Does your children get away with murder when...

Question

...they are with the grandparents?

My daughter had her grandmother in the park for 3 hours because she wasn't ready to leave and would throw a tantrum. I explained to my MIL you have to put your foot down with her otherwise she'll always do it.

Is this just the way it goes?

Answer 1

My mom was terrible with spoiling her grandkids.  We had to set rules for grandma to spend time with the kids because some of her behaviors went directly against what we were teaching the kids.  

Answer 2

No,

your daughter need's to behave regardless of who she is with! When you say it's time to leave, then your driving home in the car in 4 minutes. Your the boss.  And don't give her anything unless she askes nicely!  

Use the 3 strikes meathod.  if she doesn't come the first time, let it slide, if she doesn't come the second time, no dessert if she doesn't come the third time she has no tv tonight and a 20 minute timeout.

She need's to learn respect

my parents wern't strict enough with me when i was a kid and i hate the way treat ppl sometimes!

make it clear that yur the boss and that's how it is

good luck

artsygal

Answer 3

Oh yeah honey - grandparents are to spoil, NOT to discipline. That's what I have been told anyways. And, i don't think that's right either because how can we enforce rules what grandparents aren't on board with us to help, ya know??  But, I guess I will inderstand when I become a grandparent one day. :)

Answer 4

LOL..unfortunetly grandparents tend to be a little softy when it comes to their grandchildren..they seem to go out of their way to make them happy, but if they feel that it isnt hurting anything and she doesnt mind being there that long then I say okay. If its something more serious then yeah you need to make sure they are treating them like you treat them, cause once they get their way with them on something, they will try it with you and you will have to be the bad one. It will go this way til they get alittle older and understand a firm, scolding voice and knows they mean business. Let her know that even if we leave here there is something fun waiting at home, like a new movie, or dinner or even a dog on popsickle. But they will grow up and out if it soon.

Answer 5

With my parents, they let them get away with things more than I would, but not to the point that your in-law did.  They know when enough is enough and aren't afraid to tell my kids "no".  My in-laws on the other hand are actually MORE strict than I am.  I have to remind them to lighten up.  lol

Answer 6

I think you fail to understand that your children and their grandparents are going to be tight and act as friends.

After all, they have a common enemy............................LOL

Answer 7

yes-you know i took a class in college that said grand parent actually love their grand kids moree than they love there kid, which is fine with me-i did not believe it until i had my own children-they get away with murder-i asked my mom why and she stated its not that they love them any more, its just they had to focus on us when we were growing up and with the grand kids they have more time to not worry about the little things and let us focus on raising our kids

Answer 8

No, my grandmother doesn't give in easily to my sisters. My mom, unfortunately, does. My stepdad doesn't. I don't, usually, unless I'm feeling particularly nice or depressed that day (I'm generally always depressed. I'm feeling really empathetic today, though.) and don't feel like going through the arguments.

Grandparents, I think, have this preconceived notion that their children's children are letting them relive being a parent, and having that gratification of seeing smiles on the grandchildren's faces.  

Answer 9

I don't want my kids having a bunch of junk food or sweets but if my mom is around she says, "It won't hurt them to have a little." She doesn't give them alot mind you but she lets them have more soda than i do. But she counteracts that by making good dinners with veggies like me to make up for it.

Now my mil would probably let them have whatever they want,,,IF  she was allowed to see them.

Answer 10

I think you are being picky in that particular situation, if there was no where important to go and she is having fun then it wasn't a big deal to stay long at the playground.  But if they are letting her get a way with things that can harm her health wise like chocolate cake for dinner or other things that effect her health or safety or display of poor behavior like swearing or talking badly about people like racist remarks that's a different story.

You are the primary disciplinarian not the grandparents, they've done their share of disciplining with you and your siblings.  Try to compromise and if you see something that is absolutely unacceptable then speak up.  

Remember having grandparents around that spend time with your child is a luxury.

Answer 11

they get away with murder because they didnt kill anyone duh

Answer 12

My father passed away 10 years before I even had my first child.  My mother, mother in law & father in law all passed away before my youngest was 1 year old.  

I would give anything for them to have a little bit of indulgence with grandma & grandpa.  

I think that, as long as your child is safe & healthy with grandma, then let them develop their own relationship with each other.  Your child can learn that there are different rules & expectations when she's with grandma than when she's with you.  Kids will often come across situations where the rules are different in different places & with different people.  It's great for her to learn how to deal with that.  

Answer 13

Some grandparents aren't comfortable with disciplining their grand kids - I had the same problem and solved it by disciplining the kids myself later when I found out what they did. Visits to Grandma's house are still set up with the reminder that they will deal with me if they disobey or disrespect Grandma.

Answer 14

Most grandparents feel they have a right to spoil the grandchildren. I think it's okay to make them feel special as long as it's nothing detrimental to the child. I think it also depends on how often they get to see them. If they only get an occasional visit, I think some rules can be bent a little in order to make it more enjoyable for everyone but I wouldn't tolerate tantrums. The grandparents should be told to never reward negative behavior.