Does this one move you in a poetical direction?

Question

I climbed the stem of a rose

To the center of love and danced.

The music was lovely.

A hummingbird conducted a surreal orchestra,

Which included a percussion section

Made of mushrooms and turtles.

The quills of a million porcupines

Became xylophones.

The bells of a tulip field,

Made for extraordinary horns,

While the calls of larks were splendid oboes.

The synchronizing of a waterfall,

Served as cymbals.

I felt like a trespasser,

In the Valley of Musicians Souls.....

So I woke up and practiced.

Answer 1

I have seen that valley, and a similar orchestra, did you see the bluebells tinkling their melodious notes, and the high shrill tones of the daffodil horns?  The um pa pa sounds from the bird of paradise blooms, the drumming of the cattails on the heads of giant mushrooms, The sweet sounds of the violins and cellos coming from the legs of crickets and grasshoppers, the soundss of a pipe organ coming from the giant water lily, with the frog pushing the petals to create a beautiful melody.  I think I may have had a glimpse of heaven, and wasn't sure I wanted to awaken.  Thank you for that great poem.

Answer 2

This is an explosive, musical piece.  Yet gentle.  I enjoyed the phrasing and the theme of an orchestra composed of nature.  This is a wonderful poem.  Well done.

Answer 3

Yes it does.

The orchestra of nature is lovely indeed!

GREAT POEM!

Answer 4

Oh my goodness, this is exquisite!  I was enchanted from the very first two lines.  The poems just sings and dances with life and love.  I think this must have come to you in a dream, or else your muse is fanciful today.  It is so otherworldly and whimsical.  I must say, I really love this poem.  Thank you.

Answer 5

What this did for me, was capture love in full bloom!! In all of it's glory...

Thanks Semper Fi, this was a delight-full read indeed.

Temari

Answer 6

Yes it did move me, hopefully it will give my block the shove it needs!  Thanks for the whimsical poem , just what the doctor ordered!!    Cheers!!!

Answer 7

I loved it - the visuals were quite original and pleasing - great, joyful "candy" for the soul. Thank you for an uplifting picture to start my day.  Wish my dreams could be as entertaining ♥

Answer 8

Fabulous imagery.  Some suggestions if I may: do you need "surreal" as it becomes obvious later and flow wise caused me to stumble.  Maybe just "the".  Line 7 needs more transitioning how about "while" the quills...?  Likewise for Line 9: "and" the bells....  Line 11 "were splendid"?  Maybe just a two syllable word like "haunting" for example.  Line 12- "synchronizing" ?  Maybe something like "and the waterfalls booming cresendos, served as cymbals."   Your last line also did not flow as well.  Perhaps. "so I awoke and began to practice."  As always, these are just my suggestions so take them for what they are worth.  This is a great poem with wonderful imagery.  Compliments.

Answer 9

Very interesting!

Answer 10

Oh, wonderful! I liked it very much.... and I don't like free verse.

My only suggestions would be to call the quills of the porcupines whatever the actual name of those things on the xylophone are... you know, the actual part you hit to make noise.

I think "synchronizing of a waterfall" doesn't quite sound parsed correctly... what's it being sync'd with? My suggestion would be to either specify what its being sync'd with, or gently rephrase it.

And if it's not being too quibbly, "which included a percussion section..." might be rewritten as well... maybe the hummingbird urged on the percussion section, or flew by it, or over it, or music came from the percussion section (beats, tangos, raggas, whatever). Do you see what I'm saying? I'm trying to urge you towards phrasing it a little more evocatively.

Thank you, though. I do need to practice. =)

Saul

Answer 11

To dream a fairy tale, how enchanting, my dreams are never that fanciful, Kudos!

Answer 12

"Hi!",

Nature sings it's harmonic tunes at it's best.

WELL DONE! : )