Does this sound wrong?

Question

"And death lurks upon them" ? I think that sounds funny but can't think of ways to change it. Any ideas?

(here is what it goes with, this is just going to be on the back of my book, what do you think?

For sixteen-year-old Abby Johnson, it started with a simple, stolen ring – something that truly meant nothing. But the consequences could cost her… her life.

Secrets are exposed. Lies are told. Hearts are broken. Pasts are relived. Friends are betrayed. Futures are altered. Trust is lost.

And death lurks upon them.)

Thanks!

Answer 1

It sounds good. "And death lurks upon them" fits in. You should publish it on http://www.fictionpress.com

Answer 2

Death lurks amidst them.

Answer 3

     I think the writing's excellent.  You could have something like:

     'And death lurks among them' or

     'And death stalks them.'  or

     'And death lies in wait for his own.' or

     'And death awaits his prey.'

     Hope this has been of some use.  I'm sure it'll be a great story.

Good luck

Mike B

Answer 4

And death conquers

Lives are lost

something like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

at the end when ur saying 'Secrets are exposed. Lies are told. Hearts are broken. Pasts are relived. Friends are betrayed. Futures are altered. Trust is lost.'

shorten that to

Secrets are exposed.Futures are altered. Hearts are broken. Lives are lost.

Answer 5

For sixteen year old Abby Johnson, it all began with a stolen ring, something that truly meant nothing. Little did she know the consequences would cost her - her life!

Secrets are exposed. Lies are told. Hearts are broken. Pasts are relived. Friends are betrayed. Futures are altered. Trust is lost.

And death is lurking right around the corner.

OR death is lurking underneath it all.

OR death is lurking behind the shadows.

OR you could say...

Trust is broken. Lives are lost.

Answer 6

I think it sounds really cool. E-mail me when it's published- I'll read it!

Answer 7

Death is lurking in the shadows (lurk means sort of hang about)

Answer 8

Ummms..death is close.  

Answer 9

And death lurks in the shadows.

And death is around every corner.

And death is right behind them.

And death is breathing down their neck.

Any of those sound good?

Answer 10

That's really good.

But maybe like, "And death lingers close-by." or something. :)

Answer 11

maybe something like- and death is following them?

or- and death lurks in their shadows?

i don't know mate, go with what feel right for you.

but good luck with it. :)