Does this sound like an emotionally mature AP to you?

Question

In a comment to truly the sweetest adult adoptee I know, an AP said this:

"Pxxxxx, you really are a piece of work!

What would posses you to post that kind of trash?

Your birth mother is mentally ill (apple/tree??) and clearly was not in any position to raise you. Instead of growing up and recognize that you are carrying on like a silly ninny."

I mean that's an ANGRY AP, right? Don't they try to screen these angry types out nowadays? Or at least refer them to anger management classes?

Answer 1

In my experience, "emotionally mature AP" = oxymoron.  Readily admit tho' that I have seen the very worst of coercion in adoption.

Not true for some remarkable exceptional APs but generally seems to be the rule rather than the exception.  Infertility seems to send perfectly rational humans off the deep end of reason.

Answer 2

I get this image of someone jumping up and down screaming "I'M HAPPY I'M HAPPY DAMMIT I'M HAPPY" frothing at the mouth. "ADOPTION IS BEAUTIFUL, LOOK HOW HAPPY IT HAS MADE ME!!" As she waves the NCFA factbook in the air.

ETA: uh.... fetching? maybe YOU'RE new? Because your account is new, and you're asking sunny if she's new? hmmm...me thinks fetching is suzy in disguise.

Answer 3

Dear Sunny,

Most of the time, I actually feel a tinge of pity for people who feel the need to be so hostile as the one you refer to, but it does anger me that someone would purposefully try to hurt someone else. Especially when the target is someone like Poss. It think this kind of behavior is an indication of several issues boiling under the surface.

She (the person you are referencing) is, from what I gather, both adopted and an AP. I don't know if it is an overdose of Kool-aid, personal issues or if this person isn't just a troll. Then again, this person could truly just not care about others or really be so happy about adoption that it upsets them to know that there are people who take issue with any aspect of it.  In any case, I think it must be sad to have to live so hatefully; however, no matter what the reason for the nasty behavior, that level of rudeness is simply unacceptable, IMHO.

I wish that people could accept that adoption is a multi-faceted thing and have a little respect for one another and our different POVs so that we may become better educated and perhaps solve some of these issues for the future,

Answer 4

It needed to be said. Get over it and move on. This isn't your personal playground.

Answer 5

Maybe i'm out of it , but I thought she was an adoptee...

is she both?

I'm lost.

Fetching- I'm not in the business of calling people out, but this is to much.

Your first post here

"I gave up my daughter for adoption and thought I was doing a good thing but making sure he was in a good home with people who would take good care of him. But reading these people makes me think that maybe it was a big mistake. I didn't know that kids who got adopted were so angry."

You gave up a DAUGHTER and kept refering him as a HE!!!!

Answer 6

The pot calling the kettle black. Now how emotional mature is that?

Personal attacks are never okay.

But honestly Sunny in the past you have pointed out that adoptees suffer from mental illness more so then the general population. I also remember a post where you mentioned adoptees are more likely to be serial killers.

Spin doctor hmmmmm.

Answer 7

There's going to be people posting here trying to stir things up and attack people.  Like that person who posts everything incorrect about international adoptive parents.  

Let's not reinforce the behavior by giving it more attention, Sunny. =D

ETA: I don't mind that she doesn't hate adoption.  But I don't like the insults and attacks.  A person can state their opinion in a respectful manner and can be responded to in a like manner. People can disagree and still be civil.

Answer 8

It doesn't shock me. I think any Ap or agency rep insulting an adoptee is just wrong and yes, immature.  They do it because they think it empowers them as well as keeping adoptive parents in the "moral" role. God forbid anyone speaks out about the dark side. Adoptees need to be kept under control and compliant.

Look at how many adopted/ foster kids have been called or written off as liars or thieves even over a little food. Sick and sad.  

Answer 9

Sounds alot more mature than you.

Sure, it's not cool to insult, but you've done WAY more of that than that poster (whoever she is) could ever DREAM of

Grapesgum= saying no APs are emotionally mature? Sheesh, you're as bad as Sunny.... Get over yourself.. Get some counselling, PLEASE

Answer 10

Dang, I must have missed something.  

Answer 11

The lack of respect for other human beings and their opinions shows a lack of maturity and acceptance.  Such condescending, manipulative, angry, judgmental talk is not something that I would want to see coming from an adoptive parent, or any parent.

Answer 12

You know, I went back and read the question and all the answers that we're given with that statement, I think that if I'm going to get upset every time someone insults in this category, I'm going to be very frustrated people! What was said was not nice, and the added information that Pxxxxx added was also not nice! Both were VERY hurtful! People should be tolerant of others points of view, you don't have to LOVE or HATE all adoption! However, there has to be some good examples of adoption!

I wonder what percentage of adoptees are actually happy? Now that's a question I would like an answer to!  

Answer 13

Dear Sunny,

NO!

I caught that statement and reported it for insulting another member.  If i report you, I'll tell you.  REPORTED, SS.

Obviously the screening process is not stringent enough.  I agree that is a very angry and insulting statement.

Answer 14

Everything she has written has matched with my experience - and the attacks on her have gotten really ridiculous. I had hoped that people here would be open minded and have an exchange of ideas but the bullying is just sad.

Why are you so threatened by someone who doesn't hate adoption? The way you people act is really strange.

Sunny - maybe you weren't here before. If you're new, look back at the posts over the last couple of days. That Possum girl made all these really crazy hostile statements. And that link she posted was really screwed up. Did you read it?

Oh - and you might not have noticed but Possum said her mother had a couple of different mental illnesses - that's just a matter of fact. People live with mental illnesses and it should not be stigmatized. But we do have to know that they're fragile and not as able as we are.

Answer 15

Sunny i've read your posts and responses in the previous posts . Sorry to say you don't sound like the most emotionally mature person your self. Its sad you did not have a good life after being adopted and were abused (read it in a post).

As for the AP's post.........you never mentioned what made her respond so rudely. Agreed it was rude and mean though.

But lets not sit here getting all judgemental without knowing the whole story.

Look at your self you hang around here just to say negative things to potential AP's. Its because of you and some others i never post a question here and advise others to come to websites where you can't hurt us.

Answer 16

Yahoo Answers was set up for people to be able to ask questions about serious topics and, hopefully, get good constructive answers.

This looks like a piece of in-fighting between posters and I believe that's a waste of this resource.  

I know a man whose AM told him that, as an infant, he'd driven his birth mom crazy and she died of it.  Comments like that are uncalled for and cruel.  

You can't screen out this type of person, as they often hide that side of themselves while applying for adoption.

cw