Does this make sense? ?

Question

I have to write about an Olympic sport. Here is my opening paragraph/sentence.

"Aquatics include many sub-categories such as water polo, synchronised swimming, 10km open water swim, swimming, relay and many more."

Does that make sense? Also, i don't know what to add, it seems a little too short to be a paragraph...i have been given ideas to write one paragraph about what i see, one about what can be heard, smelt, tasted, and touched/felt.

Thanks.

Answer 1

Swimming events and water polo are not classed as Athletics.  They come under Swimming.

Answer 2

It does need another sentence in front, but never start with "I have chosen to write about..."

try something like this...

Aquatics are among most popular and most watched sports in the Olympic games. It icludes many sub-categories such as water polo, synchronised swimming, 10km open water swim, swimming, diving, and relay to name a few. The multitude of events provide each individual the opportunity to enjoy thier own style of entertainment...

then you could describe some of the categories and what is enjoyable about them...hope this helps

Answer 3

Well, I was told in one of my English class to start out something broad and then narrow it to something more specific.  So I would start with

-How Olympics is an international sports which bring all the people together from different backgrounds, culture and languages.

-No matter what games one's in but it required dedication, commitment and hard work to get there.

-How each sports are unique and to each athletes it is a life changing experience.  

-Then you can bring it to your water sports as your main focus.  

Answer 4

mix it up a little to many swims close to each other

Answer 5

I think you need an opening sentence in there in front of what you have put, something like:

"I have chosen to write about ........ because I am interested in the ......."

Answer 6

Debs double she wrote Aquatics please pay attention.

Olympics sports include swimming and the like, water polo is a team game with goals at each end of the pool,and so on you go

Answer 7

Yeh i agree with the above person. It's a good sentance and makes sense, but shouldnt be the opening sentance. It's too much too soon!

Why don't you big up the olympics or aquatics first. Say something like... "The olympics, one of the greatest sporting events on the planet".. is coming to london in 2012... or has just finished in Beijing... or whatever. Then do some research, see how many events there are, and say something like "with over 40 events (thats just a made up number, but look it up), aquatics to me, is one of the most exciting"

Then go in to what you have said. Instead of ending your sentance with "...relay and many more" why dont you end it with "...simming and relay, to name a few"

Then go into detail about each event, using all the senses like you've mentioned.. like the splash of the water when you swim, the noise of the crowd everytime you come out of the water, the taste of the water, touching the wall when you've just finished a relay etc etc

Good luck :)