Does this qualify as a poem?

Question

Feel free to dive in and improve it/change it - what you will.

I'm a stranger in a strange land.

Daliesque and bizarre.

Who are these people?

Blackness weighs heavily

I struggle through, pushing back the drapes.

The scene fluctuates.

First clear, then as if peering through gauze

I pause

Look around.

What am I doing here?

Where are they?

Thank God, here's John.

(but, with a different face)

Still he can be my first son.

'Hold that thought'

It gives me peace.

Take my hand,

We're strangers in a strange land.

We've many miles to go.

Behind is unspecified terror

I must stay alert,

absolutely no room for error.

Get on the train, pushing and shoving.

Where are they?

Thank God - they're here.

Come children, stay close.

At last we're safe.

Don't look back.

Strange, something isn't right.

This train's on the wrong track.

We must get off,

Hold each other's hand

Don't let go

We're strangers in a strange land.

Darkness presses down on me

I struggle to break free.

My brain strains to understand

unreality.

I close my eyes in fearful dread,

open them again.

Thank God....I'm in bed.

(This is my recurring dream).

Answer 1

I've never heard a dream described so perfectly.  You made me feel as though I were dreaming it with you.   I could literally feel the tension and relief as I read. You did such a great job of conveying the very essence of a dream that I knew it right away.  It is most definitely a poem...Excellent work.

Answer 2

My recurring dreams are usually not so lovely as yours as they tend to be concerned with war, so yours is well done and although a frightening experience, it comes to a good conclusion.

Answer 3

Yes it qualifies as a poem, and a Freudian, psychoanalytic dream.

I've come to believe that dreams are antonyms of warnings. So if your house is flooded in a dream, check for faulty wiring.

This dream would mean then that you're not going to get on a train (you're not going anywhere) and therefore you're on the right track. I think.

Answer 4

Well if you don't come

I've got to go looking

God,,,,, for happiness,,,,, happiness,,,,,,

Answer 5

Yes, this is most definitely a poem! Such vivid imagery, I was right there in your dream. I also have a recurring dream, I often wonder what makes us have the same dream multiple times. It always makes me feel odd when I wake up, as if I just spent some time in another world...sometimes it feels so real.

Answer 6

Yes that is certainly poetry, strange dream though. There again i've had some very weird ones lately

Answer 7

Yes. I think so.

Answer 8

In dream interpretation - a train is symbolic of your life's journey. You feel you should do things in an orderly and sequential manner. The feeling of being on a different track is just a pre-awakening stage of dreaming - getting you set to wake up ♥

Answer 9

When I read this I understood it so perfectly.

Different dream Different bed but same clammy feeling.

When I have dreams such as this I have to work through them

or they continue to recur until I figure them out.

They are not happy dreams

muted screams

I want

them

gone.

Answer 10

Your heart was speaking from the first dot to the last.And when the reader wouldn't let go until the last line, as I did, then it is a poem.It is a reminder of our greatest fears and concerns nowadays. I like it. Well put.

Answer 11

Yes it does.

Answer 12

Quite a break from your typical offerings, but very good. You brought me along in your descriptions.  Less I's and the's etc. is all I would offer as a critique.  My compliments.  Now go take a sleeping pill!

Answer 13

I agree with answerers 1, 2, 5, 7, 9 and anyone who answers after me.

Answer 14

I think this works brilliantly as a poem. I sad b4 and I will say again, you are just getting better and better

Answer 15

Yes, that it was a dream was obvious from almost the beginning. I also have a recurring dream when I am under stress.

The dreams of poets are in the public domain when they are expressed in such fashion. And finally, your many references to art and to other writers and poets is a relief to the soul.