the child have. The only way the mother doesn't want to be around their child is if they are mentally unhealthy.

Fathers do child rear, but not in the same sense that mothers do. Fathers provide discipline. You are not noticing the biological differences and how these differences are interpreted.

Answer 16

Fathers can look after children of course but sorry, this social construct thing you guys need, its mostly bollox you know?

Its mothers who choose and want to stay at home with their kids, and its men who want to be out taking risks.10% of us are exceptions to the rule, but that doesn't mean the world has to change to suit the 10% or that the 90% just need re-socialisation or re education, thats where feminism goes wrong.

Its not society saying it, its men and women voting with their feet and following their biological urges.

And fathers are involved in parenting, honor and control of emotions/aggression comes from the father.

Am I getting this right, you only value the fathers contribution if he is filling the traditional female role?

The sooner feminism is exposed as the hatefull divisive ideology it is the better.

EDIT And just to add, the father will often come home and take over, he baths and puts the child down and gets up during the night, you are being dishonest by pretending that in a traditional set up a father does no parenting, what about the weekends? Thats what I did anyway, she had a eight or ten hour shift mid week and was free to do what she wanted the rest of the time.

Sam, you miss the point the MAJORITY of women prefare to be at home with their kids, there may well be a minority of nutters who believe in equal out come but they are wrong to suggest how other people should arrange their parenting. the only people contesting the right to choose are people like you and Fereshte, you may think that it should be done your way but ultimatily the majority will try to follow their natural instincts. Its just unfortunate that many no longer can afford that luxery in our both componants earning economy.

EDIT #2 No Sam, you've missed the point again, the question implies that a father is not involved in parenting unless he is not working, this is in my opinoin dishonest as a working father will oft take over whenever he is home, I know for a fact that hour for hour I did more parenting than my daughters mother and have seen this in a number of friends marriages. Another point is that the majority of women prefare the trad. set up, I couldn't care less which componant works or stays at home myself, I'm am just acknowleging facts,  Its all very well for the 10% who have different biology and are less nurturing to do things their own way but trying to tell the masses who are clearly voting with their feet that they are wrong is pure arrogance.

And you are wrong when you say the choice is not being taken away. It is, the choice is there only for those who can afford it, and as we face possible depression and most likley stagflation, life is going to get very tough for the masses. The masses are in trouble because the econmy has adapted to the feminist idea of both components working, it takes 2 wages now sustain one family.

Fine Sam but you are still pretending that parenting only takes place between 8am and 6pm monday to friday. If you are honest and factor in a dad who takes over parenting at the weekends and mid between 6pm and 8am midweek and you points are weakened considerably. We are talking about parenting here, not employment.

Long periods of leave are fine for expendable employees  there will always be temps but not for the self reliant or leaders.

Answer 17

As a matter of fact, way too much of the responsibility DOES fall to the mother -- unfortunately.

I had a colleague who had to fight to stay home with his kids and have his job back (a right that at the time had been granted only to women).

Our society, also very unfortunately, makes it nearly impossible for families to exist. They need at least 2, if not more full time jobs (or high-powered jobs that take 80 hours/week, plus several hours commute each day), to house, feed, and clothe their young and themselves. Blaming women for this is insane.

It's also absurd to assume that all women are a perfect match for staying home, and that no men are. Women have as much intelligence, talent, and interest in a variety of things as men. Saying that none should be allowed to have children unless they're willing to give up everything else is just wrong.

Answer 18

Okay, I'm getting married soon ... and in marriage class I learned that an important part of father hood is to separate the child from it's mother.  At first, I was miffed, and though this was a hurtful thing for a fatherly thing ( I love my daddy) ... but after sitting with this thought ... it is good for childreen to grow and develope.   Mothers can only teach what they know.  Therefore, it is good to have separation of the child from the mother ...

I guess historically, the separation started around 5 years ... (which is when kindergarden starts) ... and then the father traditionally educated the child till they were 10 year old ... then private/public schooling.

Anyways, men are so important to the development of childreen.

Answer 19

Im very old fashioned in this regard, but i agree with the poster:

The number one priority for the mother is her children and the number one priority for the father is his family.

I appologize to all of the women in here who don't want or need a loving husband who takes care of you

(but to answer your question, No parenting is not only the mother's responsibility)

Answer 20

Yes you are right.  A lot of good men/fathers want to.  We have to spend our $$ just to have child visitation enforced.  It's easy to financially "grind" down a father this way.  The Court system and bitter, hateful ex-wives push us away.  

My son lives far away.  My ex-wife makes it very difficult for me to talk to my son.  Most of the time I call, she doesn't answer or even call me back (to put my son on the phone.)

Answer 21

Mike T - If mothers bond with their child through breast milk, what about all the mothers that cant breastfeed? does that mean they arent bonded with their baby?

Edit: Mike T. My mum and dad are the same to me always have been because my dad had a job where he spent a lot of time at home with me. Not many people have that so it might be hard to undertsand it.