Does this sound ok? be honest?

Question

well i wrote this

its not finished its just ideas

best friends:

I would travel over mountains

And across the seven seas

Because I know that you

Would do the same for me

I can tell you all my secrets

With no need to lie

And trust that you will be there

Till the day I die

For Heartaches and battles

Rejection and fear

I will always, always

Always be here

but yeah its not finished

any advice

is it ok

im 15 btw

ok thanks! xx

Answer 1

i really love it i think you did a great job just finish it. i will love to read the rest!!!!

Answer 2

I love it. It's like perfect, I love the loyalty part.

Answer 3

do not use any word related to die or death.Lively poem with some good words will make this poem much better.A ggod attempt

Answer 4

yeah its fine...its kinda gud reely!!!!

it jus depends on the prsn ur ritn it for...

but i gues i like it!!!

gud work!!!

Answer 5

It sounds great so far, you can add............

It's great to be so free,

there's no worry of a measure

I can just be me,

This I'll forever treasure

Answer 6

i like it but not all poems have to rhyme hardly any of mine do... my songs do but not my poems

Answer 7

Use less rhyme, rhyme is overused as it is, and besides it makes your poem sound cliche. Do not be timid, make use of all your poetic devices, i.e. metaphor, alliteration, imagery, repetition, etc.  You don't need rhyme for your poem to have rhythm.  Also, this poem is obviously about someone you love or, at least, some one you ardently care about. But how many poems written by beginner writers have you read that sound such as this. It is the typical love poem.  Don't make the same mistake, instead of sounding cunning and poetic, instead, they often sound banal and trite, as if you were too lazy to write anything of substance, and just because you are fifteen does not mean you lack depth. If you want to write a love poem, fine, but find a way to say it in an original and unique manner. Try to be more abstract, and mysterious, but also say things in your own rudimentary way so that it sounds like it is coming from you.  The great thing about poets, why we are so dangerous, so menacing, is that we make the trivial, important, the common, bizarre, the average, fantastic, the normal, grotesque. Thus, you need to be very meticulous about your wording and phrasing.  Know where you place things and why you place it there, or why you used that particular word when you could have used another. My writing teacher once told me, try to reinvent the cliche.  If you only graze the surface, your poem will not stand out.

Answer 8

It is good rhythms and friendship is very important to you. Friendship means to you that threw it all that one specially person will always be there. it was cool

You need to end it with so much deep aspiration as well as inspirational and the most important part of friendship and the main importance.

So far excellent