Does this sound snotty to you? Outgrowing friends......

Question

My husband thinks I am a total snot, which sometimes I can be but in this case I think I am correct in my thinking. All of my husband high school friends have turned to be- well, the bottom feeders in the pool of life. They all work crappy jobs, have crappy homes...... due to the fact they are so lazy they don't want to do better for themselves. All of them were given the chances to do something but they choose to do nothing. Birth control is an unknown to them and they all pop out kids like cats and don't take care of them. They think it's OK to get stoned or hammered while the kids are at mom's house. They don't "do" anything but get drunk. They are all immature and for 30 years olds, don't behavior properly in public. I just hate being around them. I have just been hoping that my husband would out grown but he hasn't. Last party one of the white trash wives went on and on how "g*y" my husband looked because he had a polo shirt on instead of a ripped tee shirt like the rest of them. He was annoyed about it and when he commented on it- I shrugged and said, she is jealous and your just outgrowing this group of friends. Which seem pretty obvious to me but my husband almost feel off his chair. He doesn't seem to understand the more successful we become (and the more they fail) we are just not going to be able to hang out with them. My husband thinks I am a snot and we can still be friends with these people.

What do you think? Will he just ever let these people go?

Answer 1

Everyone outgrows people.  Your husband better hope you don't outgrow him.

Answer 2

It can be hard to get away from people you've known since High School, So many memories and what not but I do see your point and can picture the kind of people and actions they take, Be proud your husband has a good job and is maintaining things positive for the household. You can only offer words of advise for them to better their life and not follow a dark path like that. Make sure you don't go on the offensive and make him stop communication with them, Just speak to him and voice your concern, You don't come off Snotty Your the one that has to put these people on check, and maybe educate some of these wives they sound terrible.

P.S. Polo is much better than a ripped T, That is not "g*y" at all.

Such poor choice of words, But a Ripped T...that is kind of g*y haha in a joking way. Best of luck to you <3

Answer 3

Dump them. Your husband sounds like those are "his" kind of people a little bit. He better hope he's not next, after your "friends"!

Answer 4

your probley right, there growing a part

but it hurts to hear it said,

the thought that you'll not be friends with the people you soo close to and have to make all new friends, sounds scary, and hard

evan if its obvious

Answer 5

It doesn't sound snotty.  Tell your husband that if he wants to hang out with his friends, fine, but you are going to stay home.  As long as he isn't doing anything that could get him into trouble with the law, just let him go.  Perhaps if enough wives call your polo shirt wearing husband "g*y" he'll finally come around.  Otherwise, let him do his thing BY himself.

Answer 6

You're not being a snot.  I wouldn't want these lowlifes in my life either.  You and your husband are way too good to be around these people.  

Answer 7

You don't sound snotty. You do, on first impression, sound very critical or judgemental. however, i do not know these people and you may be seeing them for what they are. I would not wish to "babysit" other people's wives or keep them company if I don't enjoy it either. If someone is irresponsible and you are not it is no fun to be with them at all. It may take more time for your husband to realize that the two of you move in different circles than his old "friends" and it may take even longer for him to stop feeling guilty about choosing friends that support his lifestyle. It is very common for friends to move apart--and also very common for someone to fail to recognize it. The best thing you can do is keep your mouth shut about it because he just thinks you're being rude, he doesn't understand. But always have another plan so you can do something else instead of "babysit" these people. Spending the smallest amount of time necessary with these people should help, but more than that, spending time with friends who do support you will help.

Answer 8

its normal to outgrow people.

Answer 9

OHHH gawd!! Don't you hate when they do that!

There is no need for that trailer trash to think that insulting someone is either funny or friendly. You are right to avoid those people and you are not obligated to like them and laugh when they are insulting you. Unfortunatly, undeducated people think that this is appropriate and they will likely never steer their lives on a more age-appropriate direction.

I have a similiar situation. Bear with me as I vent. My dear HTB is a high ranking officer in the Army. He hagns out with officers and enlisted alike. Some of his subordinates are fun, educated and really good people. HOWEVER, at some people that show up to those parties are really undeducated, crass, low rubish... those adjetives are MILD to describe those people. I REFUSE to put up with those people and although I try to be polite and put up with it, I do not find it amusing when they call me a snot to my face (as a joke, or so they say) or when they openly tell my fiance NOT to get married (me standing by him)... etc. etc. how trashy and rude is that???

This is my advice to you: I told my HTB that I do not apopreciate how some of those people call us snobs, and that some of them are just plain rude and I was not going to pu up with it. I told him that I do not think that I'm better than them, but it's obvious that we are different and we do not have nothing in common. I told him that if X or Y was going to be there, I rather do not go because I refuse to entretain rude, ghetto, trashy people. Check this, the other day we brough food for a party that they were throwing and this trash wrapped up and took it home with her and then came bacj to the party! On another ocassion, we were on a gala and we went to talk to the honorary guests, and that tramp stole of party favors!!! I just can;t mimgle with such low class people that think that their behaviour is acceptable.

Good luck

PS/ Those are his friends and probably he won't get rid of them right away. You can simply avoid them; you are right, why do you have to pretend that you like them and viceversa?. maybe you can do double dates with other young couples in your neighborhood/college etc. Once they find a buddy friend, he will likely see that his welfare friends are not all that.

Answer 10

Well, it's obvious YOU have outgrown them... your husband will wise up eventually.

Answer 11

I think it depends on how long he has been their friend.  If he has been friends with them since childhood, he will probably always have a place for them in his heart.  In addition, he must still relate to them on some level or they would probably not hang out very much.  You would think they would run out of things to talk about, not enjoy the same type of humor, etc., if they were totally growing apart.  

Answer 12

Holy Ball and Chain Batman!  

I hate to say it, but you really come off sounding like a snob. You don't mention their character at all except that their house isn't as nice as your's, they make less money and drink beer. Your husband probably enjoys being around a group of people that like him for who he is, and who he can be himself around. I bet if his buddies' wives found out about how you really feel about them, it would be the last party you'd be invited to. You rip into these people behind their backs and say horrible things about them and their kids, yet get all ruffled when someone comments on a shirt! Why not let your husband hang out with them once in a while and do the rest a favor by staying home.

Answer 13

I think you are right and your husband is in denial. It's fine if he wants to hang out with them but I wouldn't if that would be ok. They sound like some losers I know but fortunately my husband concurs and we don't hang out with them. It is not being snotty. It is being smart. We know better and cannot lower our standards because how they are living is wrong. They are being immature and selfish. They certainly aren't considering their kids and their needs. This is 2008, not 1980.

Answer 14

It sounds like he is outgrowing his friends, but unless you want to create a big rift in your relationship with your husband, I'd not force him to not see those friends.  You can tell him that you no longer want to go to his friends parties or whatnot.    With luck, soon he will see that he's moved past that stage in his life and he's grown up more than they and then he'll stop seeing them, especially if they are as bad as you say.