Doesn't homeschooling harm a kid's social development?

Question

Although the education level that you can provide to your kid at home may be better than our abysmal public school system, aren't you harming your kid's social development by keeping him or her away from other kids? It's important for kids to learn how to interact with other people, especially those their own age. Depression could also be a problem if you are being forced to learn with only your tutor/family around you. When kids hit college, I have a feeling that they will be socially inept and awkward, which could be harmful and uncomfortable for them.

Answer 1

I've seen people turn out both ways.  I had a few homeschooled friends in college who were extremely bubbly and bright.  I also knew homeschooled people who were homeschooled BECAUSE they had social problems in the first place.  I think a lot depends on the environment in the home.  If the parents are very sociable, then there's a good chance that the parents will make opportunities for their children to socialize.  If the parents are shy, then they will not find it worthwhile to encourage outside socializing, and the child may have difficulties.  (I was not homeschooled, so I don't have personal experience in this.)

Answer 2

What is your real question?

Within a mile radius of our house all the neighbor children attend public school. One male child runs around with green & pink hair; his sister is seen riding her bike wearing low riding pants and a thong so both cheeks are almost totally exposed; their mother (a JOP & school board member) was recently arrested for having 25 pot plants. Another male child further down the road ganged up with 3 of his public schooled friends here in the neighborhood to vandalize a recently widowed man's house; his mother assaulted our dog and his father assaulted me. His father teaches parenting classes.

I could go on and on. Is this the kind of socialization among children you are asking about? My homeschooled children have never been allowed to socialize with any of our neighbor children. My children have their own group of civilized friends and same age relatives they associate with. I have met far more depressed public schoolers than homeschoolers.  Are you alluding to the recent shootings by a so-called homeschooler? If so, that child was not the norm for homeschoolers. There was something far more serious going on there than just homeschooling.

Our daughter started college at age 15 and our son started college at age 16. Neither seem to have any difficulty fitting in, which is not the reason why they attend college. They are there for the academics and not to be social butterflies. Their focus on academics doesn't allow them (or their parents) any unnecessary waste of energy and finances since they don't live on campus and can work part-time.

The time and place for socializing has always been kept in perspective and has made those times at social functions all the more sweeter and meaningful. By having a manageable amount of good  and trustworthy friends, as opposed to a room full of 30 peers with nothing in common except the school they attend, we've made life more sane and enjoyable for ourselves.

Answer 3

Why would you think that homeschooled kids don't have a social life?  Why would you think that they aren't around other kids?

My son has more of a social life now than when he was in school...and he's around kids that don't expect him to be exactly like them.  He's around kids of all ages, high schoolers, adults, and seniors...and he knows how to interact with all of them.  

He interacts just fine with kids his age in baseball, church, and Scouts...these all happen on a weekly basis (at least).  He also interacts with kids of all ages on field trips and at co op.

He interacts with adults at the library, at the store, the post office, church, the park, and everywhere else we go.  Because he isn't limited to a classroom with kids his own age, from within 1-2 square miles of him, he is free to actually be out in society.  Because he is able to get all of his work done during the day, he is free to actually have a childhood and interact socially after school.  Most kids his age aren't.

You seem to have a really limited view of homeschooling.  It doesn't mean that kids are chained to a computer or the kitchen table all day, only seeing their family...it means that they and their parents are responsible for their education and can take advantage of whatever resources and opportunities are right for them.  They take group lessons, they volunteer, they shadow professionals (one of my high school students is shadowing doctors at a local hospital 3-4 times a week), and they organize and take part in community programs.  

Because they are not trained to think inside the box and be just like everyone around them, they tend to be much more indepedent and comfortable at college.  Many homeschooled high schoolers graduate with their AA...meaning they've already taken 2 years of college by the time they get there "for real".  There's a reason that colleges openly recruit homeschooled students...they tend to be better students, more socially aware, and less likely to get trapped into the keg scene.

Of course, if by "socially inept" you mean that they're not normally drawn into the rush and haze scene, you're right.  That's called "socially responsible and mature", though.

Answer 4

Yes, i tihnk it will be hard for them going into the realworld.

meeting people etc.

Answer 5

Not necessarily. Children who are home-schooled usually still participate heavily in activities and events that foster social development, such as team sports (soccer, baseball, swimming), and community service. And sometimes homeschooling isn't entirely in the "home". Many home-schoolers will take courses at public/private schools in order to develop any skills needed that they couldn't have gotten at "home".

Furthermore, depression has never been linked to home schooling. In fact, emotional stability is a common characteristic of home-schooled adolescents. More attention is focused on what they excel at rather than where they are deficient, and in turn self-esteem and self-confidence are reinforced.

Answer 6

No homeschooling doesn't harm a kid's social development.  I'm surprised at how often this question is still asked.  Many homeschoolers enter college at around 15-16 years old and thrive.  This is because through their homeschooling experience they learned how to interact with people of ALL ages not people their EXACT SAME age.  Also in response to your comment about depression being a problem for homeschoolers, I would like to know where you got that idea!  More public schooled kids suffer from "depression" than homeschoolers.  Homeschoolers focus on what they excel in instead of having to focus on what they don't excel in.  Also since homeschooled kids don't have to spend hours after school doing homework they can go out and play and be kids or whatever it is they do.

Answer 7

No.

Answer 8

You have GOT to be kidding me. No way! Homeschoolers have plenty of social development. Have you seen the stuff that comes out of public schools?? It's too much of the real world at such a young and impressionable age.

Answer 9

No

Parents can if they're xeonophobic or agorophobic

If you're a Jehovah's Witness or Mormon you are advised NOT to hang around those who aren't and parents will tell you that and won't let outsiders come over even if you go to school and you can't talk about the nice Jewish and Catholic freinds you have at school because they aren't Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses and you aren't allowed to go to the mall.

This Persian girl I knew who was 22, wasn't allowed to go on a date with a boy without her 25 year old brother in the back seat.

OK, so those people won't get socialized in or out of school.

That's kind of too bad, but we don't take kids away form homes that are restrictive.

If your family is Atheist, I'm sure they don't want you bringing home a Born Again for dinner.

If your family is Islamic, I'm sure they don't want you bringing home a Jewish friend from school to watch TV.

HOMESCHOOL doesn't hurt socilization PARENTS and EXTREMIST RELIGIONS (including Atheism) DOES

And they have a God Given right to live life as they choose and associate with whom they want to.

Now if a KID violated parental or religious rules AT school they are considered a RENEGADE or a DELIONQUANT

When Johnny or Susan starts running around with the Goths and the Dopers and the Head Bangers, that's when mommy and daddy take them out of the school and homeschool them.

OR DO YOU APPROVE OF TEENAGE PREGNANCY, BEER BONGING AND DRUG USE!

When the POLICe call a nice Catholic family to come and get their 13 year old daughter who was found at a Pot party naked in bed with a 17 year old senior from school, that will be her last day in PUBLIC SCHOOL

And I used to work for LAPD and I can't begin to tell you how many hundreds of 13 year old naked girls got bused with 19, 20, 21 year old men at pot parties.

We used to haul in 30-40 a Friday just in Van Nuys

And that is your SCHOOL SOCILIZATION with the Jocks, the Prepps, the Goths, the Nerds, the Brains, the Druggies, the Punkers, the Metal Heads the gang bangers.

FACT the average homeschoolers is 1-3 grades ahead of brick schoolers

FACT the average age of homeschoolers going to college is 17 with many of them 16.

FACT many get into colleges like Stanford, Yale, UCLA

FACT many kids here in the PUBLIC SCHOOL section moan about bullies

They won't take classes because of bullies.

That's a FACT

SOCIALIZATION HURTS education

This is a PROVEN FACT

You are in school to LEARN not to make dates and chat.

When Public Schools go ALL GIRL grades IMPROVE by 35%

Remove BOYS from the school and GIRL'S GRADES go up with in one year.

Institute a UNIFORM and grades go up with in 1 year.

It is the Goth, Nerd, Brain, Jocks, Cheerleader factions that are hurting education.

REMOVE theose elemetns, break them up or supress them and GRADES ALWAYS GO UP

This is a PROVEN FACT

The US HEW will verify it.

Answer 10

When it comes to socialization, I think quality is better than quantity.

There is absolutely no reason homeschooled kids cannot be socially active. There is a whole world outside the schools.

We're in a homeschool co-op where there are about 100 kids. We meet at a facilty once a week for classes all day. The kids take interesting classes together in small groups with various teachers (some parents, some not), and spend a lot of time playing at recess and between classes, and then a bunch of us usually get together to go to the park or an indoor playground for a couple of hours when it's over.  

Our outter homeschool support group which includes those not in the co-op classes-- we meet a couple times a week for play dates at the park and field trips and other opportunities (everything from running a float in the city holiday parade to environmental clean-ups).

Then the kids take a couple of classes at the community centers like gymnastics, drama, and karate-- these are given at nights and on weekends and have mostly public schooled students in the classes with them.

My kids also go to the library chess club, reading group, and Yu-Gi-Oh tournaments--- also a mixed public schoolers/homeschoolers thing.

Then there is just playing at the park and at friends houses. And cousins, too.

Oh yes, Sunday school and church volunteer work and our 4 campouts per year with our big groups.

Oh, and my teen daughter volunteers at the library and has been taking college classes since age 15, plus has a core group of friends for the last few years that she's always talking on the phone to if she's not with them.

Socialization-- don't worry; we got it covered. There's absolutely no reason to keep a homeschooler home all day. In fact, we know of way more social activities than we could ever accept, as it is we're out just about every day.

People always make a lot of assumptions but there is no real basis for them as homeschoolers are generally the most active people I know.

Answer 11

I have had the privlege of experiencing many different forms of our education system.  I started school in an extremely small-town public school (one class per grade until 10th grade), then went to an extremely small-minded larger public school.  I suffered depression, IBS, ulcers, suicidal thoughts, and major rejection from peers.  All this before I was in 10th grade.  My very social sister had manic depression and bi-polar.  I became homeschooled in 10th grade.  I worked a job, bought a car, wrote and directed for a Christian drama team, founded and wrote for a church youth newsletter, and began taking college classes.  My sister's moods leveled, her grades increased, she worked at the local movie theatre, and managed the youth coffee shop at our church.  At 16, I became a full-time college student working in the theatre department and becoming a member of an all-state college bowl team.  By 20, I was the youngest student teacher in the history of my college when I started teaching drama at a preppy public school in a large city.  After college, I taught in a medium-sized private Christian school, then a city public school, and now in a public alternative school.  I've seen kids of every social status, intelligence, and lifestyle.  And I've dealt beautifully with them all.  I never lacked for experiences to help them.  Any of them.  I was never social inept for my classes or my superiors.  In fact, had I not been homeschooled,  I am sure my life would have turned out very diffferent and I am quite happy with how it is.  Homeschooling is not for everyone, but neither is public school or private scool.  Each kid is different.  It's unfair to stereotype any kid for any reason.  How's my social ability?

Answer 12

I cannot believe that so called intelligent people actually still ask this question.

A thousand time no, and actually it is very much the opposite; the "isolation" of home schooled young people is a MYTH....

Actually often times home school families face the challenge of not letting all the activities that are available to them interfere with time for academics.

As for college, of course other students may find home schooled students a bit odd, since they know what they want, they are independent students, and are there for an education rather than a paid vacation, in between parties.

Depression, hardly; being able to learn at your own pace, and follow your own interests, graduating early, and being in the drivers seat of you own future rather than having to follow a schools guidelines in what they think is best for you, is not depressing, but liberating.

Depression as you describe it; related to being forced to learn something does not apply in most home schools, conventional schools have prescribes curriculum's, tests, and activities, we do not.

http://www.nheri.org/

http://www.hslda.org/docs/nche/000010/20...

http://www.nhen.org/printfriendly.asp?ID...

Answer 13

Thank you for a well written question.  Many people who question homeschooling ask questions with poor grammar and spelling.  Your diploma must have included an education.

I agree.  I think it would be a problem if kids were kept away from people.  We are blessed to live in a modern age where we have vehicles to take us places where there are other people.  Our children learn from their interactions with people from all walks of life and people of all ages.

I think it has harmed children to be segregated with only children that are their same chronological age.  I think it is harmful for children to taught only what the state has deemed as necessary for their education.  

I know many young adults who have entered college after graduating from public school.  Many are totally unprepared both socially and in the academics.

Your concerns may have had some validation before the invention of cars, internet, and phones. Welcome to the 21st century.

Answer 14

"Doesn't homeschooling harm a kid's social development?"

Nope. Not homeschooling in itself. Perhaps how some parents go about it, but most homeschooling parents are quite aware of the need for social time.

Besides, public/private schooling does not in any way guarantee proper social development. If that were the case, we would have a socially perfect society.

"Aren't you harming your kid's social development by keeping him or her away from other kids?"

I don't keep my kids away from other kids. Most homeschooling parents don't. We just haven't bought into the notion that it's necessary and beneficial to have kids grow up with what is the equivalent of 20-30 same-age siblings.

"It's important for kids to learn how to interact with other people..." I wholeheartedly agree

"...especially those their own age." With this, I disagree. What difference does it make how old they are? As an adult, I don't go around finding people my age to interact with. If you see people as people, their age means nothing and you learn how to interact with them.  My kids get the benefit of living the kind of social variety now that they will have as adults.

"Depression could also be a problem if you are being forced to learn with only your tutor/family around you."

There are some serious problems with this assertion. First of all, depression can come from anywhere. To tie it to homeschooling, just because it's homeschooling, is totally irrational. Second, it assumes that homeschooled kids are being forced to homeschool. The vast majority of homeschooled kids I know enjoy homeschooling and don't want to go to public school. Of the few who didn't like homeschooling, most were allowed to go to school. None developed depression. Third, you make the assumption that homeschooled students are locked up in their houses all the time, which is just nonsense.

"When kids hit college, I have a feeling that they will be socially inept and awkward, which could be harmful and uncomfortable for them."

Feelings don't do much in terms of truth and proof. Are there homeschooled students who are awkward and inept when they go to college? Yes. Are there public schooled students who are awkward and inept? Yes.  There have been plenty of accounts of previously homeschooled students who did just fine in college. Your "feelings" are not based on any proper logic because they are based on the premise that homeschooled students never get out, which is not true.

ADDED: What does the state of the public school system have to do with your incorrect notion that homeschooled students don't do things with other people? Or that they're somehow more prone to being depressed?

Answer 15

People who home school their children always say they are doing it the right way, their children are completely socialized, and on and on.  I can tell you from my personal experience attending church most of my life and teaching Sunday School that home schooled children, absolutely without exception, have poor social skills and less self-confidence than kids who go to public school.  They are also dumber.  Parents who say their kids are an exception are delusional, and in my opinion home schooling is its own little religious cult.  I don't even talk to the women at church who home school anymore, I feel that strongly about it.

Answer 16

I myself was home schooled from kindergarten through the twelfth grade.My parents never kept me from children my age. Just because I didn't go to school with them does not mean that I had no interaction with my peers. I feel it helped me focus on my studies. Of course I was always given the choice to attend public school if I ever decided that I wanted to. During my entire 4 years in college I have not once felt awkward nor have I had any difficulty communicating with people of all ages. I feel being educated at home helped me develop my personality and interests without being overly influenced by outside forces.I will say that it is not for everyone but to say it is not for anyone would be a mistake to say the least.

Answer 17

Actually no. Homeschooled kids are involved in an array of healthy socialization opportunities

*Civil Air Patrol

*Young Marines

*Volunteering at the Library

*Volunteering with the Firefighters

*Church groups

*Jobs

*Homeschool co-ops where they can have Proms, go to classes, join Debate teams, Latin Club, have dances and parties

*Community volunteer service

And, actually studies suggest that kids in PUBLIC school have higher rates of depression and suicide, not to mention violence and pregnancies, drug and alchohol usage as well are more prevalent among PUBLICLY educated kids-their homeschooled counterparts are too busy participating in healthy social and real life experiences.

Also there are several studies that suggest that colleges such as Harvard actually PREFER the homeschooled child due to their indepedence and high levels of maturity. My homeschooled son is going to college and having no problems whatsoever

Hope I helped blow some stereotypes away!

The ones you should be listening to are the ones who KNOW because they have homeschooled, not the ones who "think homeschool can make things harder".......how can they know if they have never homeschooled? The ones with actuall experience can tell you that these are stereotypes and they are untrue

Answer 18

I, as I'm sure most homeschool parents, detest this question.   First, why are people so worried about kids getting socialized in school.. is that why they send their kids?  Silly me.. I thought it was for them to LEARN.  Second, my kids get to be around other people all the time from young to old, they are involved in lot's of outside activities.  It is so silly to me that kids spend 6-7 hours in school then come home with hours of homework.  If they were actually teaching them during school that wouldn't happen.  I've included several interesting articles in case you REALLY care...

Answer 19

~I have had at least four professors in college comment/thank me for my willingness to speak up in class and lead group discussions.

~I had trouble finding time to actually do my school 'work' at home during my high school years because I was always involved with so many activities such as:

~Violin-taking lessons, orchestra, teaching lessons, group lessons

~Piano -taking lessons, teaching lessons

~Classes - at the community college

~Classes - taught by other homschool parents

~Ballet - three classes a week

~Campainging - phonebanking, office work, door-to-door work

~Art classes

~Sports

~Hanging out with homschool friends

~Hanging out with public school friends (who, by the way never had much free time because they either had to much homework, or were involved in sports)

Now, I know I had trouble getting school work done sometimes because I was always so busy, but I wouldn't call that 'harming' my social development.  I have found that at college I hang out with other homeschoolers or foreign students because kids that were publicly educated are way too worried about what others think of them.  They are too self conscious which takes the fun out of their company.  I have never haerd of a homeschooler with depression, but I know many of my (public school) violin students are being treated for 'behavior' or depressions problems.  And these kids are in middle school.  It's very sad.  In the end, I am glad I was homeschooled and did not have do deal with all the c**p-sorry, 'socialization' issues that kids face.  Am I worried that I won't know what to do if I am bullied or offered drugs?  Nope.  I am an adult.  I don't need that D.A.R.E. program to help me in the real world.

Answer 20

No. It doesn't.

Depression is a problem in most schools, much more so than at home. Kids face unrealistic academic pressure. They face social pressures to please every stuck up snob there. They are bullied and abused and bossed around all day.  They have no freedom of choice, their life is mandated by an outdated industrial training machine called school. It separates families, creates artificial matrices of education and success, and teaches children that they can't learn anything without being spoonfed.

There are millions of homeschoolers who have already gone to college, and done well. Basically, that disproves your theory.

Answer 21

My homeschooled kids, who have spent the last 7 days of their Christmas vacation hanging out with their friends would say no.  

They've been skating, toboganning, playing Wii, computer games, swimming, etc with all their friends.    

They've been involved in band concerts and playing for Christmas eve concerts.  They've been in Christmas plays and my son was in charge of the lighting for the youth Christmas play at church.  

Doesn't sound like a lack of socializing to me.   There are days I wish I could just stay home and actually do some of that "home"school people keep talking about.   LOL

As for being socially awkward - no, not a chance.  Not unless their personality would make them that way whether they were in school or not.  If you look in the systems you'll find kids like that in every educational system.   Just because that's the way they are, not because of the way they are educated.

Answer 22

Probably. Public schools all the way!

Answer 23

No.  Homeschooled kids actually DO get to interact with other kids!!!  We live in these places called neighborhoods... and neighborhoods are filled with (gasp!) people!

Many homeschoolers also go to church, are involved in Scouts, take classes at community centers, go to boys and girls clubs, have homeschool co-op classes, play sports, take swimming lessons....etc. etc. etc.

Answer 24

No.

For the thousandth time, No.  

I'm 15, home educated, surrounded by brothers, sisters, cousins, nieces, nephews, friends, the children of my parents' employees, the children of neighbours (and their employees' kids); I have jobs that bring me into contact with people of all ages from 0 - 100; I belong to Venturers, CCF, Pony Club and Young Farmers (as well as Heart Kids!); I take part in various sports (right up to state level); I go to camp; I help teach swimming to the kindy kids at their swim camp; I go to parties, dances, rages, rodeos, numerous other community events.....

Surprisingly, being home-educated in 2007 does not mean staying at home and learning with only your govie/family and the same four walls for company!

(Try actually researching your question a little [instead of going with opinion and dated, tired stereotypes] and you'll find that, all too often, it is school which damages a child's social development.)

Answer 25

Homeschooled kids are always under parent's thumb or control. When they get out of range of that control...Yahoo!!!

They go out of control, having not learned to develop control of their own, & make decisions on there own,&  suffer consequences. Same goes for religous schools. Also kid's have to learn to make decisions & decide who to hang with, who is risky etc.

Answer 26

If you really want to know the answer to this question, read the article to which I link.  It is from the Stanford Alumni website.

Read and you will have no doubt that the whole "harm a kid's social development" is a complete fabrication, myth, stereotype, misconception...

Still not convinced?  Read the two articles that follow the first.

Plus, where do you get the idea that kids are "kept away from other kids?"  That is a silly notion and entirely false.