A few months ago my husband got sole legal and physical custody of his 3 yr old daughter. The mother does have visitation at my husbands say. The mother moved 14 hours away with her newborn son and for the first month the mother and child communicated on the phone almost on a daily basis. About a month ago, the mother stopped answering and returning the childs phone calls. Last night, the mother decided to call and talk to her child.
This child has gone through so much. First she had to deal with mommy leaving, then she had to deal with mommy not talking to her anymore. She was acting out at home and at daycare. She would wake up at night crying asking why mommy left her, and why mommy doesnt love her. My husband and I tell the child that mommy is on vacation and we don't know when she'll be back. The child will constantly ask me if I'm her mommy, or if she can call me mommy. I tell her that "No, I'm not mommy." I also tell her that if she WANTS to call me mommy she can, but if not call me by my name.
Before my husband got sole custody he had full custody and a visitation schedule set up through the court. The mother seldom obeyed the court order and then she just moved out of state one day. My husband wants the child to have a relationship/contact with her mother, and I agree too. This is not my biological child, this is my step child so I am well aware that I have no say in this matter. I personally don't see if there is any benefit to this type of commuication with the child at this point. If there was a constant daily communication then I see no problem, but with this not talking for weeks at a time I don't see how it's best for the child.
The child got off the phone last night and just cried her eyes out. She wanted to know why mommy was being mean to her, and why mommy left her but took her brother away. She started hitting her stuffed animals and throwing her toys. I think it does more emotional damage under the circumstances. It's very traumatic for her right now.
Do you think this type of communication is appropriate right now? How can we help to console the child? Like I said I'm not her parent, I'm just looking for input and advice on people who have been in a situtation like this or know of someone who has.
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