Does your spouse think you're too snooty for his/her social situations?

Question

My wife is running for political office in a mostly unsophisticated Eastern Florida county and thus has been going to a lot of events. Usually, she likes to bring the kids (especially my daughter, who is cute), and I tag along, too.

The events range from clam bakes, to chicken BBQs, to Pinewood Derbies to 5k run/walks.

On Sunday, it was the annual Elks Lodge Lawn Mower Race. I long have admired my wife's ability to relate to the common man. She came from humble beginnings and somehow wriggled her way through a low-ranking college and a bottom-tier law school and has made a career for herself representing mostly petty criminals who pay in unmarked cash.

I'm an art professor at the local college and have been on the arts scene for two decades, mostly making a decent career out of my work. I just don't move as comfortably from event to event, including the Lawn Mower Race. She does, however, when it's beneficial to her, handle my arts events just as fluently as her blue-collar events.

"You came from a worse background than me," she mentioned caustically at the event as I was standing in the shade with our son, enjoying a ginger ale (and I did live in a trailer park for a short stint as a kid and was passed around a bit between relatives). "Why are you acting so high and mighty?"

Then my wife, who is four months pregnant (probably not my kid -- long story), stormed off and quickly put on her John Edwards smile, grabbing her fourth beer of the day, as a tatted-up guy named Dirty Earl helped her on to a souped-up Toro rider mower that was as loud as an avalanche. She proceeded to speed around the Elks' big lawn, with a beer in one hand, my daughter in her lap, waving and laughing as the 200 or so in attendance hooted and hollered. She almost hit another mower. My daughter looked terrified and ended up drenched with beer, but my wife just laughed and laughed.

She probably did earn all 200 of those votes that day with her antics. After she got off her mower, she said to me, "See, that's how it's done, there, Reality."

Should I worry that I'm too much of a snob in such situations?

Answer 1

I'm amused.  Is this real?  Hope Dirty Earl didn't call Party Foul on the spilt beer.

If it is real she shouldn't be drinking while pregnant, should stay off of lawn mowers too, and even if you were acting snooty, you probably had reason to stand back a bit.  

Answer 2

I am a people person/watcher and they entertain the heck out of me. I am just as happy at Joe Bobs Rib Shack as I am at the The Ritz.

My question is, "are you a snob or are you just uncomfortable".

If you are catching yourself thinking you are better than them, then yeah, you need to check yourself.

If it just feels like you don't fit in and that is why your are uncomfortable, that is another story entirely.

I do have to say when you phrase things like you do sometimes, for example.. relates to the common man.. you do sound a bit snooty.

Define common. Where I come from to call someone common is an insult. Personally, I would rather be called Dirty Earl than common.

Dirty Earl may be an interesting study if nothing else.

The sexiest man I have ever met in my life is tatted up and it is part of the whole package. That particular tatted up guy is an artist, photgrapher and very smart, so you just never know.

The pregnant beer drinking, would be what bothered me out of all that stuff. You should be in her face about that, even if it's not your kid; that baby didn't do anything to deserve Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

The pregnant drinking will cost her votes no matter how unsophisticated the people are there. Don't mistake ignorance or illiteracy for lack of intelligence, that can be a fatal mistake.

Answer 3

You guys really don't seem very happy together. You keep describing your wife's behavior as being redneck trashy and also selfish, phony, and seemingly unconcerned and uncaring about her children's safety. You, on the other hand, have related that you thought you were emotionally distant or "closed-off" during your marriage to your wife.  You also have wondered before if you were a snob.  Well, maybe you are a little, but compared to your wife and some of the company she keeps, a lot of us would be considered snobs. I don't think you should worry so much about that, as why and what you are going to do. You obviously don't love her, but you do love your kid(s?). What are you going to do if that is your kid she's carrying and you knew she was drinking heavily during her pregnancy?

To answer your first question, I doubt my spouse thinks I'm too snooty for his social situations.  We don't hang around trashy people and rednecks, though.

Answer 4

What happened to Timdawg?  Do you miss him?

Answer 5

LOL, Dude, you are a writer! I love the story about Dirty Earl.

If this is a true problem, I wouldnt worry one bit, you should be awarded a medal, lol

I should add that my mother is an elected official. I have been through campaign c**p 4 times over and I have learned that you do have to bend a lot to "fit in" in certain functions. in this case, the story is just hilarious, and I do understand where you are coming from. When I said you deserve a medal, I was referring to both the campaign trail and the fact that your wife may be carrying someone else's kid. I still wouldnt feel bad, though, she's running for office, not you. As long as you dont offend anyone, what are you hurting sitting on the sidelines watching? Not a thing. Especially in this situation. My dad sometimes doesnt go at all to my mom's stuff, and she doesnt mind at all, and neither do her voters.

Answer 6

I think it's just her excuse to shun you in social situations, so that if she ever gets caught at her antics, she can turn around and blame [her representation of] you as socially inept or an otherwise poor or unsupportive husband - to gain the sympathy of her constituents.

She will probably blame your "snobbery" (again, her perception) for your daughter's inability to mesh with the common man (terrified of Mom on the Toro).

I do have to agree about her drinking that much beer while pregnant being dangerous or just plain stupid.  She may be going for the Munchausen Syndrome constituency's vote.

Answer 7

your wife is a gutter w***e u are  decent normal guy so don't worry

Answer 8

Wow everyone always thinks you make this up...but in "Reality" there are alot of people living this life everyday, maybe different story line but almost the same...Now if this is a story then it is a very good one and if you think your a snob then i guess so am I! For one thing she should have never been drinking with your daughter even if it was a lawn mower and second if all those 200 people in your story are going to vote for her after being on a lawn mower with her daughter driving as crazy as she was and drinking plus she is having a baby! then those 200 people are not worth a d**n in the first place! but your story is a good one I guess we will never know if it is real or not! but to all, this is someones story but in different scenarios!

Answer 9

Whats up with the high and mighty attitude from you,I thought you were a little more laid back than that, I know you prefer the art scene and the college crowd but man that's tough,you don't even really know these people and you have them written off at the first glance,I don't see anything wrong with BBQ's and pine wood derbys and I am a college educated professional,so yeah,your being a little s****..Your asking the wrong guy about this stuff,I live in Michigan and grew up in Detroit,I would never turn my back on my blue collar roots,regardless of my income,I see it as an chance to cut loose and tear it up,you should have taken this opportunity to really have some fun because these people wont judge you,how could they,they apparently cant hold a candle to you.Sorry so harsh but come on man,lighten up

Answer 10

I wouldn't worry about being a snob...I'd worry about who's child she was carrying!

Answer 11

First of all, you're a great writer, maybe think of making that a second career!

Secondly, your situation is really bizarre, and I half-expect that maybe you are a writer, making up a story. At any rate, if your story is true, I'd say that maybe your wife needs a reality check, and I don't know that anything you can do would bring her back down to earth. Let her run her campaign, but let her know that you support her in everything she does. As long as you're there for her, and let her know that what's important to her is important to you, too....except maybe don't support her drinking while she's pregnant...hopefully it will work out.

    I find that if something is important to me--like I mean, my whole life at the time--if my husband doesn't support me, I go nuts.