Does the ring make the engagement?

Question

my fiance and i have been together for almost two years, and we're getting married this christmas eve. because moving in together is financially straining enough and we don't make a lot at our jobs we've decided to forgo an engagement ring, a wedding band, and a wedding for now. however we just got wedding band tattoos and he gave me his grandmothers ring (it is real diamonds and rubies). when i told my grandmother all of this (i thought she was ok to talk to) it spread like wildfire and now everyone treats us and our relationship as if we're children. my grandmother even had the nerve to say, "if you don't even have an engagement ring, you're not engaged."

well excuse me, but i was under the impression when a guy asks you to be his wife and you say yes, you're engaged.

so what if we're making smart financial decisions and putting things off for a bit. does that make it invalid? we're still having a get together at a nice restaurant to celebrate the wedding. does anyone agree?

Answer 1

completely agree with you..thats what me and my husband did..were holding off on the rings and the party...but we got married at court. as long as you both agreed..thats all tht matters. lol we were thinkin of doin that ring tattoo too...its jus so cute. best of wishes to both of u btw!

Answer 2

Sorry bud no ring, no engagement,  It does not have to be a diamond solitare but it does have to be a ring.  Your grandmother is right  no ring you are not really engaged.

Answer 3

the ring doesn't make the engagement.

I agree with you completely, youre making VERY smart decisions, congratulations on your engagement, and have a nice life together :]

although i still think marriage is pointless...love is love..

Answer 4

What really matters is that you two love each other. Don't let other people tell you what your marriage should be. A ring is only a symbol that has been overused in my opinion. Although, a diamond is something almost every girl hopes for, it is not necessary. Maybe sometime in the future you will be able to afford something beautiful. In the mean time, don't worry about it. All that matters is that you love each other. Good luck!

Answer 5

I agree with you but I've also experienced this....I was committed with my fiance before we were technically "engaged". But once he gave me the ring his family accepted that we were engaged.

Answer 6

I agree with you completely! Making the right decisions financially will really help you both in the long run. After all,  The number one reason for divorce in the U.S. is due to finance problems. Good luck

Answer 7

yea, ur engaged. even before i read the whole story, i was like well not everone has enough money to afford an engagement ring...shes probably just thinking that because shes from a different era then you. so really, dont worry about it, im sure that he'll get you your ring as soon as he can.

Answer 8

I think you are pretty wise. Of course you are engaged once he asks you to marry him and you accept! Rings don't every have to be exchanged if you don't want to. Years ago during the depression or during either world war people didn't have money for that kind of thing. All that is required is love and commitment.

All the best.

Answer 9

hi ... ... i dont think you doing a wr0ng thing infact i guess its a really g00d idea .. that you and your fiance discussed and got a way to solve the pr0blem ..instead of getting into the trouble ..

and ya ... the ring does it all ... because its a typical family trend to give a ring to their upcoming bride and all...

and part about your grandma ... i guess ... if you think of her side then you will realize how she felt..and thats why she told every0ne .... ...

h0pe my answer made some senses ...and would help...

tak care

Answer 10

not necessarily... If he asks and you say yes it does

Answer Mine Please:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 11

You could always remind your Grandmother that "back in her day" the size of the ring was basically a receipt just saying how much she sold her life for.

Answer 12

you are engaged if  your boyfriend gave you his grandmother's ring should make you proud that his family likes you.you should keep planing for the big day good luck to the both of you

Answer 13

The ring DOES NOT make the engagement. An engagement is a verbal and emotional commitment that you make to eachother, a ring is only a tangible symbol of that commitment. I think your family should be so happy that you are being responsible adults and not living beyond your means and putting yourself in MORE debt just to get wrapped up in what society says an engagement is all about. Good for you and your fiance for making those smart financial decisions and being responsible growns ups!! I just dont understand why your family doesnt see it that way???

Answer 14

At least go buy a ring at the dollar store!  I think that the problem is that he did not buy the ring himself.

Answer 15

I agree.  Live in love and not by others judgement, but try to respect your family members advice as well.

Answer 16

Your love does. As long as you love each other that is all that matters. My parents were poor so they just got married without a ring until they could buy one and they both love each other. Btw hope you two are happy together

Answer 17

I think that as long as two people love one another and accept the vows marriage offers, a ring isn't that important. Love is unconditional! Ring's is man made and can be purchased at any time whereas love is rare and when you find it you have to hold on to it.

Answer 18

Not having a ring does NOT make it invalid.

However your grandmother is of a different time, where yes the ring meant the official engagement, the proof to the world that is was official. However with the way things are these days with jobs being tough to get and money being tight a lot of people are opting for no engagement rings.

This however does not mean you are no engaged.

Take her words with a grain of salt and try to be adult enough to understand she is from a different time. Ignore what everyone else says. you are making a wise financial choice.

Answer 19

You are correct...when he asked and you said yes..you are engaged.  Being engaged means you both made the decision to marry.

Answer 20

all u have to do is go down to the local justice of peace and bam! u could be married. a ring doesn't mean anything. its just a stereotypical symbol of marriage. its just expected. u could always buy a single sterling silver band for each other. available at walmart for like $15-20 each.

Answer 21

Honestly, I agree with your grandmother. I'm sure your boyfriend can afford a small ring to put on your finger that the two of you can upgrade later when your financial situations are in order (speaking of which, do you really think it's a good idea to start off a married life with financial problems?)

Just my opinion (remember, you asked for it)

Answer 22

The ring is only a symbolism. It doesn't mean you aren't engaged without one. I would consider you engaged. Even though you don't have a ring, you are making plans to get married. Hence, you are engaged to be married (with or without a ring)

Answer 23

Just because you don't have a ring doesn't mean your not engaged. Please! I asked my husband to marry me, he still doesn't have a ring, lol!

Answer 24

I agree with you!!!!!

Look at the people who had rings and it did not work.  Youcould not have a better ring than his Gtandmas ring anyway.  Just let them go.  do not let them ruin your plans.  Live your life like the 2 of you want and be happy.  Best of luck!!!

Answer 25

You're doing the sensible thing. A ring is just a symbol of your love and intention, but obviously you can have the same love, and intention to get married without a piece of jewellery.

Sounds like your grandmother is being very passive aggressive in trying to show you that she disapproves. She's obviously very set in her ways and there's no point in arguing with her. Just prove her wrong by getting married to the man you love.

Answer 26

Your Gran sounds quite unpleasant!

You have an exceptional and meaningful ring ring so what on earth is the problem?

You HAVE a really meaningful engagement ring? Your fiance's Gran's!

Rings have nothing to do with it though, it's your commitment together that means something. And giving his Gran's ring means far more than buying the world's biggest diamond.

Why do you care what this unpleasant sounding old hag thinks?

Sounds like you are both OK to me!

Answer 27

Sounds like you're not traditional anyway - but don't fault your grandmother. It's common to officially be engaged when there is a ring and a date set. It's not about the bling, it's about the engagement ring being symbolic of betrothal. Not everyone has an engagement ring...

However, sounds like things are moving on for you - good luck with everything!

Answer 28

I do not think you need an engagement ring per se but you got tattoos and that was not financially straining? could of gotten a ring cheaper plain sliver bands 20 bucks plain gold bands 40 or so each.  grandmas ring sounds nice though. you want to start your life together right. you need a wedding band to seal the deal. not only symbolizes you are married for each other but also to others.

and your grandma does not consider his grandmas ring an engagement ring.... guess she is not passing down her jewelry when she passes away huh lol

Answer 29

yes definetely

Answer 30

I think it sounds like you're doing the right thing and being financially responsible. The ring is not the engagement. The symbol is not the symbolized. The engagement is the engagement.

Answer 31

I agree with you - your grandmother is wrong.  And how lovely that he gave you his grandmother's ring, too!  Anyway, not everyone has an engagement ring because not everyone can afford one.  There was a time (I can't remember how long ago) when no one had engagement rings - just the wedding rings.  It's all stuff that started when DeBeers diamonds wanted to make a profit back in the 1920's - not stuff you have to take seriously when you are making the best decision for your relationship and your future.  You are 100% correct!!!  Granny, shush!