Does your child become your identity after you have a baby?

Question

I don't have children yet but I see a lot of people who identify themselves as "Johnny or Susie's Mommy". After you have a child do you just give your whole being up to your child? Just curious so I know what to expect!

Answer 1

Some women allow that to happen but I was very careful to make sure I had some kind of life beyond my children. And now that they are grown I am soo glad I did.

Answer 2

No it doesn't. I was only talking to my husband yesterday about this. Personally I wouldn't have my identity as James and Hannah's Mummy or Phil's Wife. I am a wife and a mother all day every day and I love it, but there is are times when i feel like i want to cut off just for ten minutes or so. So I always chose a different name on here and end up talking about babies the whole time. Lol.

Answer 3

nope, not for me! my kids are my everything but i am still my own person who has alot more to offer than just being 'mommy'...

Answer 4

Once you have a child that's it. They have to come first because they can't do things for themselves.

My life has changed totally since I had children and I can honestly say I'm not the same person I used to be.

Is this a good thing? Not all the time if I'm honest but I couldn't imagine it any other way.

Answer 5

Becoming "G's mom" happened more when he got to school, because to a new group of people, that was simply how they knew me.

But while parenthood becomes a part of your identity, it is the healthy person who doesn't let it become everything they are.

Answer 6

this is an easy thing to let happen. the beauty of loving some one so intesly is overwhelming. (as is the work load that they come with.)

In my heart i always refered to myself as," Me" not so-in-so's mother. unless of couse i was  at a ball game..or a dance recidel. LOL

it may be a sense of pride the parent feels.

always remember that as children grow, so will you. you will change in leaps and bounds. change is ever growing.

enjoy the wonder children  create. Buy that i mean..think about it. you see a tree. with branches..leaves.. a child is down on the ground looking up ..they see long trucks with some leaves.

By being mature enough to understand what is a child demands. you can take the time to enjoy these little wonders TOGETHER.

IT WILL BE SCARY too.

it is important to be a good parent  but to also not to sight as to who you are.

when the children and their friends leave the nest.. you want to be able to be happy and share in their happiness as they go into their adult life...not sit and sulk....

to be consumed with mother and father hood, not remember who you are what you like and enjoy... ends up being a very lonely life.

can i tell you...when you marry..do it the right way. have respect for YOURSELF. get married then have a baby.  it will be worth it in the end.

promise.

mmm

Answer 7

well pretty much you'll be taking care of someone 24/7 from now on so its pretty much like being stuck together..........but i did have like an identity crisis after having the baby, cuz i was only 21 and too me i was just jessica, now im a mother, a MOM!! how weird is that???

so it was weird at first to accept my new identity as a mother also. like i have conflicting thoughts like i feel guilty for wanting to go to a party, cuz too me moms don't party, but that's not true.  

Answer 8

To at least some degree yes.

You will come to be known as 'so and so's mom' and you child will become to be known as 'so an so's child'.

It is inescapable at school functions and such.

But, how much of your identity you give up is up to you.

Some women embrace it and enter into a symbiotic co-dependent relationship with their child.

Others try to avoid it and maintain their own independence then try to teach their child to become independent.

Stay at hom moms are usually the first example and working moms are usually the second example.

Answer 9

It is your choice. Before I had my daughter my job was my life... I think I would rather be "Alyssa's mommy" than "lady who processes financial assistance papers". I guess I never really have had a big hobby so the only thing I have "given up" to be Alyssa's mommy is some income and some sleep. Nothing I am terribly worried about.

Answer 10

Well a persons true identity is made up of many different parts: A worker, a mother, a sister, a friend, a good listener, a good cook....and so on.  Having a child doesn't change that, it just makes loving and raising them the most IMPORTANT part of your identity!

And P.S. We have our names as "Alaina's Mommy" because we are so proud of this part of our identity!!!  Some people's screen names on here are "C.E.O., fireman, bellydancer, etc" because thats what they're most proud of!

Answer 11

I am "Evalee's Mommy" and that has very little to do with what my "identity" is.  It is certainly a very important part of my life, and I would say that a lot of my "being" is naturally given up to my child, maybe even most of it.  I would give up my life for my child, but I don't find my identity in her.

Answer 12

You probably see those kinds of names here simply because it is a forum dedicated to parenting/children. In other words, on a site that focuses on being a mom, or talking about your baby, it makes sense that someone might pick a user name that refers to their child.

I doubt that "Johnny or Susie's Mommy" would introduce themselves that way at work or other places not revolving around their children.

Answer 13

My child doesn't become my identity....

Answer 14

I identify myself like that to other parents because they understand why - I typically meet the kids before meeting the parents, like at a park or pre-school.

But I don't introduce myself like that most of the time.  I have two at home, but I continue to go out with friends at night, go out on dates with my husband, go to training conferences for work, and volunteer with a few organizations.  I wear other hats, and I think that has a lot to do with why I look forward to spending time with my kids and why I don't mind identifying myself as "Pete's mommy" sometimes - it's just another role, and I'm proud of it!

Answer 15

I didn't.  I am very proud to be someone's mommy but I am also someone's wife, someone's daughter, someone's sister and many people's friend.  It can be tough but it is all about finding the balance.

Answer 16

I think if you allow it to happen, it could happen very easily, but I'm not of that mind frame, I like being an individual even after two babies.

Answer 17

I wouldnt mind people referring to me as that if they do, my daughter is only two months old but she is so beautiful and I am so proud of her, and I know i will continue to feel that way for the rest of her life. You do have to separate your life from your mommy life, but the child will become first from now on.  

Answer 18

Ive only heard that once a child hits elementary school and then you have to try and remember 30 kids AND parents name, sometimes its just easier to say the kids name, if I ever heard that I would be like thats MRS. Trevors mommy to you. haha.