Does this have potential?

Question

on Sunday comma

August one zero

reality ambushed me with a horrendous blow

you came so stealthily

slitting

my throat

and lynched my soul

the seed inside of me

assimilated into a barren foal

Answer 1

Punctuation and grammar is key if you want to be understood.

Talk to a teacher or fellow poets on a respectable forum if you want better feed back.

In reading this, I don't clearly understand the theme or story of this poem.

I'll have to analyze it in depth when I have the time. :)

It does have potential. Everything does. ^_^

Answer 2

sure does, its much more creative than the rest of the childish rhyming stuff people post here.  there's a ton of feeling behind this. and i think you did a great job with the enjambment. i'm guessing you mean today, august tenth but "august one zero" is kind of confusing maybe something that sounds more like a date and less like a score. the last line is the only thing that stumps me.  the seed inside you is an infertile baby horse? that doesn't make sense to me