Does this amp up the action at all?

Question

Gun Shy Kisses-(+)-

#7

Turning a corner

she followed

Down an alley

she went…

a Dead end

she stopped behind me

“Are you Charlotte?”

“Are you important enough to know?”

Her face,

unchanged, darkened

as she said

“You will not touch Kay…

She’s mine!”

-This one was hard for me to write… I didn’t know how to get the action going after the last one and I didn’t want to go into more little details at this point… I wanted to get to the meet before people lost interest. How did I do? This one will be easier to follow for me… I have more of a plan for the next chapter in this saga of a Seeker (meaning assassin in this world)…

Blessed Be in Dark Meetings with Feuding Assassins, Siren

Answer 1

yes.

Answer 2

I just saw this on the Yahoo! Answers homepage and then I HAD to read the first ones. You are an amazing writer!! I love love love it!! Keep up the good work!!

Answer 3

Next  !!!  Cheers !!

Answer 4

So...there are two seekers after one mark.  That is ,indeed, intriguing. Why does either one want this prey dead?  Are we ever to know? I must read on... Thank you.

Answer 5

Nice twist and I like the "Are you important enough to know"

Here are some changes below. Use what works ignore the rest:

Turning a corner

she followed

Down an alley

which came to

a Dead end

a voice behind me

“Are you Charlotte?”

“Are you important enough to know?”

Her face,

darkened

as she said

“You will not touch Kay…

She’s mine!”

It seems to be picking up to me...keep it up.

Answer 6

the whole series is wonderfulll.

i just read all of them.

could you answer my ? plz

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 7

Yes, this amps up the action, and now I wonder what they assassin's are feuding over. The seduction of Kay, or the killing of Kay. I'm theoretically on the edge of my seat. I do love Charlotte's very brassy question. "Are you important enough to know?" That was excellent.

Answer 8

duh. of course. yes.

can you please answer mine? i'll love u for ever and ever!:

http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...