Does this sound fair? ?

Question

This is our situation. When I told my boyfriend that I was pregnant, he didn't want anything to do with me or the baby and he was very clear about it, so for the last 5 1/2 months, I have been taking care of everything on my own. About a week ago, he came to my house pleading to get me back and to be in the child's life. (I'm 30 weeks pregnant so no baby yet.) I don't want to have any type of relationship with him, but when it comes to him and his daughter, that's fine with me. However he is not the best role model. His life is all about football and friends, and it is still like that!

What we decided on was he can spend time with her, but I will be with them during the spending time. I just don't believe that he will stay like this. His life is sports sports sports! He gets into trouble a lot. I don't even know how he is still on the football team.

Anyways, is this fair for our daughter? For him?

Answer 1

Sounds fair.  My ex doesn't help out financially with anything, and bailed on us before when I was working and needed him to watch my daughter when the regular sitter couldn't.  He is older than your bf, but still very irresponsible and immature, always has been and always will be.  If he wants to come visit my daughter, I set the rules.  He comes to my house to visit her, where I can be there and supervise.  He is also a bad role model, I would not trust my daughter in his care at his own house.  This way daddy and daughter get to see each other, but in a controlled environment.  I don't see much wrong with it.

Answer 2

I think that giving him a chance to be in his daughters life is a good think.. However I also believe he should only get one shot at this. If there is ever a no call no show on a visit day then no more. Your daughter needs stability in her life and having a father who pops in and out of her life is not stable and can cause emotional damage to her. I also would make sure that I was present during his visits to make sure that she is receiving the care that she needs..

Answer 3

he could have actually honestly changed his mind...  us guys do do that.  it was probably a big shock for him when you told him...

Answer 4

make sure you get everything written up and signed with a lawyer, and make him pay child support. I am guess you two are teenagers based on you talking about him being on a football team?  Whatever you do just make sure he's helping financially with his child, especially if you are giving him visiting rights.  

Answer 5

whats unfair is when a child has a child.it sounds to me like you two are still in high school ( i could be wrong ) it cuts your childhood short and makes it rough on the baby too. as far as him wanting to be in his daughters life, you dont have any right to keep him from it unless hes on drugs, or dangerous to have around her.

Answer 6

I think what you've decided to do is quite fair. You're not being paranoid, but still exercising caution. And you do have a right to considering he's flipped sides rather suddenly.

I guess you'll just find out over time whether or not he's really committed to having a child.

He might 'turn over a new leaf' (to use the good ol' enid blyton term:P), but he may also just continue on as he is.

It's really an unpredictable outcome, but rest assured that what you've chosen to do is a-okay. Good luck with the baby!

Answer 7

I think that it might be a bit too late to think that he is a poor role model.

If you won't feel comfortable with the baby by himself then he should get supervised visits.

You never know, maybe having a baby could straighten his life out. Whatever you do be careful.

Answer 8

Having already conceived this child, you are to be commended in deciding to give life to this child.

You say "he is not the best role model". Well, it seems as though it took TWO to conceive this out-of-wedlock child.

If he "gets into trouble a lot", then you should be quite careful ... but he is the father of the child. Maybe he can mature. Allow him that opportunity while also protecting the child.

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Maybe eventually the three of you can make a proper home. He does seem rather young, perhaps, if he is "still on the football team". Maybe still in high school?

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