Does this sound ok?

Question

Sun, Moon

Beautiful moon, Celestial Luna,

Serene Diana, Calm Artemis,

Hanging in the sky. During the day invisible to

The naked eye, Lighting travelers paths at night.

Sun, floating star, during the day heating the world,

Light bearer, Sun God, a chariot lights the Greek sky

Ancient ones know the way, Sun pulled by horses both strong and proud.

Phaeton’s woe, Sear the sky,

Sear the earth,

Alas day gives way to night

When they meet, Black day,

Red night,

A meeting of Helios and Artemis.

Polar opposites, Yet bound to the sky

One rising after the other.

Answer 1

Very nice and how old are you?  Cheers!!

Answer 2

its ok

Answer 3

ok

Answer 4

Hi Erica,

Just answered your free verse question. This does sound good. This is nice free verse. Here a few suggestions for you that may strengthen the poem (use or ignore them as you like):

When you do line breaks:

Try breaking on verbs or nouns rather than prepositions.

Try to break where there can be interesting meanings.

Hanging in the sky. During the day invisible to

Doing the break on invisible would be stronger than on to for example.

For layered meaning I'm not necessarily suggesting the next break, I just wanted to show you what I mean:

Serene Diana, Calm Artemis hanging

in the sky...

See how hanging can take on two meanings. I like the break the way you had it but I would suggest thinking about all your options as your writing.

I also think you may want to consider stanza (or in free verse strophe) breaks after:

The naked eye, Lighting travelers paths at night.

and

Sear the earth,

Given you this structure:

Sun, Moon

Beautiful moon, Celestial Luna,

Serene Diana, Calm Artemis,

Hanging in the sky. During the day invisible to

The naked eye, Lighting travelers paths at night.

Sun, floating star, during the day heating the world,

Light bearer, Sun God, a chariot lights the Greek sky

Ancient ones know the way, Sun pulled by horses both strong and proud.

Phaeton’s woe, Sear the sky,

Sear the earth,

Alas day gives way to night

When they meet, Black day,

Red night,

A meeting of Helios and Artemis.

Polar opposites, Yet bound to the sky

One rising after the other.

It's a good poem. I hope some of that is helpful.

Answer 5

nice..erica!!!

.........just free your mine...!

Answer 6

its really good XD i luv it =]

what my question was about was like outline for a pome like something ot help me write one

Answer 7

um line seven, i would cut "greek" and i would cut line eight altogether..

i think the poem makes its point without line eight. it's over-kill.

it's very good though. it's better than what i write. keep writing! jk